Andrea and Arthur's Non-Refundable Deposit

Too Long, but learning about Brooklyn

2010-06-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

Once again, I have allowed my blogging to lack. Once again, I vow to be better about it. Once again, you see through my false promises.

Anyway, I have pretty much fallen in love with living in Brooklyn despite the fact that I still get the occasional incredulous, "you live...there?!?" when I mention my address. This is nothing new to me. When my former roommate and I initially thought about moving into East Harlem, we got the "what are two white girls doing moving there?" Now, you should go and visit the place. Restaurants and young, faces of various shades abound.

That has yet to happen in the LPG/Crown Heights neighborhood we've settled in. Admittedly, things would be easier slightly closer to the subway, or on the other side of the park or a few more stops towards the city.

Yet, it sort of feels like a respite - living a bit further away. When I pass through my door, there is practically an audible sigh oozing from my body. I feel myself relax in a way that I don't believe I did living in SpaHa. We are more removed here - from work, from the busy nature of Manhattan, from all the things that annoyed us before.

Plus, we can do things like grill.

It's also fun to discover places a handful of subway stops or a half hour walk or so from our pad. A few weeks ago, Arthur and I randomly chose to go for a walk and get some ice cream. That's when we discovered Blue Marble. We were enamored straight away. They had all natural cherry chip and grape nut flavors that were to die for. As we licked their sweet and creamy concoctions on a cone, walking through Prospect Park, it really felt like summer. Also, thanks to J & Z for introducing us to Bark. Amazing, fatty hot dog yumminess that was just perfect for the next day hangover. JJ and I discovered Habana Outpost - a fun outdoor Cuban place where you get your food (amazing roasted corn with cheese, succulent cuban sandwiches) off a truck, sip your frozen mojito and listen to music.

In any event, it is working for us so far. I look forward to discovering more worthwhile places, possibly writing about them, but definitely delighting in them. I won't even mind having to defend my 'hood's honor from those who ask, "why do you live there"?

Marriage Tax?

2010-03-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

I filed my taxes today. I meticulously entered all the numbers that showed my income and was excited to enter the deduction from my student loan taxes. However, it turns out that when you are married and file your taxes separately you are no longer eligible to claim student loan interest. Huh? How does marriage have any bearing on student loans? I am certainly still paying them every month and I certainly accrued quite a bit of capitalized interest. Does my marriage somehow mean that I should have no money troubles in the eyes of the Federal government?

At first, I was angry. It just doesn't make sense. Now, I am not even sure what to say about it. I am so used to institutions rewarding heterosexual marriage that I am sort if in a state of shock.

These Are the People in Your Neighborhood

2010-03-22T15:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after I completed The New York City Half-Marathon in triumph (well, 8232nd place) my husband, brother-in-law and I decided to take a trip to Atlantic Avenue to eat lunch and do some grocery shopping at the Pathmark there. The cosmos must have been happy with our decision because we found getting there that the subway wait was surprisingly short. We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings at of the need to eat quickly (you run 13.1 miles, go back home, take a shower, get dressed, wait for your family members to make a decision, travel for about half an hour and see how hungry you are). It was somewhat unclean, very noisy and impeccably bad for us - just what you'd expect from Buffalo Wild Wings. I HATE the calorie information, by the way. If I go into a to a place like this, I KNOW it is going to be bad for me.

Anyway, after years of C-Town (AKA crack town)/Nasty and grumpy Associated/too expensive FreshDirect, I was excited to explore a real grocery store. As I walked in and saw their produce section, I nearly came down with an attack of the vapors. No, but it looked good. Straight away, I went to customer service and filled out one of those applications for a discount card. A girl needs a deal. This was accomplished with little wait time. Again, thanks cosmos.

We did our shopping and using a combination of our reusable Target bags (my hubby rocked the Target bags), my brother-in-laws' backpack and my market bag, we managed to get our goodies home in a decent amount of time.

Then, it was back to Atlantic Avenue for Arthur and I for a date night. It had been a long time coming and we were happy to discover that the BAM Rose Cinemas was an easy jaunt from the Atlantic Avenue Terminal. We did walk right past it the first time around due to the lack of marquis. The Peter Jay Sharp building, in which the theater is housed is a combination theater, museum and cinema. It is not a hi-tech theater with stadium seating, feels old and is very small, but I kind of like that.

After using the Urban Spoon app on my iphone early that day, we discovered that Smith Street, located relatively close to the area of Boerum Hill (or is it in Boerum Hill? I still don't know my BK neighborhoods that well yet) seemed to have a number of restaurants. We could not decide at first whether to walk down Flatbush or get back on the train when luckily, we spotted the bus. It took all of two minutes before we got to Bergen street. We almost immediately happened upon the Cubana Cafe. The decor was one I have seen before in other Cuban restaurants - that sort of colorful, we're pretending we're in old Havana look As we sat down, we were given two glasses and a bottle of water in a wine bottle and served fried plantains topped with two types of sauces - one some sort of chimichurri sauce and the other some sort of salsa-esque concoction. Yummy. We gobbled them up. Then I ordered a mojito and Arthur had a Dos Equis. For dinner Arthur had pulled pork with black beans and mashed plantains and I had Picadillo Cubano with Turkey, black beans and rice. They were both very tasty, though the mashed plantains had a strange baby food like consistency. For dessert, we had tres leches. That was just deliciousness incarnate.

It was a lovely date night and it made us very happy that dinner and a movie was a pretty easy endeavor in our new neighborhood. We are excited to explore some more in the warmer months to come.

Today, I decided to take it easy - my only plans were to make beef brisket for tonight's dinner, go to the Brooklyn Public Library and get a little pampering done at a nail salon. I can smell the brisket finishing up right now. I adapted it to the slow cooker from a braised brisket recipe I found on epicurious.com. My changes included adding leeks and a little red vermouth.

I managed to go to the library and drop off the terribly boring Kristin Chenoweth autobiography, A Little Bit Wicked. I borrowed it last week and I couldn't finish it. Sorry, Kristin. I loved you in Pushing Daisies! Anyway, it is a small branch with an apparent heating system problem (so hot!) and a mecca for teenagers. It doesn't have a lot of books and is really busy and loud (what happened to being quiet in the library?), but it suits its purpose. I was feeling very productive when I went to the nail salon Zivales on East New York Avenue and Kingston Avenue. I tried going last week around 6 PM and didn't stay due to the long wait. This time, I arrived at a quarter to four and fully expected it to be empty. Nope! They only have two nail technicians working there and after they told the woman in front of me that they "had no time" right now and she would have to come back at four thirty, I decided to leave and try another nail salon on Kingston Avenue and Empire Boulevard.

This other place has shades covering the windows and a room divider so women can put their stockings and shoes back on without others seeings them. When I walked in, there was a discernable shift in the energy. Immediately, the women looked down at my legs to see if I was Chassidic or not. I was wearing jeans and Sketchers and not a denim skirt, tights and Uggs so I did not pass the test. Then in a very Pretty Woman on Rodeo Drive moment, the owner asked, "Can I help you"? I explained what I wanted and she said I would have to wait. I decided not to stay and wait for the one person working to finish on the customer ahead of me. I just wanted a little me time and feel a bit cheated.

Brooklyn lessons learned this weekend? Don't need to go to Manhattan for dinner and a movie. Make appointments at nail salons. Wear lighter clothing in libraries. Beef brisket takes a long time to make.

Of Course, You Are!

2010-03-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, on a regular Saturday morning in Harlem, one of my students' parents asked me how married life was going. I smiled, as I unlocked the door to get class started, and said, "it is going well. We're moving next weekend." "Oh, where?" quizzed the long standing parent. "Brooklyn." He laughed, "of course, you are! That's what we did after we got married."

This got me to thinking about the path we've taken. When we decided to get married almost two years ago, we wanted it to be on our terms (as much as possible). We didn't do the diamond; We walked down the aisle to Harry Potter and Star Wars music; We went to Turkey instead of Hawaii.

After the wedding, we knew that we weren't going to stay in our little East Harlem apartment forever. It had served its purpose for two years, but we wanted more space. We were willing to look in Queens, the Bronx, etc., but for our price range Brooklyn seemed to come up again and again. When we saw this place, we just had to have it.

Side note: My body has not quite adjusted to the amount of space we have yet. I still find myself taking up only a little area of our bedroom. I've also not quite got a handle on where the light switches are and always seem to hit my hand against the wrong side of the wall.

Anyway, I don't necessarily think that the area of Brooklyn that the parent I mentioned above had moved to as a newlywed is the same area of Brooklyn that Arthur and I have chosen (though I can jog past those neighborhoods since we're close to Prospect park). I can't imagine this parent living in a neighborhood bordered on one side by the Chasidic community and the West-Indian community on the other. All the bagels and jerk chicken you can eat!

We've moved to Brooklyn for the roominess and an improvement in the quality of our life despite our less than extravagant income. We've moved here because we deserve to have a space that is a respite from work, from weather, from disappointment, from the sometimes harshness of the day. We moved to celebrate our new life, our new family in a place that allows room to move, to entertain and to grow. Manhattan doesn't allow for that at the present time.

And to be honest, I don't think I'd care if it did.

So even though, to some, it may seem that we've taken the expected next step in the scripted road map of marriage, we've done what we needed to do in order to feel that we are moving in the right direction. That direction just so happened to be across the river to the east.

Marital Bliss… For Him Anyway

2010-03-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

Marital Bliss… For Him Anyway

Out with the Old and in with the Eggs

2010-02-22T17:54:00.000-08:00

One day, last summer, as I was jogging around my parents' neighborhood, I noticed a number of garage sales. One of them marketed itself as a "wedding fundraiser." I thought, "what a great idea." I mentioned it to my parents and we decided to throw one this spring.

This is significant because if any of you know either Arthur or me you also know that we are extreme procrastinators. My parents agreed to come into the city yesterday to take some our for sale items and put them into the Hyundai. This helped force us to do a significant amount of inventory, clearing out and throwing out. In fact, a number of Arthur's toys and haven't worn in over two years accessories were removed. Never fear though, we are still holding onto not only one, but two hanging monkeys with the velcro hands. Or is it paws? Anyway, we were able to pack up some of our books, a few kitchen supplies, an air conditioner, a microwave and my 19 inch tv/vcr combo set that I have had since college and send them back to Holbrook.

Before we could muster up the strength to rummage through our material goods, we needed to have a protein packed breakfast. We didn't have much in the apartment, but I managed to create what I calling my tortilla frittata from random things in our refrigerator.

Recipe as I can remember it:

Ingredients:

1small onion, chopped

2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 teaspoons of olive oil

5 eggs

A splash of water

A pinch of cumin

A pinch of chili powder

A pinch of kosher salt

A pinch of black pepper

Half a cup of grated parmesean cheese (could've been more, I inadvertantly dumped a massive amount in), and two tablespoons reserved.

A pinch of cumin

A pinch of chili powder

5 small corn tortillas

1 tablespoon of butter
2 slices of light swiss cheese (would probably be really good with cheddar cheese)

Approximately 8 oz. of frozen broccoli (I say this because I used what was left in a 17 oz. bag), thawed

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees

Sautee onion on medium high heat until they soft slightly. Cover sautee pan and cook for about 10 minutes to caramelize. Add garlic, a bit of salt and a bit of pepper. Continue to cook for one minute. Remove from heat. Grease a pyrex pie pan with butter. Discard any left over butter. Overlap tortillas to line bottom of pie pan. Place swiss cheese on top of tortillas. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together eggs, water, 1/2 cup of cheese (I recommend using a spoon, as I learned my lesson the hard way), cumin, chili powder, salt and pepper. Add broccoli to onion and garlic medley. Pour onion, garlic and broccoli on top of swiss cheese, making an even layer. Pour egg mixture on top. Place in oven for about twenty minutes or until eggs are almost set. Put oven on broil. Remove pie pan, sprinkle remaining cheese on top of the eggs and place under broil until eggs are set and cheese is golden brown. Serve immediately.

Makes 4 servings.

I recommend this dish to fortifiy onself when preparing to carry heavy things down five flights of stairs, followed by walking up the stairs and repeating said process multiple times.

I wonder what we'll use as fuel next weekend when we actually move. Stay tuned!

We're Moving to Brooklyn

2010-02-15T12:31:00.000-08:00

After more than 12 years living in Manhattan (minus my year in London) and more than 10 years living in East Harlem, I will be moving to the PLG in less than two weeks. That's Prospect Lefferts Gardens in Brooklyn for those of you not in the know.*

It is a very exciting venture. The apartment is absolutely beautiful. There are 1700 square feet. It has everything you could possibly want - from a dishwasher to a washer/dryer to OUTGOING mail. The neighborhood feels fine and from what I've heard and read it was up and coming and is now more sort of at a stand still. Hence, why we were able to get this apartment for the price we did.

We are moving in with my brother-in-law and his lovely girlfriend. When I tell people that they tend to get all weird and wide eyed about it. It makes sense for us, though. Did I mention the two balconies?

We will pay less money then we are paying now in East Harlem for an apartment one quarter the size. At this time, we're in no position to buy anything or to rent out a beautiful apartment like this by ourselves. Compromises have to be made and at age 34 and 35 respectively, we deserve an adult apartment.

Am I a little nervous about it? Sure. I'm nervous to live with other people. I've only had one roommate and a boyfriend/fiance/husband since college. We are all reasonably relaxed people (I'm probably the most difficult of the four). There will be the ocassional tiff or two, but we'll work them out. I am also a bit nervous about my new commute. It is straight on the 2 train to Harlem, but I have to admit that knowing it will be over an hour on a good day scares me a bit. After I get used to it, it will be ok. Won't it? And besides, I think it is going to be more than worth it as I feel our quality of life will be greatly improved. Did I mention that there is a fully furnished roof deck?

Yesterday, we bought bedroom furniture - complete with a headboard and a footboard. Arthur has never had a bedroom set and it has been a long time since I had an actual bed (not just a mattress, a box spring and a frame). It makes me happy to think that we are doing something together that moves us in the direction of building a home. Did I mention the two sinks in the kitchen and a refrigerator that makes ice?

*I was not in the know until about six weeks ago. Also, I am pretty sure it is really Crown Heights.*

Romance Visited

2010-02-14T18:12:00.000-08:00

I am not a very romantic person. Remember that Sex and the City episode when Carrie is dating the Russian and he reads poetry to her by the fire and she wonders why she is so jaded about romance? Well, I can totally relate. For years, I devoured romance novels with gusto. I will drop everything to watch romantic period pieces. I enjoy a well-done romantic comedy. Yet, when it comes to romantic moments in my own life, I tend to avoid them. I giggle nervously or crack a joke or change the subject.

Last night, avoidance was not an option.

For our first Valentine's Day as a married couple, Arthur surprised me the night before V-Day at the monthly stand-up show he produces at Occhi's lounge in the basement of Comix. As I usually do at these events, I plopped myself down, along side a few friends and thought it would just another night of guffaws. As Arthur was hosting the event, he got up on stage several times.

Then he began talking about Valentine's Day and how he was thinking about what to do for me that would be special. When he said, "and then I realized I have a stage and a microphone and an Irish guy with a guitar," followed by said Irish guy getting his guitar and starting to strum, I realized that this would indeed be special. Arthur didn't sing to me. What he did do was pour out his emotions for three minute. My face flush, my body sweating and my heart beating quickly, I listened from outside my comfort zone as he spouted his love, his wonder, his gratitude and ocassionally his jokes. Speckled with humor, he painted a canvas of his love for me in front of friends, colleagues and strangers. It was beautiful. It was nothing I had ever experienced before and certainly the most romantic guesture I had ever witnessed.

Valentine's Day - the day, as my beloved husband reminded us last evening, that began in carnage - has always seemed a superfulous day for me. And when I was not with anyone, Valentine's day seemed either a terrible reminder of what was not in my life at the moment or an excuse to go out to dinner with friends and drink a lot of wine. I still dislike the Hallmark/make single people feel lesser/pressure to do something grand/made up holiday in theory.

However, last night I was the proud, mesmerized receipient of more romance than anyone probably has the right to. That critical, overly analytical part of me stepped aside and welcomed my Valentine.

Rehearsing? Sort of. Eating? Hopefully!

2010-02-13T10:58:00.001-08:00

After the lovely day spent with the wonderful women in my life, it was time to rehearse our exchange of nuptials and then, of course, eat!

Arthur had been freaking out a bit prior to the rehearsal dinner because he, his brother and his mom had gotten a bit lost making the trek out from New York City. I think the idea that he was really getting married started to hit home. He is usually not prone to nerves, but I could hear it in his voice as he called, saying, "I have no idea where we are or if we'll make it." Now, for all you Long Islanders out there, you must be thinking, "you can't get lost on Long Island." I thought the same thing. In any event, they managed to piece the puzzle together and arrive at the Three Village Inn with time to check in and change.

When I arrived wearing my Jessica McClintock (hello, 1992 prom) dress, the whole of the wedding party was awaiting my arrival. It felt a bit odd to be one of the guests of honor and I found myself shaking a bit. I was immediately handed a glass of wine by someone (I don't remember who you are now, but THANK YOU). Little did we know that a wedding was going on that evening and in order to rehearse, we going to have interlope slightly on the other's festivities. This made for slightly awkward moments and bumping into wait staff. My grandfather's temper flaired slightly conjuring up my fear that words would be said that would embarass me, but things calmed down as soon as we were able to move and walk into the room that would be where we got married if it rained (it was NOT going to rain despite the forecast saying that there was a 90% chance).

The rehearsal itself was fun and our offiant and my high school friend, Dan, did a fabulous job of moving things along and working out our kinks.

Next stop: Food Where? Why the Rib City Ale House, of course! It was a great prix fixe deal with decorations and a cake included. However, it turned out that because we had slightly less people than we had originally indicated to Frank, the owner, we were no longer able to sit in the semi-private room. Instead, we were put in the room next to where the band would be playing. This was just fine until the band started playing. Our relatives - old and young alike - had a hard time hearing with the loudness of the whole thing. Arthur's mom began feeling unwell half-way through the meal, which some might say could be attributed to seeing her...no strike that sitting across from and staying in the room next to...her ex-husband for the first time in years. One of my lovely best women offered to take her back to the hotel though and the next day she was fine.

The wine and beer poured, our food ordered, we anxiously awaited our food. And we waited. And we waited. We asked for bread. It was still baking. And we waited. Apparently, they were not prepared for all the people they had that night. Unfortunately, there was barely even an apology. The actual servers did there best, but the management was no where to be seen.

But then we had a great surprise! Arthur's best friend, Tom, after missing his first flight, managed to make it to the dinner mid-way through. Arthur and I were both thrilled by his presence after not seeing him for such a long time.

We then said a few words and handed out the gifts to the Friends of the Wedding and to my parents. Our offiant received the biggest bottle of Jack Daniels we could find. I shopped at Satya Jewelry for the best women, women of the wedding and the flower girl. The best women received lotus earrings. The flower girl was given a butterfly necklace and the women of the wedding received stretch bracelets in different stones. The men of the wedding received a flask, a pocket watch and a lighter with their respective initials engraved into them. The Ultimate Experts received engraved beer mugs. My parents received a gift certificate to their favorite local restaurant.

We ended up having a nice time and it was really great having all of our closest in one room together.

Review of Rib City Ale House: The food was ok, the service was eh and overall we were disappointed by the experience.

Review of our rehearsal evening: It was a great pre-cursor to what turned out to be a perfect event.

Determination

2010-02-13T10:55:00.001-08:00

I am bound and determined to finish this blog's first purpose, which was to discuss issues, moments and thoughts regarding our wedding. I know that I have been remiss and I won't dwell on the reasons why.

I do plan to continue blogging about married life after we finish the wedding part.

I hope you can stick with me, but if you don't/can't/could care less that's fine too.

Friday is Relaxation Station (Well, almost)

2009-12-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

The Friday before the wedding was meant to be nothing but relaxation, rehearsing and eating. It was all of those things to some extent, but before any of that could begin we had to drop off the items to Three Village Inn. Janette and I hurried up to Stony Brook from Holbrook to meet with Kim, the catering and sales manager. Kim looked slightly overwhelmed by all the stuff we were bringing in, which surprised me a little bit. Don’t other brides show up the day before the wedding with a big part of the wedding party in tow, boxes of centerpieces, favors, ribbon and wine bottles?
Anyway, after that fiasco, it was time for our reflexology appointment. I must, at this juncture, mention that we changed this appointment about three times during the course of the morning.

When we (Janette, Samia, Eugenia, Adrienne and I) arrived at the Relaxing Foot Station, I definitely needed an hour of a stranger voraciously kneeding my muscles. The room was dark, long and quiet. Massage chair upon massage chair lined the store. In assembly line fashion, each masseuse (refloxologist?) was assigned a patron. First, they sit you on a stool facing the big chair and put up your hair and work on your back for about twenty minutes. Then you sit in the chair and they cover you with towels. The rest of the time is spent working on your legs and feet. During our session, I suddenly heard a familiar voice say, “Hi. Is Andrea Podgarsky here”? This was quickly followed by a lot of “ssssshhhh’s.” It was my friend, Gabi. It made look up and chuckle, but then go right back to being pampered (or pummeled? Is there a difference?).

When our appointment was over and my friends yelled at me for not telling the reflexologist to go lighter, the bunch of us when out for pizza. It was really a nice, impromptu meal with friends. In fact, the whole day was exactly what every bride should have in the hours leading up to her wedding. I felt loved, appreciated and exactly where I wanted to be at that moment.

Next, it was time for our nail appointments. My cousin Sarah, the flower girl, and her mother, my aunt Judy met us there for a little pre-wedding pampering. It was Sarah’s first time getting her nails done and I think she really enjoyed it all!

She's well on her way to being one of the girls!

Aroma Nail Salon was lovely. It had a lovely amosphere. We had the run of the place.

Unfortunately, I smudged a toenail. Fortunately, I didn't care all that much.

Next up: Rehearsal Dinner.

A Very Belated Wedding Weekend Recap Part I - DYI Madness

2009-12-07T09:28:00.000-08:00

I know. I know. I have been incredibly lax with the upkeep of this blog. My apologies to those who had been reading it. (Does anybody actually read it?)

Anyway, Arthur and I just celebrated our two month anniversary. Who'd have thought we would have made it this far? Yeah us!

I am going to start from the very beginning or at least where I left off.

The Thursday and Friday before the wedding is somewhat a blur because it was so hectic. There were labels to be made, programs to be printed, dresses to be picked up from the dry cleaners, underwear to buy, and finishing touches to be put on so many things. My mother and I were having a hard time getting along. Now, it all seems somewhat foolish, but we were both incredibly stressed out. I acknowledge that most, if not all, of the snarkiness was probably my fault. It reminds me of those moments during high school right before the dinner dances and the prom. I would be very nervous and want everything to be perfect and so the one person I always felt most inclined to be angry with was my mother. Daughters, I ask you, who more can you be snippy with than your mothers?
In any event, now that the festivities are all over, I no longer need to keep the details a secret.

At first, as I have probably mentioned before, I was very anti having favors. Favors now-a-days seem to fall into two categories: the uber tacky or the uber trendy. The first category consists of knick knacks with the couples names on them that the guests will never use, but will feel too guilty to away. The second category is usually a donation to a charity. Don't get me wrong, I think the concept of a mass donation in lieu of unnecessary material items is fantastic. However, we had already chosen to register at Target and use the IDO foundation because they give back to charity. I just wasn't comfortable with either choice.
When my aunt Terry mentioned making chocolate for our post-wedding brunch, it somehow ballooned into her making chocolate for favors. Now, homemade chocolate was definitely something with which I could live. Why? 1) It was homemade 2) People could EAT it. 3) It didn't cost a fortune 4) CHOCOLATE!

Of course, we couldn't just throw pieces of the yummy, creamy goodness on the table - no matter how pretty they were (mixes of milk chocolate, dark chocolate and white chocolate covered pretzels, nut cups, leaves and crispy leaves). This is the packaging we came up with:

We bought the little white boxes at the dollar store. We purchased the cellophane bags to hold the chocolate, the golden homemade sticker, kiwi colored ribbon and mini-red roses at the craft store. My friends came over a few weeks before the wedding. See "The Little Things Post." to help put it all together. Of course, we had run out of ribbon and so mom and I had to finish them on October 1st - the Thursday before the wedding.

We also had to finish up the hotel gifts. Instead of creating gift bags, we decided upon a bottle of local, seasonal wine for each hotel guest - Pindar's Autumn Gold.

I fell in love with them and the way they looked. However, I freaked out on Thursday, thinking that we did not have enough (there were some guest RSVP’s at the last minute). So my mom and I ran around on Thursday buying a few bottles (at a higher price) and then later sending out my aunt and my friend for others! It turns out we didn't end up using the extras, of course. I was still pleased with outcome and from all accounts the wine was pretty good. We never did try it ourselves.

The finishing touches for the wedding cake also needed to be dealt with. I know I should have figured it out earlier, but it was just one of those things that kept falling to the bottom of the pile. No sweat! We solved the dilemma using the same method with which we solved many other wedding DYI dilemmas. Another crazed trip to the crafts store! I picked out three sizes of ribbon and my mom threw together some beautiful silk flowers for the topper. She really has a great eye. Results? Artistic confectionary wonder! Judge for yourself:

Thankfully, my mother had completed the centerpieces ahead of time. They turned out great, giving the reception room at Three Village Inn a warm, cozy glow and setting the tone for the evening.

She had not, however, completed the bouquets. She stayed up late Thursday night finishing them up. This probably didn't help our crankiness with each other, I’d imagine! It was worth it in the end, though. The bouquets, corsages and boutonnières were absolute perfection. My mom is very talented.

Perhaps the biggest headache of the days leading up to the wedding were the programs. I mentioned this in a previous blog entry and things did not improve. One of my best women, Janette, kindly took over the reins of this seemingly impossible task, much to my relief. She did a fabulous job and in the end, they looked amazing.

So that was Thursday.

The Big Questions

2009-10-01T07:56:00.001-07:00

I have found that whenever anyone whom I am not particularly close with sees or talks to me since I have been engaged, they ask one of three questions:

1) "Are you excited?" "Are you getting excited?" "Is Arthur excited?" "Is Arthur getting excited?" This question and its various incarnations has been posed to me for quite a while. I would say that since my shower at the end of June, it is the first thing asked. At first, I would reply with the assumptive, "yes." and leave it at that. Hey, they were the ones to ask the close-ended questions. When prompted to add details, I would. Yet, my response was inevitably followed by a glazed look in the eyes of the inquirer.

2) Similar to above, there is the "What is there left to do?" Or "Are you ready?" The isinterest quickly becomes apparant and I regret even answering. This angers me because since I do take a bit of an anti-bride stance, I do my best not to talk about the wedding at every turn. I never wanted to be that bride-to-be that has no other conversational topic in her arsenal in the months leading up to the nuptials. But THEY asked ME! Ok, lesson learned. So now, if asked, I just say a hearty, "yup" or "not too much!"

3) The above awkwardness has lately been replaced with, "are you nervous?" How is one meant to answer this question? What am I meant to be nervous about? The preparations? The ceremony? Marrying my enfianced? It gets a woman to thinking. Why don't I feel nervous? Shoud I be nervous? Now, I am just nervous about everyone asking me whether I am nervous.

It all leads me to understand that there are definite prescribed dialogues surrounding weddings. When one deters from it or tries to bend or change it, it becomes uncomfortable. At least, that's how I felt at times. Maybe I'm the one making it that way?

Two days to go!

The Little Things

2009-09-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how lucky I am? I have never thought that I was a particuarly crafty or creative person. Sure, I can put a bouquet together to bring to a friend's party. I can pick out a nice pair of earrings to go with a particular outfit. I can cook pretty well. But I don't necessarily have the patience or the coordination to manufacture the items that people "oooh" and "aaah" over. Hence, my short-lived career in jewelry making.

That's why I am so very fortunate to have crafty, creative and patient family and friends.

On Sunday, several of my lovely wedding ladies, as well as my mother and aunt came over to help me put together favors and guest gifts. One my aunt's had already generously put in a great deal of time in the creation of the favors. My mother and I had been shopping around town for months for the little bits to tie it altogether. I didn't particularly care about the angle of this or the amount of that and that's why I am lucky. My friends took charge and I just gave the nod of approval and before you knew it (after much food - we never do small amounts of food in my family - and a little bit of wine), they were almost all assembled. They also look adorable and they are exactly what I envisioned.

After a week of feeling uber stressed about work, apartment issues and the lack of time to get everything done, an afternoon with some of my closest was exactly what I needed. A few hours of laughing and being surrounded by love and support was just what the wedding planner ordered.

And by wedding planner, I mean me.

Do We Really Need Them?

2009-09-27T17:31:00.000-07:00

So despite having heard a myriad of horror stories from various friends and acquaintances regarding the printing and assembling of their wedding programs, we very wisely chose to print and assemble our programs ourselves. On Friday night, Arthur and I penned what I believe to be a very cute, very appropriate, very us wording for the programs. We even found graphics, etc. to go with the theme. I was not a little pleased with our efforts. And then? And then we started the printing process. We began the attempt at roughly 10 PM on Friday. It is now Sunday evening and still the demon cardstock remains as pristine as when first purchased. Damn Martha Stewart and her "living." Damn the craft store that had those blasted things on clearance. And damn my own attempts at being frugal.

And you know you are in trouble when in the FAQ section, we have the following: Q: How do I know if my programs will print correctly? A: You should test it out to see if it will print correctly. End of story.

Sigh.

I won't be broken by these things. Good will triumph over evil. The righteous will conquer the unworthy. I will prevail.

Or we won't have programs. Perhaps, a herald or two instead?

Pineapple Martini Night

2009-09-26T13:54:00.001-07:00

AKA My Bachelorette Party.

Well, my friends truly out did themselves in the planning my bachelorette party. Without giving away all the details, I am going to summarize what was one of the best night's of my life.

4:30 PM. I arrive at Samia's apartment (two buildings from mine) for a glass of wine and some cheese and pate (yummy-o).

5:15 PM. Janette arrives. More wine.

5:30 PM. We jump in a cab headed downtown. Janette and Samia decide they want to tell me what the night we be and then make a lot of stuff up. I don't buy it.

5:50 PM. We arrive at Central Bar. There is a table area reserved for us. I drink two extra dirty martinis.

6:45 PM. It is revealed to me that the DVD montage that Arthur created for me is not going to be shown due to technical difficulties. Very graciously, the hostes at offers us free shots to soften the blow. Then some magical Irishman gets it working. We still have the shots. The DVD is awesome. I laughed a lot and Arthur, as always, did a wonderful job.

7:00 PM?. We big our walk over to Lafayette street. I still have no clue what is going on.

7:15 PM. We arrive at the New York School of Burlesque where we are greeted by Gal Friday. She hands out long gloves and boas and teaches us several moves. She is fabulous. We are all excellent at it and decide to create our own burlesque club. Ok, that's not true. We do put tassles on our ta-tas and learn how to shake them. I am a pro already.

8:30 PM. Another cab. We get out at DBGB. I spot Tiki Barber in the very crowded dining room. We are shown to a private seating area. The hostess tells us we are their first bachelorette party. I am pretty sure this was our cue to take off our clothes or go find a stripper. We did neither. I feel that we disappointed her. In any event, we had a prix-fixe meal and the menu read, "Andrea's Bachelorette Party." The food was delicious and we all drank a lot of wine. We were also able to dock our own ipod, which was fun. The women all went around telling their first/favorite memory of me. It was so sweet and I, once again, realize how lucky I am.

I also get a tour of the kitchen, which was super cool. I still dream about the ice cream sundae....

11:00???PM: We take another cab to the Fat Black Pussy Cat. I am immediately accosted by a very drunk young man with very tight fitting clothing. He dances me around the room several times.

Then I order a pineapple martini. A bachelor party arrives. I am asked if one of the party can give me a lap dance. I say why not. He's embarassed, but it is funny. Some one of their party offers to buy me a drink. I ask for a pineapple martini. We dance a lot more. The boa continuously comes into play. Two more bachelorette parties show up. I don't like it. Not one bit. I dance go-go style on the table with some extra large gentlemen. More boa.

At one point, Janette, Eugenia and I go up to the bar and do about three shots because someone buys them for us. Then I get another pineapple martini. We dance a lot more. Another gentleman asks me to borrow my sash. I say ok, but then want it back. He buys me another pineapple martini. More dancing. More boa.

3:00???AM, I arrive home. I decide that since I hear Arthur move that he is awake. I perform my burlseque for him. Then, I pass out.

Altogether fabulous.

RSVP = Respondez Vous S'il Vous Plait (LET US KNOW IF YOU ARE COMING OR NOT!)

2009-09-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have hear a lot of stories from various friends and acquaintances with regards to their wedding guests showing up/not showing up/bringing extra people/bringing uninvited children, etc.

I am not sure about what will actually happen on the day of the wedding yet (I'm hoping someone won't just show up or that friend x won't bring her five children - we actually don't know anybody with five children, but I like to use exaageration to my comedic advantage), but I do know that I find some guests lack of clarity as to their attendance very strange indeed. My response to their responses or absence there of:

A) Save the Dates were sent out in March
B) Wedding invitations were sent out at the end of July
C) RSVP date was clearly September 1st.
D) There was a response card on which one only had to check off attendance or regrets and write their name.
E) There was a stamp on the outside envelope of the response card (all you have to do is put it in the mailbox. You don't even need to seal it really. It isn't a secret).
F) After I have asked you about it 4 or 5 times, maybe you could come up with an answer.
G) No, I will not make your hotel reservations for you.
H) Yes, there are taxis in Long Island (we've had 'em here since 'round-a-bouts 1995, I s'pose).
I) Please don't be surprised that there is no vacancy at the place I explained only has 25 guest rooms six months ago.
j) At this point, you would have had to make dinner reservations for October 3, let alone respond to a wedding.

Ok. Glad to have gotten that out of my system.

Bachelor Party

2009-09-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

Arthur has had his bachelor party. By all accounts it was a fun, shot-filled, laughter filled, gambling filled, afternoon/evening/morning of debauchery.

When I mentioned to people that Arthur was having this oh so many of wedding traditions, there was often a look of "oh, no! Are you ok with that?"

What is there to be ok with? How could I not be ok with it? I was not worried in the least when I kissed him farewell and told him to have a good time before he went off. I love and trust my future husband. If I didn't, then I would have absolutely no business marrying him.

In any event, I thought it would be fun to type up the text messages that I received from the boys the night of Arthur's bachelor party. Imagine these intermingled with my soon to be brother-in-law's facebook photo updates (mostly of himself).

Arthur: Heading out now. Ready for boobs, booze, and um, some gambling word that begins with boo, maybe bookies?

One they were on the train to Atlantic City:

Arthur: We are on our way. Love you and early apology for the night.

Friend #1: I'm sorry too.

My brother: Me too.

Future brother-in-law: We are all sorry.

My response: I feel those were insincere apologies at best. Have fun. Tell all I say hi and have fun and that they are not as sorry now as they will be!!! P.S. Remember mine is next weekend.

Arthur: I do. Bryan by the way just spilt beer. Funny.

Arthur: Friend #2 is close to being thrown off. :)

Friend #1: Not sincere??? I resemble that!

Me: You sure do!

Friend #1: You know we'll take care of him... :-)

Friend #1 Anyone know where we can get a hooker in Atlantic City? (Found out later that this text was NOT meant for me)

Me: I might have a few numbers. What did you have in mind?

Friend #1: You baby...come on down! Can you handle a donkey? Cause we paid a lot of money to get him there.

Arthur: Please give Friend #1 those numbers. It's for the other guys.

Arthur: Drunk already. Not off train. One thing for certain: love you so much. More love messages later!

See. Nothing to worry about.

Four Weeks and Counting

2009-09-07T12:13:00.001-07:00

Some things that we've accomplished since my last post.

1) Arthur has a lovely suit.
2) Thanks to one of my loverly best women, hair and make-Up trials have been successfully accomplished. In fact, as I type this, I have more make-up on than I own and glitter in my hair. Might be xnaying the itter-glay.
It's been a while since I last wrote about our wedding preparations. Things have been moving along at lightening speed at this point.
3) Flowers for the bouquets and corsages have been purchased.
4) Most people have RSVP'd (but not all...it has a stamp on it, people!)
5) I have had two out of three of my fittings. Let me tell you, when I purchased the dress I thought it was wonderful, but after the seamstress worked her magic....I absolutely am head over heels in LOVE with the dress.
6) MOTB dress and shoes purchased
7) Wedding Jewelry purchased.
8) Presents for the women in the ceremony party have been purchased.
9) Gifts for those who are travelling purchased.
10)Finalized rehearsal dinner venue and put down a deposit on it.

As you can see, we've been busy, busy, busy wedding bees.

I want to it to just be here already. Four weeks seems like so far away and yet I know it will speed on by. I also find myself getting more and more excited about the big day. I worry that I am getting overly wrapped up in a lot of the craziness - both in my psyche and through my expenditures. My mind is more singularly focused on this day than I had anticipated. Luckily, my job does not allow the complete bridal machine take over of my mind. Yet, I find myself continuously handing over the credit card to buy "just one more" thing to make it "perfect." I am not perfect. Arthur is not perfect. In fact, we are pretty perfectly imperfect. I need to stay grounded and hold true to myself and remember what this really all about. Arthur finally getting health insurance. I kid.

Things I Swore I'd Never Do

2009-07-31T14:44:00.000-07:00

Despite having trained for a half-marathon in March and continuing to train for another one in August, I found myself feeling like the pounds were creeping on. I am afraid I fell into the old, "I've just run 5 miles, I can eat whatever I want and however much I want of it" trap. I, therefore, decided that I needed some discipline. I re-joined Weight Watchers. As I submitted payment by typing in my American Express account number, I started thinking about how this is something I promised myself that I'd never do before my wedding. I swore up and down that I would not be one of those brides who insists that she lose 10 pounds before she walks down the aisle. "I am what I am," I proclaimed in my most feminist of tones. "This is just one day, an important day, but just one day. I refuse to succumb to those discourses which make women feel that they should look "better" on their wedding days." Anyway, sometimes I just need a little disciplining in my eating habits. This is probably the sixth time in my life that I have joined the big WW. One would say that shows how much it doesn't work, but it helps me get my balance to add my points and make sure I stick to them.

In any event, I've yo-yo'd since I've re-joined. We've given up the internet in our apartment, which hinders my obsessive tallying of points. Therefore, I haven't really done it in two weeks. Maybe it is a good thing and maybe it isn't. I'll guess we'll find out when I put on the dress. Either way, we're just going to have a good time celebrating that day and hopefully, nobody will be counting their points.

A Surprising Turn of Events

2009-07-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

...caught your attention with that one. Didn't I?

My two best women - Janette and Samia have picked out their best women outfits. As you may or may not recall from previous blog entries, I have always been against assigning dresses to my "bridal party." I have purchased way too many "oh, you'll wear it again" dresses for hundreds of dollars. Besides, we were trying to be a little less formal, a little less "wedding-y." I wanted those participating intimately in this special event to feel their most comfortable, their most confident without breaking the bank. After one far in advance planned shopping trip during which we came up empty, we decided to do internet searches and reconvene. It turns out that David's Bridal - that's right, David's Bridal, of all places - had the most reasonable prices for flattering green dresses. Before venturing into the hotbed of all things wedding machine, we chose the color "clover" and the ladies tried on a bunch of short cocktail style dresses. They both chose the same dress. So suddenly the bride to be who was trying desperately not to dictate dress style or even color is scratching her head over the fact that her best women will be clad in David Bridal Couture. This is not their dress.

Speaking of which, after the best ladies chose their garments, I went back to David's Bridal (a different one in LI) a week later with my mother, two of my aunts and my cousin (the flower girl...is there a better genderlicious term for this? Flower girl sounds kind of nice). This would make the third time that I had an appointment with them. Yet, I could not get over the difference in the amount of attention I received from appointment A - looking for a bridal gown to appointment B - looking to purchase two "bridesmaids" dresses to appointment C - just shopping for a flower girl dress. The first time, I had a devoted attendant. She spent over an hour on me, getting me anything I wanted and helping me at every turn. The second time, the woman helped us out and proceeded to sketch pictures of naked women by the computer monitor (I kid not) until we needed her, but at least she was around. This last time really irked me. Our attendant walked us over the white dress flower girl area showed us where the size 10's were and watched us as we picked out a few dresses. She then took us to the fitting room and disappeared for the rest of the afternoon. We had to flag down another person to show us some of the other more colorful options. When we went up front to put some things on the "wish list," and asked about sizing, we were asked snottily, "well, did she try on the 10?" When I explained that nobody had been around to help us, the attitude continued.

You know, I'm not particularly sophisticated, but when the clerks at David's Bridal in Smithtown give you sass, it may be time to reassess some things.

We bought the flower girl dress at Burlington Coat factory for less than half of what the evil people at DB were going to charge. Take that! This is NOT Sarah's dress. I just thought this image was slightly creepy. Thought we could open up the floor to the implications of projecting images of young girls as brides...any takers?

Anyway, as the fates would have it, we might have to go back to DB. We liked one of the dresses for my mother. She looked beautiful in a Sapphire blue number with a lacy top. Maybe Burlington Coat Factory will have a better deal on that one too. At the very least, since we do not need to make an appointment or have someone pretend to help us, we won't be disappointed with the service.

I'm All Showered

2009-06-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

While I tend to not care for (ok, deplore) many of the "traditions" surrounding the modern wedding, there are quite a few to which I have been looking forward. One of them being my bridal shower. I just think that there is something very cool about a women only event where all generations gather around to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one women. It seems so very Rent Tent. I never really minded going to them, had a lot of fun throwing them and was really looking forward to mine.

About a month ago, at a work happy hour, Co-worker A unintentionally let it slip that she had received "my shower invitation." Co-worker B promptly hit her. "I didn't know it was supposed to be a surprise!" declared Co-worker A. I assured her that I knew that I wasn't going to get one and still had no idea when. Then we went back to drinking.

This got my wheels spinning, of course. I had not even been thinking about my shower at the end of May since the wedding was still over four months. Then, being my overly analytical/obsessive self, I started to nitpick away at all the possible dates. I settled in on one in particular and given certain things that were said throughout the next few weeks, I felt pretty certain about it. But I didn't want to know! I started asking questions to get people to tell me that it wasn't that date because I wanted so badly to be truly surprised. To everyone's credit, they were good at trying to throw me off track. One friend even sent me a fake Shower invitation so that I would not go to hers and have that day open. The ruse was that we were going bridal dress shopping for another friend, Samia, and were going to surprise her with champagne to celebrate her engagement.

In any event, irregardless of any correct assumption on my part or presence or lack of surprise, my friends and mother threw me the best bridal shower ever.

It was held in the common room of friend, Eugenia's apartment building. When I walked in with my friend, Gabi, I guess no one was expecting me because they were all just standing around chatting. Slowly, people started to see me. I went back out and came back in so they could take "surprised" pictures. As I made my rounds, saying hi and giving hugs and kisses, I began to notice all the little, perfect details. There were green table cloths and red and green cups and plates, beautiful garnet, white and green center pieces made by my mother, Turkish food (falafel, tahini, tzasiki, pita, cheese cigars and taramasalata) along with tomato, mozzarella salad, green salad with cranberries, nuts and feta and a hero, as well as all sorts of drinks (most importantly wine).

My cousin Sarah gave me a corsage, which was very thoughtful and sweet.

Then the special guest star, who turned out not to be a stripper, but a baker arrived. Veronica taught the guests to decorate lingerie cookies (matching panties (I hate that word) and bra sets, bustiers and nightgowns). There were also some animals and flowers for the kids.

She then proceeded to give me a private lesson in making a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. It was so much fun and right up my alley. I felt like I was on a cooking show. All the ingredients were measured ahead of time and after I poured the batter into the baking sheet, Veronica swapped it out for the cooked version. The finished product was not sampled until Arthur and I got home that evening, but it was delicious - as you can see from the amount missing that very same night!

Later on, there was more cake and then the opening of presents. During this event, my future sister-in-law, Jen, asked the crowd questions about my relationship with Arthur. I think the most significant question was the "When did Arthur know Andrea was the one?" The answer? When I was able to identify from another room that particular light saber sounds were from The Empire Strikes Back (not A New Hope or Return of the Jedi). I'm pretty sure I appalled some people by that reveal and may have lost a few guests for October...

Anyway, everyone was sweet and generous and it was all a great deal of fun. All the guests got to take home the lingerie cookies they made as well as these "Turkish" tea jars made by Janette.

I am one lucky woman to have so many amazing women in my life.

P.S. I took most of the photos with my new digital camera given to me by my parents for the shower.

Hey DJ, Pump this Party

2009-06-23T18:32:00.001-07:00

It has finally been done. We have finally booked a DJ. There will be music at the wedding. People will dance. They will not need to do their best rendition of Madonna's Like a Virgin or Outkast's Hey Ya. And I think I can safely say that we are all happy that my father won't be singing any Neil Sedaka or CCR. As it turns out, said booked DJ is Art's friend's sister's uncle's cousin's room mates' third cousin once removed (I forget what the actual relationship is) and so therefore we are giving money to someone with whom we sort of have a connection. We were just about to book with the Pros when we finally managed to get in touch with this guy, Rob. Now, I'm sure the Pros DJ would've rocked the house, I felt like we were settling as we had not met the dude and were only truly considering him because of the cost. We were also struggling over whether or not it was worth $200 more for the cocktail hour. Lo and behold are newest vendor costs less for 5 hours than the Pros DJ was going to charge for 4 hours (already a real bargain after having shopped around for a while). To further our good fortune, October 3 was the only available date in October that Rob had open. It is nice that something turned in our favor.

As my mother mentioned, he is another definite to go towards our 100 guest minimum.

Eh. As long as he's got the Grease remix, we'll feed him.

Maybe I Should Return My Midriff Baring Mini-Skirt Wedding Ensemble?

2009-06-22T15:05:00.001-07:00

Check out the Newsweek article on how slutty modern brides have become here. : http://www.newsweek.com/id/200495?gt1=43002 and the Feministing response.

I find this part amusing: "While most sociologists agree that women admitting to lust and wanting to be sexually empowered is a good thing, they see a problem with making exhibitionism the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony: it might crowd out other aspects of the marriage."

What else is the modern wedding if not an exhibition? Why else do people pay tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars for a one day event? Why else do women daydream their whole lives over the perfect, fairy tale wedding (whether or not she wears a "princess" dress or a slinky Vivienne Westwood gown)? Why else spend months painstakingly picking out linens, shoes, favors, invitations, flowers, etc.? I think Newsweek missed the mark here.

The Response to the Atlantic article

2009-06-18T18:30:00.001-07:00

Shared via AddThis

The Sandrah Tsing Loh article doesn't necessarily paint modern marriage in a positive light nor does it go beyond traditional gender discourses, but the Feministing response is a good one. I also look forward to their marriage forum.

Letâs Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

2009-06-18T18:25:00.001-07:00

Letâs Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

Shared via AddThis

A Cake Made in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

2009-06-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

I just thought this was cute: Back to the Future Wedding Cake. It was found on Serious Eats.

If we had unlimited funds to go to one of these ultra fancy bakeries and wedding cake designers, I would want a Star Wars cake.

The R2D2 groom's cake is cute, but they still have Jedi Knight cake toppers on the actual wedding cake. These two are probably die hard fans.

I think they just put the Hasbro figures on the top. It is still a good idea.

This is my favorite except that I find it slightly creepy that Leia and Luke are getting married. Ummm...did this couple see Return of the Jedi?

What would your fun, fantasy cakes look like?

Now, It's Istanbul

2009-06-10T18:43:00.001-07:00

Or is it Constantinople?

My renewed passport has arrived (Arthur's hasn't...hmm....maybe he really cannot leave the country), our airline tickets are bought, our tour is booked. We even have travel insurance. I guess this means we are actually going on a honeymoon.

So now, what's left?

1) Finalize music issue (yes, dear readers, amazingly that issue has yet to be resolved)
2) Figure out what we are doing about the rehearsal dinner (see above parenthetical side note)
3) Buy stamps, print out and mail invitations
4) Get the bridal party gussied up (in other words, find their dresses and then corresponding outfits for men)
5) Create wedding centerpieces
6) Create guest bags
7) Purchase and design silk flower creations
8) Buy shoes for wedding dress
9) Buy accessories for wedding dress
10) Get fittings done
11) Buy a suit and shoes for Arthur (as well as a rehearsal dinner outfit)
12) Write ceremony
13) Write vows
14) Get a marriage license
15) Determine if we are doing favors or not
16) Determine if we are doing a first dance and what our song will be
17) Buy presents for bridal party

It is a long list. I'm sure it could/should be longer, but Top Chef Masters is about to start.

The Elusive Dress

2009-06-08T12:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, my two best women and I traveled to Roosevelt Field Mall to explore its nooks and crannies and find dresses for them. Arthur and I want our colors for the wedding to be peridot and garnet (the colors of our birthstones). At first, as you may have read before, we were more or less going to let the best women and best men wear whatever they felt comfortable in. This is still very important to us, but we may try to have the women in one color and the men wear ties in the other color. First, though, we need to find the dresses.

After planning this day months ago, we were all anxious to get out there and start shopping. So we made the logical first stop. The food court, of course! Hey. There were free samples. And, well, one needs sustenance in order to walk around the mall for hours. Don't judge!

Anyway, after a quick lunch and discussion over day before wedding activities (J found a great reflexology place in LI and we no plan to make appointments), we were off.

We went to Bloomingdales, Macy's, Nordstrom's, JC Penny, Ann Taylor, J. Crew and Jessica McClintock. This list is neither in order nor complete.

When we walked into our first store, we noticed that pea soup green is quite in and we all mocked it, as women do when they shop. We moved on to to try to find clover greens, grass greens, seafoam greens or apple greens. Need more green references? Click here. Nothing was wowing us. There were sun dresses and "maxi" dresses and formal gowns, but there seemed to be a dearth of cute green cocktail dresses in most of the stores.

Then J found a dress that looked very good on her. Guess what color it was? Pea soup green! She bought it! The next challenge was to find a dress that complimented it for S. Do you know how hard it is to find a dress that does not clash with pea soup green? You don't know. It's pretty freakin' hard.

Meanwhile, we stepped into Jessica McClintock for kicks and trips down prom memory lane. It turned out that they had a dress with both green and garnet! It was really funky and when J handed it to me, I laughed at first and joked that I should be in Moulin Rouge. I tried it on, it fit and looked good. It was also 25% off. I bought it for the rehearsal dinner. Note: that is not at all settled and I was a bit worried about wearing such an ensemble to Rib City. I mean is it weird to wear a fancy cocktail dress to a place that has a carton character display of the animal you about to eat? My best women convinced me that my concerns were unwarranted, that it was just about the only time I could wear something like that and I got over it. It is now safely ensconced at J's place so that Arthur cannot see it. Did you know the tradition is that it is bad luck for the groom to see the rehearsal dinner dress before the rehearsal?

Anyway, we left the mall feeling slightly unsatisfied in regards to our original quest. We had to make this past shopping date about two months ago because of everyone's schedule, so I fear it will take just as long to do it again. In the mean time, there will be lots of on-line shopping.

Four Months and Counting...

2009-06-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

According to my mother's monthly text message, we're just four months away from tying the knot. That's right, folks. Four months from today, we'll be bustin' a move on the dance floor of the Three Village Inn. What song will it be? The electric slide? The chicken dance? YMCA? The Grease montage? Oh, please let it be the Grease montage. Please. Please. Please.

In actual fact, we don't have the music situation squared away yet so it might just be rounds of row row row your boat. Maybe I can dig up some old mixed tapes.

So where are we at within the wedding count down list?

Side note, there are approximately thirty bridal related magazines at the bodega at the 34th Street Path station. There were even several on getting engaged. I don't really understand what is in that magazine. I don't think I want to know. Anyway, according to various wedding expert sources, we should:

1) Book the rehearsal dinner and day after brunch venues. We're working on that one. We know where the post-wedding brunch will be. My childhood abode. Thanks mom and dad. The rehearsal dinner is another story. We have one place in mind because of its proximity to the wedding venue and affordability. However, at the end of the day, since we are paying for most of this ourselves, it is still just another expense. Then there is the question of the guest list. Do we invite all out of town guests? How can we possibly afford that? Do we just invite those actually in the wedding and close family and let all of those who traveled far to be with us fend for themselves?

2) Check on the wedding invitations. "Umm....hi, costco....umm...are they ready?"

3) Select and order the cake. Attend several tastings. Cake. Yummy. Well, it is included at the Inn. Too bad. We like to taste.

4) Purchase shoes and start dress fittings. Well, my first fitting is not until August. I'm thinking gold. I like the Manolos below, but I'm not Carrie Bradshaw so if anyone sees some knock offs, let me know!

5) Schedule hair and makeup artists. Luckily, one of my best women volunteered.

6) Choose songs. Grease montage!

7) Plan welcome baskets for guests, if desired. What says Long Island? How does one get a thick accent into a welcome basket? Seriously, they are desired. We have some ideas.

In any event, it is nice to see that without having looked at the "lists" in a while, that we are looking pretty good.

Grease is the word!

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

2009-06-03T18:20:00.001-07:00

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

Shared via AddThis

Feminist Thoughts On Marriage Norms

2009-06-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

They are not my thoughts, but thought I would share. Check out this blog entry posted on Feministing.com called Marriage Norms for the Twenty-First Century.

I would add busting up the wedding industry that is allowed to bleed brides and grooms dry all to create that "perfect" day that can, I imagine, never quite live up to expectations. Furthermore, we need to counter the discourses that proclaim the "wedding day" as the most important day in a hetero girl/woman's life, while the hetero boy/man simply shows up because he has more important things to do/worry about.

A Slice of Turkey

2009-06-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

So our current honeymoon focus is now Turkey. Insert my father's more than likely corny poultry joke here. Tooling around on the internet, in my quest to find a cheaper way to have an amazing honeymoon, I came upon European Destinations, which is actually a very cool website. It allows for multiple city bookings. On it, I found an interesting itinerary including Dubai, Istanbul and Athens. A full-fledged mostly inclusive close to nine night honeymoon seems to be able to be had at about $5,000. This is a heck of a lot less than what we were finding for Morocco (I think this is mainly based upon airfare).

So this got us thinking. I mentioned it to a few friends. Dubai got a few interesting reactions, but over all the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Yesterday, Arthur and I set ourselves down in the corner of the Bible section of Barnes and Noble (by the way, if you are looking for the King James version B&N is not the place to go) and poured through the travel guides on the UAE, Turkey and Greece. We read up on Dubai and while interesting, I wasn't sure it was where I wanted us to spend our honeymoon. Beyond that, it is cheaper to stay in one country. While Arthur really wanted to go to Greece, it seemed the most frugal to stick with Turkey.

I have often heard that Turkey is the poor person's Greece. Besides, the more I find out about ancient ruins, bazaars, Turkish baths (eyebrow wiggle), small seaside towns and look at the photos of the Bosphorus, "fairy chimneys," calcium cliffs and natural rock castles, the more I want to spend our honeymoon there.

We have gotten a few quotes from some tour agencies and right now we are leaning towards one that is based out of Turkey called Online Turkey Tours

(note: they have that ever present logo that seems to be on every New York City bus). I like that they are Turkish (does the logo make it more legit or am I just a sucker for marketing?) and they seem very accommodating.

It is not a "tour" tour, they just arrange everything for you, which is another great thing. Anyway, it is my current obsession. Arthur is probably sick of all the e-mail updates and findings, but he's taking it all in stride.

After all, in about four months, he is marrying me.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

2009-05-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

After hours of sweating over yards of ecru, tons of bamboo, reams of recycled symbols, tri-folds and bi-folds, inserts and thermography and after countless arguments, tears and threatened break-ups, we've finally done it. We've chosen the vehicle through which we will endeavor to convince friends, family, co-workers and the once were friends and are now are more acquaintances to our wedding. It was a struggle, and in the end, Arthur's idea won out. If you think you might be one of those who shall receive some such petition from us, I would like to offer one piece of advice, beware the trumpeters.

Nah. I was just trying to make buying invitations sound dramatic. It wasn't. We just looked on-line, ordered a few samples and then made a relatively painless decision. At least, I think it was pretty painless. Most of my big decision making is filled with a certain amount of angst and anything less than that is like winning the lottery. In other words, Arthur might disagree as to whether or not it was easy. We did sift through the verbiage for the invitation, as well as the response cards. I find that if I do the initial research and then present Author with my top ten choices, it makes things easier for both of us. Except of course, when he doesn't choose the right one.

In any event, we went through costco invitations. The same invitations at other, more popular invitation sites were over $100 more expensive. So I am please. They are simple and elegant. Sort of like us. Well, the simple part at least.

These are not our invitations.

That's a Good Answer, In't?

2009-05-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

If you have a moment, click on this link: Couple's 81st wedding anniversary
Frank says the secret to the longevity of their marriage is give and take. It is as simple as that. As I watched the video and read the story about their century of life and eighty one years of marriage, I could not help but feel in awe of them. They must have lived through much together and now they celebrate this landmark with smiles and bright eyes. As Anita has to repeat everything so that Frank can hear it and as they hold hands and giggle, they look content. And after all of the ups and downs, fights and make-ups, kisses and bruised egos, thoughtful actions and careless misdeeds, toilet seats left up and poignant moments, I believe that is all any of us can hope for? In't?

Honeymoon Blues

2009-05-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

After much discussion, Arthur and I picked Morocco as our ideal honeymoon destination. I am sure you might be thinking, "huh. interesting." We chose it because a) neither one of us has ever been there b) it is not a typical honeymoon destination c) there is lots of history and culture d) there is lots to do e) there is still plenty of resort type areas for those days of relaxation.

Marrakesh

Agadir

So Arthur put in his passport application and I put in my renewal. I can almost hear the collective sigh of relief from those of you have seen my passport photo. Twenty-three year old me - uh, not so pretty. We then went on an adventure to Liberty Travel. Once there, we informed a bearded, burly and overly enthusiastic gentleman travel agent that we were thinking about Morocco, but we were open to other ideas. This, apparently, was a mistake. He had just come back from a trip to Argentina you see. He was singularly focused. Don't get me wrong, it looked and sounded amazing. However, we had said we were open to other places, not another place. Our conversation was akin to the World Cup - Argenina vs. Morocco. He would highlight some fabulous aspect of Argentina and then sort of mumble something about Morocco. His enthusiasm was significantly dampened, however, by the mention of our budget. One could practically feel the wind from the slamming of the South American brochure. "You are probably better off looking into Morocco if that's what you want to spend."

Needless to say we left there unsatisfied and with a brochure of Argentina. Arthur and I decided to stop by the travel section of Barnes and Noble to make ourselves feel better. There we found lots of interesting tidbits and renewed our determination. We looked on-line, but did not find anything that seemed like more than 30 person guided tour - not exactly romantic. Finally, I remembered to look up the company I used to travel through Egypt - Imaginative Traveller. They were great then with just the right amount of tour without overdoing it. It turns out that they actually have honeymoon trips to places like India, Kenya and ...gasp...Morocco! I have been in contact with one of their people and she has been very informative. Almost too informative. The bottom line is staggering - at least it is to me.

I guess it has been a while since I went on a full-fledged vacation. This is the only possible explanation as to why I am absolutely blown away by how much it may cost us to go on the honeymoon we want. Fundamentally, I understood that it would be a few grand, but I just didn't imagine that the honeymoon would cost nearly as much as the wedding.

It saddens me to think for practical reasons we may not be able to go on this trip. Logically, I understand that I am a big girl and should be able to get over it. Illogically, I just want us to be able to go on the honeymoon that we want. We don't even have Paris.

Interesting Wedding Traditions

2009-04-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

Found this in the "Weird and Wonderful" section of the BBC website. I thought it was a fun read, not to mention it is wedding related. Ah, I just mentioned it. I love the idea of the Hochzeitszeitung. Any of our friends and family interested in creating one for us? Anyone? The German tradition of the groom picking up the bride at her house on the way to the wedding seems much more romantic than the English tradition. I don't like the concept of being "given away" and this seems much more up my alley. I found out from my mother that my father REALLY wants to take on that father role. I still need to feel him out and see if that is true. This may be one of the areas to which I must succumb. Perhaps even more unfortunate is that we won't be walking from our Bavarian homes in our lederhosen and dirndl, romping through the beer garden on our way to the fest of beer, pretzels and sausage.

German Wedding Traditions

In most of the western world, weddings tend to follow the same pattern - white dress, tears of joy, endless speeches, first waltz for the newlyweds, and a big pile of gifts. However, marriage is one of mankind's oldest rituals, having evolved in many different places at once - and with very different customs. The differences were more pronounced before globalisation took hold, but still, each region has its own traditions, many holdovers from a time before Christianity, without which a wedding just wouldn't be a wedding. Even within Germany, they vary from place to place, and some may also be observed in neighbouring countries like Austria.

Die Hochzeitszeitung

To prevent a big drunken brawl between two clans going at one other's throats on the night of the wedding, a custom has been developed to introduce the two families to one another beforehand, and channel their energies into something more productive - poking fun at the bride and groom! The wedding newspaper, the Hochzeitszeitung, is a collaborative project by members of both families, usually the siblings and cousins, with humorous poems, anecdotes, riddles, mock interviews and ads, spiced up with the childhood pictures you don't want your parents showing everybody. The aim is not to embarrass the happy couple, more to gently tease them, and to give everyone an interesting souvenir to take home from the wedding.

Der Polterabend

'Poltern' is the loud noise made by something heavy falling down or being thrown about, and it's a good descriptor for this party, which is hosted at the bride's parents' house the evening before the wedding. Guests are not invited explicitly, but the date is casually mentioned and it's expected that everyone who wants to will turn up - neighbours, friends, and colleagues of the bride and groom, guests already in town for the wedding, or anybody else who wants to wish the couple well, including those not invited to the wedding itself. Food and drink are provided, usually in the form of a home-cooked buffet, possibly with contributions by various guests.

The highlight of the evening is the breaking of dishes and crockery on the pavement outside the house, with all guests bringing their old mugs, spare flowerpots, and hideous porcelain statuettes to smash - some will go so far as to sacrifice a toilet! The bride and groom then have to sweep up the shards together. This custom is older than Christianity, the noise serving to drive away demons. It's also often associated with the proverb "Scherben bringen Glück", now often misunderstood as "shards bring luck" - originally, a "Scherbe" meant any clay vessel, not just a shard, and having many (well-filled) clay pots symbolised wealth and plenty. Tins or other metal objects may also be dropped for the noise, but you must never smash glass - besides the danger of injuring someone, it is said to bring bad luck, doubly so if it's a mirror.

Attire is informal for this party, for the guests and especially for the happy couple. This isn't just because they're expected to do physical work, but because in parts of Germany, they'll have some of their clothes stolen at midnight. The groom's trousers are traditionally burned and the ashes buried with a bottle of schnaps, which is dug up and shared around a year later, while the bride's shoes are nailed to a wooden board.

Die Hochzeitsschuhe

Fortunately, the bride will have new shoes for her wedding. These are always paid for in cash, usually in coins. Traditionally, a girl was expected to save up her loose change starting at a very young age to pay for her wedding shoes. This tradition has mostly disappeared with the disappearance of the Pfennig, but even Euro cents are said to bring luck, and paying for the shoes in small coins, usually single cents, symbolises the bride's ability to be frugal, setting aside some of her spending money to buy nice things. It also annoys the banks, because more coins have to be minted, and the shopkeepers, who have to count all the coins - but shoe salesmen generally tend to be good sports about it.

Die Hochzeit

The marriage itself usually takes place in the morning - first in a civil service at the registry office, where just the closest family and friends are present, then the religious ceremony1 at the church. Unlike in an English wedding, the bride is not 'given away' by her father, but is picked up by the groom at her home, and both enter the church and walk to the altar together. The children strewing flower petals are another heathen tradition, meant to attract the fertility goddess with the scent of flowers when the bride and groom tread on them, as is the traditional floral wreath worn by the bride. Bouquets, on the other hand, are a relatively modern invention dating to the Renaissance, where they served to counteract the fug of bad hygiene and heavy incense in the church. For a first-time bride, they are traditionally made of myrtle.

Das Sägen

After the bride and groom leave the church2, they face their first challenge as a couple. Their way will be barred by a heavy log on two sawhorses, which they must saw through with a whipsaw. This requires their working together, as the saw only cuts when pulled in either direction. It symbolises the couple's ability to solve problems together, and is also very entertaining for the guests, as the newlyweds slave away in their best clothes with the oldest, rustiest saw their friends could find.

Der Autokorso

If you're driving through Germany and meet a long procession of cars all honking their horns, and there hasn't just been some kind of sports event they're celebrating, chances are you've run into a wedding - especially if they have white ribbons on their antennae. In some parts of Germany, the procession is stopped on the way, and a "toll" of hard liquor is demanded, to be drunk together with the bride and groom before they can go on their way. In Bavaria, the children of the village stop the bride and groom's car or carriage, and each guest pays a small amount of money to allow it to pass.

Der Hochzeitsschmaus

The marriage ceremony is usually held before noon, as marrying while the sun is still rising in the sky is considered lucky. Afterwards, all the guests are invited to the bride's parents' home, if it's large enough, or to a hotel or restaurant for the formal wedding luncheon. More guests may join in during the course of the day, for afternoon coffee and cake or for a more informal buffet in the evening, with a party to follow. Who's invited, what is served, and where the celebration is held is limited only by good taste and the budget - the bride's parents traditionally pay3 for the wedding, including accommodation for the guests invited to the actual wedding, be it in their house or at a nearby hotel. Here, quantity usually wins out over luxury - the point is to celebrate with as many people as you can, rather than provide a six-course meal for a mere handful. Children are not considered a nuisance, but are essential - besides bringing the couple good luck, they simply serve to make the party more fun, so if no close friends or relatives have children, more distant ones are also invited merely because they do.

Die Hochzeitssuppe

The first course of a proper wedding feast is a special soup, which harks back to the days when an ox was slaughtered for the wedding and boiled in the biggest pots available, making enough Brautsuppe to feed hundreds of guests - each of whom was expected to bring their own spoons and dishes, as was quite usual in the Middle Ages. A German Hochzeitssuppe consists of clear bouillon with meat, egg noodles, meatballs or marrow dumplings, Eierstich4, and green vegetables like peas or asparagus. A regional variant is Balkensuppe5, made of beef broth boiled with ginger, with small meatballs made of pork and beef flavoured with nutmeg, slices of beef, parsley, raisins, and rice.

Die Entführung der Braut

In some areas, the bride will be 'kidnapped' at some stage of the proceedings, usually during the reception. While one group of guests distracts the groom, another takes his wife to a nearby pub. Once he's noticed she's gone, he has to find her, and then get her back by paying the tab, at the very least, though some may impose additional fines such as his having to sing her a song or make her three promises. Variations include taking the bride to the place where the two first met or to a romantic location like a park. The groom's friends may help him with clues, either verbal or as written notes that he must find. It's important that the bride doesn't get bored - switching pubs from time to time is recommended - and that the couple doesn't stay gone too long so the main festivities won't come to an abrupt end. For especially dense bridegrooms, simply bringing her back after a prearranged period is probably the best course of action.

Der Hochzeitsschleier

Wedding dresses are a relatively new invention, not coming into widespread use until the 1920s. Before, a woman would marry in her Sunday best, usually a black dress or the traditional costume of her region. She would, however, wear a white veil to symbolise her purity. According to an ancient Germanic custom, which is still practiced today, the bride dances a dance alone at midnight, the Schleiertanz or veil dance, while all the unmarried women in attendance try to tear pieces off her veil, which will bring good luck and fertility. Whoever gets the largest piece of the veil will be the next to marry. This dance at midnight marks the bride's change from girl to married woman. The symbolism, in the days of virgin brides, was obvious, similar to that of stepping on a glass in a Jewish wedding.

Modern variants include blindfolding the bride with her own veil and having her try to catch the unmarried women, with the first one she catches being the next to marry, or having the couple perform another special dance to the amusement of all - dressed in nightgowns and nightcaps, perhaps, or with balloons stuffed up their clothes. After this dance, the newlyweds usually leave on their honeymoon - or retire to their hotel room - while the party goes on into the wee hours.

Hahn holen

In the Münster/Ems region of Germany, the festivities continue on the day after the wedding with a party for the guests who are still in town and the neighbours of the bride's parents. The male neighbours hang up a wreath of pine branches decorated with white paper flowers for the wedding, and this and other decorations are taken down during the party. Leftovers from the wedding feast are served, along with fresh soup - which is traditionally made from a cockerel that's been made drunk, then taken on a walk through the village with the newlyweds before it is slaughtered. For obvious reasons, this part of the custom is usually no longer practiced.

Treppe fegen oder Klinken putzen

Think you can escape all these traditions by simply not getting married? Think again! In parts of Germany, especially the northern ones, any man who turns 30 and is still a bachelor must sweep the steps of the town hall, church, or courthouse - or sometimes a bridge or the entire town square - until an unmarried woman frees him with a kiss. This tradition derives from the old belief that those who shirked their earthly duty to marry and have children would have to do the tedious chores in the afterlife.

An unmarried woman, on the other hand, must spend her thirtieth birthday polishing the door handles in her town or neighbourhood until an unmarried man kisses her. This symbolises polishing the handle of the convent door to beg for entry. In either case, the victim's friends very helpfully provide enough to clean, scattering sand or sawdust on the steps and providing an old, ragged broom, or smearing the door handles with toothpaste or shoe polish. Perhaps it is easier to just get married...

1 If any.
2 Or registry office, if there is to be no religious ceremony.
3 Now, the cost is often borne by the couple getting married, or split equally between the families.
4 A kind of savoury egg custard with nutmeg, which is poached and cut into cubes.
5 In this case, 'Balken' is a Low German diminutive of 'Ball' rather than a wooden beam!

A 19th Century Feminist Marriage

2009-04-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

I've been trudging through Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States. On my way to work this morning, I read a particularly striking passage about Lucy Stone, a 19th Century American woman who refused to accept anything less than what she felt acceptable. She lectured on women's rights and anti-slavery. She was often attacked for her political views. Nevertheless, and perhaps not without a bit of surprise, she married - a man whose ideology was akin to her own.

Zinn provided part of the "Marriage Protest." I found what I assume is the rest of it at about.com:

The following was signed by Lucy Stone and Henry Blackwell prior to their May 1, 1855 marriage. The Rev. Thomas Wentworth Higginson, who performed the marriage, not only read the statement at the ceremony, but also distributed it to other ministers as a model that he urged other couples to follow.

While acknowledging our mutual affection by publicly assuming the relationship of husband and wife, yet in justice to ourselves and a great principle, we deem it a duty to declare that this act on our part implies no sanction of, nor promise of voluntary obedience to such of the present laws of marriage, as refuse to recognize the wife as an independent, rational being, while they confer upon the husband an injurious and unnatural superiority, investing him with legal powers which no honorable man would exercise, and which no man should possess. We protest especially against the laws which give to the husband:

1. The custody of the wife's person.

2. The exclusive control and guardianship of their children.

3. The sole ownership of her personal, and use of her real estate, unless previously settled upon her, or placed in the hands of trustees, as in the case of minors, lunatics, and idiots.

4. The absolute right to the product of her industry.

5. Also against laws which give to the widower so much larger and more permanent interest in the property of his deceased wife, than they give to the widow in that of the deceased husband.

6. Finally, against the whole system by which "the legal existence of the wife is suspended during marriage," so that in most States, she neither has a legal part in the choice of her residence, nor can she make a will, nor sue or be sued in her own name, nor inherit property.

We believe that personal independence and equal human rights can never be forfeited, except for crime; that marriage should be an equal and permanent partnership, and so recognized by law; that until it is so recognized, married partners should provide against the radical injustice of present laws, by every means in their power...

Amazing, isn't? I find those spaces where the "oppressed" find their voice simply fascinating. Surrounded by like minded people, she did things as her conscience dictated. She even kept her name. There is now a group devoted to that choice, called the Lucy Stone League.

Over one hundred and fifty years later, I still have to explain myself when I tell people that I am not changing my name. I wonder what Lucy Stone would say about that.

Please Don't Stop the Music

2009-04-21T18:05:00.001-07:00

Music. One of the essentials of a good party. I remember when I lived with my former roommate and we would compile the list of itunes to make sure that we had the perfect ambiance. For example, we might start with sort of chill Rat Pack diddies or a little Bossa Nova. This allows for nice background music as one is still sober enough to have real conversation. Later on, we might usurp said conversationally appropriate melodies for the latest top 40 hits a la Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears and Rihanna. This would be followed with one or two of our newest danceable discoveries such as Queen's "Free" or Bowie's "Golden Years." Ah, and the 80's music. I almost forgot the 80's music. That would have been blasphemy! The point is fun - sheer, drunken, dancing fun. Prior to the contributions of the invention gods at Apple, we would pick out the CD's that we wanted to play on our stereos and guests would often take over the dj'ing at will. It would all ultimately end in a Andrea vs. Samia room battle of the dancing.
And we had the BEST times.

Now, Arthur and I are on the hunt for someone to DJ the ultimate party. My groom-to-be has contacted many of the local DJ companies and they have given us price quotes and packages (free sunray light anyone? Wait. Anyone know what a sunray light is?). Ok. Great. How do we decide? How do we know without actually going to an event that the DJ is working, whether or not these people will be any good? I can read testimonials 'til I'm blue in the face. I'm pretty sure none of these companies are going to showcase the negative reviews, which talk about how nobody danced or how attendees left early.

When Arthur first mentioned the ipod idea, I'll admit that I was against it. I thought it might seem cheesy. The more I think about it, though, the more I like the idea. I like that we can painstakingly pick out the songs that we want to be heard and enjoyed and danced to without fear of rebellion by DJ I Know What is Best or DJ That Music Should Never Be Played. We have found only one DJ company that will rent equipment and take care of the ipod at a reasonable price. Unfortunately, that DJ is New Jersey based. This leads me to wonder, why is that industry so behind the times? And why must we pay a month's rent for someone to play their itunes?

Should We Have Just Eloped?

2009-04-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel that we made the wrong decision to go forward with a somewhat full blown wedding. When we first spoke of getting married, we discussed just going to city hall to get married. We thought, let's keep it simple and then have a great party after the deed. Yet, as we began making plans, it seemed less and less plausible to have a party in which we invite all those that we wanted to invite without renting a space for the event and all that comes with it. So we went ahead and found a venue we both felt comfortable with and ultimately we were/are happy with our decision. Yet there are times when I feel that it is a mistake. It isn't a mistake for Arthur and I to get married. And it isn't a mistake for us to wish to share with those we love this symbolic ceremony of our commitment to one another and to our future. But was it a mistake to try to throw a big ole wedding? We have tried out best to keep the costs down. While we will have no florist, no limos, no crazy wedding halls, no ornate decorations, it still adds up to a sum that leaves me slightly dizzy and with a nagging feeling of fear. Should we have just tied the knot A la Sex and the City, saving what money we have (damn you Lehman Brothers) to put towards our future? Probably.

And we probably shouldn't have hired a wedding planner from Platinum Weddings. Oh, well...

Coming Soon to a Wedding Near You...

2009-04-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Arthur and I actually did a really good job of getting certain things crossed off our list last month. We finalized hotel accommodations (I still can't get over how few hotels there are in/near Stony Brook), registered, finished our wedding website at idofoundation.org gathered addresses, ordered Save-The-Dates, sent most of them out (admittedly, some of them were returned to us and/or never made it for some weird reason and some of them have yet to be sent), and worked on the centerpieces. We did all of this from the end of February to the end of March. Not bad for a couple of slackers!

Now, we (take that as the royal form of the pronoun because we all know it was Andrea) have set the following tasks to be completed by the middle of May.

1) Pick out wedding invitations (Arthur suggested pigeons, but anyone who knows Andrea knows that won't fly (forgive the pun))
2) Find a DJ/Figure out if the IPOD is the way to go (ARTHUR!)
3) Figure out welcome/rehearsal dinner situation (I don't think there will actually be a rehearsal)
4) Find out about contributions from the Carlson side of the family (ARTHUR!)
5) Get our passport situations sorted (mine has expired and Arthur needs one)
6) Visit a travel agent (fun!)

Wish us luck. Arthur may need some extra wishes.

Wedding Center Piece Violence

2009-04-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

We are attempting to DIY our table centerpieces. My original vision for the centerpieces were hurricane lamps somehow surrounded by pumpkins, leaves, and other October goodies. Continuing with the whole autumnal, Eastern Long Island, Harvest theme, we are going with oranges, greens and dark reds. My mother found these fantastic and cheap miniature pumpkins at Target. Then we went out and bought different styles of glass hurricane lamps from Michael's and AC Moore. I handed over the task of making prototypes to my mother. When I went home last weekend, she had come up with some wonderful models. Upon looking at them, we unanimously decided upon one in particular (at least we are going to try to stay in that vein). However, when Arthur and I came home from My grandfather's birthday dinner that evening, one of the prototypes had exploded.

At first, we thought that the cat had knocked it over, but as the stand had not moved, nor had the other centerpieces budged one iota. It was like it was angry that we hadn't chosen it. Perhaps we'll surprise all of our wedding guests with exploding centerpieces? I wonder if the Three Village Inn has a policy about that?

Read a brief blog post today on mingling feminism and matrimony. Check it out.

This One is For You, Kid

2009-04-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

A quick shout out to Z__. I know you were concerned that you would somehow make it into the blog on a negative note, but how would that be possible? Your wedding was great! Not only was it obviously meaningful for the two of you, but it felt relaxed and real. The food was great. I think I went back for fourths! You looked beautiful and happy, your groom was obviously over the moon. This particular guest, who did not know that many people and had not even met you before the evening prior, had a truly wonderful time. It is what a wedding should be - an intoxicating celebration of love, commitment, family and friends.

Oh. And I'm sorry about the stage at the Cat's Meow. ;)

6 Months and Counting...

2009-04-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone said it would be here before we know it, and boy oh boy, the last six months have indeed flown by!

So what wedding news/weird thoughts/better late than never insights have is there to report? Read on!

First, as previously reported, my dress is in. Mom, Judy (my aunt) and Sarah (my 8 year old cousin and flower girl) trekked on the LIRR with me last Tuesday to RK bridal. It seemed like a rather silly task to me at first. I was just going in to say, "yup. That's it. That's the dress I ordered." It WAS nice to try it on again. Instead of it being some floor model, it is mine. I still love it. It is still simple, elegant, well-fitting (except for about 5 inches to hem and maybe some cups to put in...shhhh...it's all me, baby) and appropriate for me. I had to say good-bye to it, though. I probably won't see it again for four months. Ta ta for now, beautiful dress. I need to decide by August if I want to add some color to the dress with a ribbon (sage perhaps). Lately, though, I'm thinking that I will just put colorful flowers in my hair and get a colorful necklace. Maybe something like these:

If anyone has any ideas, be sure to let me know!

Besides that my mom tried on some dresses (we really think chocolate brown might be HER color). Sarah tried on some adorable dresses, as well.

Speaking of wedding party dresses, I feel in a bit of a dilemma. I thought I was being super cool with telling my two best ladies, special wedding friends and my flower girl (there's got to be a better name for that role, no?) that they could wear whatever they wanted. My aunt is concerned that Sarah's dress will clash with the dresses of the best ladies. I don't feel like that will happen. There will only be three of them standing up there and the more color the better. Ultimately, the dresses should be what each person participating wants to wear. I asked one of my best ladies if she WANTED me to give her a color. She didn't seem to mind either way. If they do all wear the same color (because they want to), then I feel that the men should at least have matching ties (not necessarily the same color as the women's dresses), but there should be some sort of cool contrast at least.

A special women's meeting (or at least telephone survey) must be called so that we may lay this issue to rest.

I fear that this may make me look indecisive (and anyone who knows me knows that this is very often the case), but I HAD decided that I did not want a uniform, cookie-cutter looking bridal party sporting duds that they hate, spend a lot of money on and/or will never wear again.

I am decisively against the wedding machine! Unless, of course, my best ladies want to be uniform. . .

Catering Coordinator or Defense Agaist the Dark Arts Professor?

2009-03-16T08:47:00.001-07:00

Last week I got a call from the Catering Coordinator at the Three Village Inn, following up on a detail or the wedding. I don't call her back straight away, but instead decide to e-mail the Catering and Sales Manager (the guy we met with back in February) to follow up on some other stuff. When Karen (the coordinator) calls me back, she tells me that John (the manager) is no longer with the Three Village Inn. What the freak-a-zoids is going on here? She said that he quit because the commute was worse than he thought it was going to be, especially as a single father. John, you really should of thought about that before you charmed your way into our hearts! So like most people in a room of the parties that Arthur and I attend, the two people we trusted to do our wedding right have vacated the premises.

It is a little frustrating, but ultimately, I think everything will be fine. Karen will now run the show and she seems perfectly capable.

In other wedding news. . . my dress is in! Yeah! Made an appointment to view it in a couple of Tuesdays from now. Problem with that is, that none of my friends can really go with me. Seems somewhat sad to go and put your dress back on by yourself. I'm going to attempt to drag my mother from the 'burbs to check it out.

Andrea's Eleven Questions for the Producers of The Bachelor

2009-03-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

1) Am I the only one who no longer finds Jason's son cute?
2) Why did DeAnna have to fly to New Zealand for what appeared to be a 15 minute convo?
3) Why were they in New Zealand again?
4) How many times did Jason cry during the 3 hour Bachelor marathon we just witnessed?
5) How insensitive (aka shitty) was it of Jason to break up with Melissa on TV?
6) Did everyone cheer when Melissa called him a bastard?
7) Why did Molly not react the way I wanted her to - by telling Jason to go @#$% himself?
8) Will Jason break up with Molly in after the after the final rose?
9) Why is it that every audience favorite bachelor taken from The Bachelorette who makes a re-appearance "to find love" ends up looking like a pig?
10) Will Molly get a rose now?
11) Was that a connived series of events to manufacture the most dramatic Bachelor ever? (the last five words are said in Chris Hansen voice)

Non-Green Save the Dates

2009-02-23T08:05:00.000-08:00

So a big trend lately seems to be to send out e-mail save the dates with the wedding website attached for your travel plans and convenience. We didn't go with the trend. Fight the power! Seriously, we aren't going over the top with paper, but we wanted to do something a little different with our save the dates. I'm happy with what we've ordered and they should arrive in about a week or so. AND they were so inexpensive. We designed them at 123print. In any event, I think that for our actual invitations, we'll go with Etsy or Carlson Craft that gives a percentage back to charity (and also it is has Arthur's last name), but these will do for now. Actually, I am pretty psyched about them.

And now, the tough part - finalizing the guest list. We know who we definitely want to invite. So don't worry A list people. You know who you are! I think the most difficult thing going on in my brain at the moment is inviting people from work - past and present. A year ago, there were tons of colleagues I would have probably invited from my job. Presently, they are ex-colleagues. So I think back and wonder whether or not I should invite them because at one point we did have a good relationship. Then there is the current job. I've only been there for a little over 7 months and it is a little different because we have a "team." The question is do I invite the whole team? All of this adds up and can spiral out of control. When you start adding all these little pockets of people from various times in your life, suddenly your medium sized wedding of 120 people turns into a guest list of over 170. Ack! Ideally, I would invite everyone, but let's face it. We have math to do with dollar signs attached.

I have talked with a few people about this dilemma and most give very sound advice, all centering the idea that we should invite those people with whom we will continue to have relationships for years to come. The problem is two-fold. One, how do we really know who we will continue to be friends with (there are many people that I could have sworn I would keep in touch with over the years and on the flip side there are some people that I have managed to keep in touch with that have surprised me)? Two, I have a nice, well-developed sense of guilt that permeates nearly all of these types of decisions. The idea that we may offend someone or hurt someone's feelings is bothersome. I mean I didn't even want to tell the venues on our short-list that we decided to go with someplace else. I wonder if they feel rejected. Do you think they hate us now???

Devastated About Jillian

2009-02-18T17:53:00.000-08:00

I can't believe he let her go. I can't even write about it. I'm too upset. Actually, I forgot to to DVR the thing. Anyway, Jillian is a cool woman. She'll be just fine. It irks me that this 30 something single dad has chosen for his two finalists 25 year old women. Age is just a number. Blah. Blah. Blah. They seem like nice women, but I'm still annoyed.

The Five Worst DJs or Please Don't Play That Funky Music.

2009-02-17T14:20:00.000-08:00

So, I am out and about trying to find that perfect wedding DJ. I don't have many ideas of what I am looking for, but I know without a shadow of a doubt what I don't want. Thus, I give you the five worst DJ's that could do our wedding:

DJ Slow Jamz - Um, one, I don't like slow jams. Two, I don't like people who replace an s with the letter z. This goes for DJ Mad Skillz, DJ Zomething Zmoking, and DJ Natural Zelection

DJ Nothin' But Chicken Dance - The very thing I don't want at my wedding. Also, goes for DJ Let's Macarena All Night, and DJ Electric Slide 4 You

DJ Is That Mole Cancerouz - I don't know how I feel about this one. First, there's that stupid s to z thing again. But then Is is spelled Is and not Iz, so there is a lack of consistency. Oh, and the cancer thing. Could be awkward.

DJ Not a Cheesy Wedding DJ - I'm thinking the name is ironic and he (or she) actually is (or iz). Also goes for DJ Rock, DJ I Rock, and DJ I Rock and I'm Not a Cheesy Wedding DJ.

DJ QTZSA - Not a big fan of DJ's who derive their name from a bad scrabble rack.

So, there you go. If you know of a DJ and they don't fall into this category, then please let us know.

A Bachelor Quickie

2009-02-11T17:56:00.001-08:00

The Bachelor, Season 14, Episode 7?

I find my enthusiasm for watching and writing about The Bachelor declining, but I don't want to disappoint Anonymous. Suck it, anonymous! This is going to be a quickie none-the-less.

Monday night's episode showcased the four at home dates. In layman's terms for all you non-Bachelor experts, this means that Jason travels to the homes of the four final bachelorettes to meet the families and have alone dates.

Jillian - Alberta, lake, cold, very chatty, winery, fireside confessions of depression, tears, Canadian flags, aboot (as opposed to about), mom reading poetry, making out.

Molly - Michigan, golf course, bad pleated pants, Molly will never date a man her parents don't approve of, funny hats, Mom makes Jason draw a picture, peck out by SUV.

Naomi - California, strange family, hoola hoops, funerals for dead pigeons, reincarnation, Jesus, don't remember if there was kissing.

Melissa - Texas, wine and cheese outside, short shorts, family won't meet Jason, best friends, poor Melissa and her bad past relationships, playing pool, sitting on bed, can't remember if there was kissing.

In the end, Naomi did not get a rose. Jason just doesn't feel that she is ready to settle down and have a family. I don't know why he would think that...I thought all 24 year old flight attendants should want to get married and have an instant family. Naomi told him she would rather he told her that he had more feelings for the other girls than tell her that she's not ready for his lifestyle. Admittedly, Jason took the easy way out. We've all been there. Nobody really wants to say (or hear), actually it isn't me...it is you!

Girl bonding moment: After she was kicked off, Naomi told each of the other three women that she loved them.

It's funny. There does not seem to be a "bad girl" at the end of this Bachelor. The women all seem to really like each other (Now that Megan is gone) and the producers have not edited anything to make us hate one of the women.

I am rooting for Jillian because I feel that 24 and 25 is too young to settle down to an instant family with a 32 year old man and his son. Of course, to each their own, right?

A Sigh of Relief and a Renewed Sense of Weddingness

2009-02-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

Arthur and I took a little jaunt out to LI this weekend to meet with the new catering and sales manager at the Three Village Inn. We went at the request of John for a sort of let's get to know each other meeting. We sat down in the waiting room, by fireside and one of the staff brought me warm apple cider (I LOVE apple cider). As we waited, I picked up one of the wedding albums lying around. Arthur immediately warned me, "Don't do that. We already made our decision on the photographer. We don't want to look at anything and have regrets." I looked anyway. It turned out his fears were completely unfounded because the cheesiness of the photographs and the ill used Lord Byron poem, "She Walks in Beauty" left me with no sense of regret, but only a smug look on my face.

Soon John came in and introduced himself. When we indicated that we would love to hear about his background, he gave us the run down. He has worked his way up through various catering facilities in Long Island and seems excited about his new position. It seems that The Three Village Inn wants to take weddings to the "next level." I don't know what that means, but it makes me wonder whether or not Chrissy's departure was of her own volition. In any event, it was a fun meeting, he asked a lot of questions that we don't as of yet have any answers to. Are we doing a first dance? Arthur wants to and I don't. Are we having pictures of ourselves around the cocktail hour space? Ummm...won't everyone know whose wedding they are coming to? Are we using our own cake knife and server? Only if someone buys us a set. Seriously, can't we just use theirs? And so on. It is all the little details that we need to think about so I'm glad we got the ball rolling.

We ALSO got to look at pictures of cakes! Yeah. I love cake. Arthur loves cake. Their photo album of cakes were, unfortunately, a little outdated and looked somewhat garish. Picture this sort of thing, if you will. No. Thank you. For some reason, though, we still wanted to eat cake.

Arthur and I liked one that looked like this: However, we agree that we want a square one. Their outdated cake album held no images of square cakes, but Karen, the hotel manager, assured us that it can be done. We would like to do an angled thing, maybe something like this without all the frills:

We took another walk through of the establishment and talked about logistics, table placement, food placement, and most importantly the bar's placement. There needs to be clear access to the alcohol! After all of this, Karen walked us around the property a bit and we got a look at the accommodations. Some rooms have fireplaces, while others have a view of the bay. They are incredibly quaint and pretty. Yet one room had a leftover, unopened box of godiva chocolate. I don't care how good the sex is. You eat the chocolate! Finally, we got to see the honeymoon suite...wooooooooo. I have to say it was slightly unnerving to see the bottles of opened champagne and unmade beds in the rooms (we were there pretty early). Insert Marcy Playground song here. Icky.

Our visit was so much better than I expected. It completely reaffirmed why we chose this particular venue. Granted, Sunday was a balmy 50 or so degrees, but even in the dead of winter the Inn and the surrounding area are lovely. I left feeling happy and satisfied that we had made the right choice. My wedding juices have been re-energized.

Sleepless in Seattle

2009-02-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 5

"You got to kick the tire before you by the car, man." - Bender of the Jackie and Bender show.

So the episode begins with a full four minutes of re-capping what has happened in the last four episodes. A perfect time to finish chores around the house - maybe make yourself a snack.

When we finally start the episode, we find out from our lovely host, Chris, that all five of the final bachelorettes will be going to Seattle. Jason tells us that maybe one of the women is right for him and not right for him and Ty so he NEEDS them to go to his home town.

The first date will be a one-on-one date for Melissa. Naomi is peeved because she has never had a one-on-one and she is due for one. As Melissa is putting on her make up in a dress with a snake on it, we get to see Jason taking off his shirt as he is hanging out with Ty. Ty then proceeds to throw a temper tantrum (Jason, you are on the same network as the Supernanny, maybe Jo Jo can hook you up). He calls up Melissa to ask if it is ok if they have a low key evening at his place. The other ladies are NOT happy about it. In fact, up until now cool Jillian says she's at an emotional low.

Jason comments on the fact that Melissa did not change her. She's no fool! She needed you to see her all dressed up in t hat snake dress. When she does change out of her serpentine frock, it is into some short "we wear short shorts" shorts. They peek at Ty. They kiss.

The next date is for Stephanie, Molly and Jillian. They visit the Sleepless in Seattle House. They take a boat ride. Then they go on the Jackie and Bender Radio show, where Jason is asked the tough questions like: "Which was the best date?" Stephanie. "Who is the best kisser?" Molly. The women are left outside the tape room to read lips and wonder. Meanwhile, Melissa and Naomi listen at home, cringing. Stephanie, Molly and Jillian are then brought in the tape room. Jason is blind-folded and has to identify the kiss of each woman. Lo and behold! He is nails (no pun intended) each one. They are all so different and so are their kisses. Gag. As the ladies answer the questions of the host, my discomfort with Stephanie solidifies. They are asked how they are in the bedroom and she replies in her soft, hushed voice, "when I am with a man, I like to make sure he is completely taken care of." Uh. Ok. They all go to dinner afterward. I thought it was cute that Molly and Jillian were holding hands as they enter the dining area. Jason and Jillian had what seemed like a genuine conversation. Kissing. Molly and Jason go for a walk. Kissing.

For Naomi's date they take a seaplane over Seattle, followed by rock climbing. They actually look like they were having a fun time. During their qt, we find that Naomi has some skeletons in her closet. Dum. Dum. Dum.

Later on, Jason can't sleep (get it?). He spontaneously pops by the home of the bachelorettes because he NEEDS to talk to Jillian. They go to a cafe for a private talk where he asks her if she is developing the same feelings for him as he is for her. Of course she is. It seems that because she is the only one who has not broken down in front of him, he needs affirmation. Why should a woman be strong???? They kiss.

Finally, Chris and Jason have a serious talk (an other way for the Bachelor to take up more time) for what seemed like an eternity.

At the rose Ceremony, Jason pulls Naomi aside to make sure she is ready for a real relationship, scaring the other women.

The roses are called in this order:
Jillian
Melissa
Molly
Naomi

Stephanie is sent home as Jason chokes up. All the women begin crying. Jason later tells Stephanie that he wanted it to be there, but it wasn't. It was the most difficult thing he's had to do so far.

She goes home graciously and says in the limo, "one day I'm going to heaven and seeing Steven again."

The Most Awkward Bachelor Yet

2009-02-02T11:16:00.001-08:00

Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 4
"I am going to give my puppy french kisses." Shannon, Bachelorette

How do I even start with this one? Wow. Deep breath. Here goes.

The episode begins with Chris telling the women that there is a one-on-one date, a group date and a two-on-one date. Now, nobody wants the two on one date because it means that one of the two will be sent home.

As if the whole process was not humiliating enough, the women must perform a song for Jason in order to "earn" the one on one date. Nikki immediately starts to break down. She hates singing. She would rather have a tarantula crawl up her arm.

She sucks it up, though and they all perform. There is not a singer in the bunch until Lauren who writes a real song (and she knew it, making me want her to lose for all those women who struggle through karaoke parties with other women who can actually sing).

Anyway, Molly wins and all the women are, of course, seething with envy. The one-on-one date turns out to be a stay at home date. Ummm....hi....I'm on the bachelor...ABC is paying...can't we get in a helicopter or have a private concert or dress me in diamonds? Molly is content and even happy about it. Way to be a team player, Molly. During the date, she proceeds to become incredibly pink-faced from the wine. Jason states, "I need to make sure it is not just her eyes that I'm attracted to." I get it, Jason. Nice justification. They spend the night together in a tent and we are left with uncomfortable moaning sounds as they go to commercial. Stalkerish Shannon decides she will wait up until Molly gets back and as Jason drops Molly off the next morning, he says, "thanks for coming." Sorry. I couldn't help it. Molly is still wearing Jason's clothes, letting the other women know she did not get much sleep.

The group date is going to General Hospital and acting in various scenes. Right off the bat, they ask for volunteer to kiss Jason. Shannon rushes up and grabs him. The women dress up in various costumes. They play doctors, divas, maids, etc. All in all, it was really just a vehicle for Jason to make out with everyone. I am surprised he didn't make out with Tony Geary or Maurice Bernard.

After the day time "acting," there is a "wrap party" at night. It is awful and awkward. All the women are emotional and most of them cry when talking to him. Lauren tells him that he NEEDS to give her a rose or she'll be pissed. Melissa is in tears, but it seems to be a turn on for him. Shannon realizes for the first time that she has developed feelings for him...What about all the stalking? She tells him that he can't let her go and that she's "not letting [him] let [her] go." She tells him that her her "heart" is on her "shoulder" (it is sleeve, btw). She goes to kiss him and he allows her a peck and nothing more. Maybe his lips are sore? Ultimately, he gives the rose to 24 year old flight attendant, Naomi, and says, "thank you for being you." I'm not sure why she got it, but she did and it made the other women upset. Again.

Stephanie and Nikki go on the two-on-one date. Nikki is very not happy about the whole thing, while Stephanie says she is excited. Before their date, designer gowns arrive for them. When they come downstairs, one of the women says, "Jason is so lucky." I thought that was sweet. They take a silver Rolls Royce to a lighted outdoor restaurant with a fountain.

A dance instructor is on premises to teach them the "most romantic dance of all, "the waltz." And all this time, I thought it was the lambada.

Again, Nikki feels out of her element. She is not a very good dancer, she says, but she goes for it because she will not allow Stephanie to overshadow her. (Wait a minute, is this the plot line for Lambada: The Forbidden Dance?

The next scene is an awkward series of each woman cutting in on the other one. Back and forth. At one point, Nikki, whom I really did like at first, says, "Stephanie has had her chance. She already had a man." He's dead, Nikki. He's dead. During dinner, he takes each one of the women aside to talk to them individually, leaving the other one at the table. All I kept thinking is....this would be the moment that I'd be pigging out! Anyway, he ultimately gives Stephanie the rose. The women meet eyes across the table in a poignant moment. Then Nikki leaves VERY graciously. In the limo, however, I can't help but feel that Nikki needs to learn to love herself more as she says things like, "I don't know what else I could be," it is the "good enough factor," and "that is why I try to be perfect, but I still get rejected." During the end of Stephanie and Jason's date, they finally kiss as they finish their dance.

During the evening of the rose ceremony we hear, once again, how difficult the night before was for Jason. He talks to some of the women privately. He kisses Jillian. He kisses Melissa. He dances with Megan. Lauren gives him a lot of crap about not giving her the rose the night before. Then they kiss for the first time. It was all very weird and I got the heeby jeebies from watching it.

Stephanie, Molly and Naomi are safe. There are only three roses to give out. The first one goes to Melissa. The second one goes to Jillian. Then he picks up the last one and gives a big sigh. He pauses and then puts down the rose. He says that he can't give out the final rose. He doesn't want to lead anyone on because he can't see forever with any of them.

I thought for sure that Shannon would be devastated, but she actually looked relieved and could not wait to go home and use her electric toothbrush and kiss her puppy (french kiss). Lauren was a bit upset, but nothing over the edge. Megan was the most upset about being rejected.

I can't believe it is on again tonight. That was exhausting.

Oh, Chrissy! How could you have forsaken us?

2009-01-30T19:17:00.000-08:00

Wedding news!

I had a voice mail message today from John (or Frank or something else...I want it to be one of those, but I don't actually remember the name) at the Three Village Inn. The message said that Chrissy, our catering manager and one of the reasons we booked that particular venue, has "moved on." He rang to introduce himself and set up a meeting. It was a very nice, thoughtful phone call.

And yet....How could she? Was it something we said? I told Arthur not to make the midget joke. They are called little people, Mr. politically incorrect. Why do I feel betrayed by Chrissy? It is like dating someone for six months only to find out by their best friend during 6th period lunch that they are with someone else! Did our time together mean nothing to her? I feel used. Cheap and used. And a little dirty.

Think we might be able to swing a discount?

P.S.
Sorry the Bachelor re-cap is so slow in coming. Never fear. I have not succumbed to the taunts of Anonymous. Suck it, anonymous. I just haven't gotten to watch it all the way through yet!

You oughta be in pictures

2009-01-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

So today begins our meetings with photographers. It is a duty to which I have not necessarily been looking forward. I know how much these things can cost and I also know how we have the negative of that cost. I think too that this is the first thing that we have to seriously consider that feels like it falls into the typical wedding category. I ranted against being typical when it came to our wedding and so far, though, I think we are both happy with our choices and we are by no means going over the top, we have succumbed to some aspects of it. (I am wearing a white-ish dress!) While part of me wants to just let people go to town taking pictures and hope that we can group together some coherent album of the event, the other part of me knows how disappointing those pictures can be when you actually look at them the next day. We are going to want to have a few quality photos later on and we are going to want to have someone do that for us.

That having been said, I have found some reasonable "packages" on-line and so now the quest begins. At the beginning of the week, I had planned it to be a whole intensive weekend of meetings both in Long Island and in NYC. Since I know myself pretty well at the age of 33, I recognize that I have this medium-level compulsive behavior when it comes to any sort of personal planning. Yet, I think I act this way for a reason. I understand how busy both Arthur and I tend to be and I want to make sure that we get as much in as possible. Plus, I don't want to have to schlep back and forth to Long Island fifty million times if it can be avoided. However, after realizing that we do have some time, that I had a very full day on Saturday, that Arthur had a weekend project to take care of and after two nights of work related drinking, we decided to just do the city meetings today and to postpone the island ones for a weekend when we aren't so crazy. That was quite the relief and, knowing we didn't have to catch the LIRR in the morning, led to heavier drinking than was anticipated on Saturday night.

In any event, today we meet with:

Shira and Hannah from Bella Pictures.

I expect that these will be two totally different meetings. Shira is an independent photographer working only for herself. I found her at Indiebridie.com. Hannah is a consultant from Bella pictures who will create a package for us and match us up with a photographer based on our needs and personalities. If that's the case, she or he will do it for free, will know instinctively who to target in the photographs and won't take any pictures like this:

Response to Anonymous

2009-01-20T17:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Anonymous,

This website is exclusively about whatever Arthur and I choose to write about. I'm sorry if you are offended by my musings on The Bachelor. It amuses me and so I will continue to do so in between my rants, raves, laughs, observations and epiphanies about the days leading up to our wedding. Don't read them if it bothers you so very much. Unsubscribe if you must. Or don't. Read a little, maybe you'll end up being The Bachelor's biggest fan!

Being Pretty and Being Smart Is Not Enough

2009-01-19T19:11:00.000-08:00

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 3

"Did you just look at my boobs?" Erica, bachelorette

This was a much more watchable episode. It seemed to be that there was a lot more action and a lot less filler. Admittedly, that could just be my latent penchant for drama, but here we go.

The episode begins with the women hanging out on the couch in their P.J.'s. Chris Hansen, our beloved host, comes in to explain what the week will hold for them. There will be 2 one-on-one dates (the women chosen for this sort of date will have to have their bags packed) and one group date. Megan is quick to point out that she wants a one-on-one date because "I didn't come all this way and leave my son to hang out with a bunch of girls."

Stephanie (the one with drawn-in eyebrows and a 4 year old daughter) is chosen for the first one-on-one date. They stroll along the beach and out of nowhere a child appears - lo and behold! It is Sophia, Stephanie's daughter. Stephanie was overcome because "Jason brought Sophia to [her]." Ummm....She does know that she's on the Bachelor, right? It probably wasn't even his idea. The rest of the date was a sugar coated love fest - first on the beach and then at Legoland (I'd imagine that ABC/Disney owns that place or at least is a major shareholder). During lunch, Stephanie, whom despite her lack of eyebrows has endeared herself to me thus far, says the following, "I want a man that I can take of and help make his life easier when he comes through the door." Arrgh. That hit me where it hurts. She redeemed herself somewhat when she said that's just how her parents were to each other. In a rather sweet moment, she kisses his arm as he lights the candles on Sophia's birthday cake. In the end, Jason gives Stephanie a Lego rose.

I can't help but feeling, however, that she will be one of the next to go. She seems way too into the idea of creating a new family to fill the hole left by her husband's untimely death. Their connection, at this point, seems mostly based upon their children and I have dated enough men to know that sweet does not equal keep. Am I right? If you like it, put a ring on it. Don't give it a lego rose.

So the next date is a group date. Jason lets us know that while yesterday was all about family, today is all about boobs...I mean sexy. The date includes Shannon, Naomi, Jillian, Kari, Nikki, Erica, Megan and Melissa. They go to an art studio of an organization called Keep Abreast. (They could not MADE up a more perfect charity for Jason!) They make busts of your torso and paint them and sell them to benefit breast cancer patients.

There are some suggestive shots of the women getting their busts made and Jason gets to lay one on Shannon who was over the moon about it.

As Jason struts around without his shirt on, the women design and paint their pieces.

My favorite moment of this date was when Megan contemplates what the loss of breasts mean. She asks if you can breast feed once you have a mastectomy and contemplates what that means for the human race. She wants to paint a fetus on the bust because the fetus feeds from the breast...uh...no they don't. She states that people, "don't understand half of her depth," (I beg to differ) and realizes that "we're screwed" if women can't breastfeed. Huh.

Later that night, the women and Jason...can you guess? Come on...three guesses...drink more alcohol! You got it in one! Good for you! He has several conversations that can be summed up as follows: Melissa had breast reduction surgery to which Jason responds "can you imagine what the bust would have looked like if you hadn't?" Megan to Jason that she lives her life to serve other people. "The past few weeks when I haven't had someone thank me, appreciate me or praise god that I'm in their life has been driving me crazy." She really understands the meaning of selfish good works. She really does. Then there was an awkward convo with Nikki when there was silence because she ran out of things to say. Jillian and Jason jumped up and down on a bed and then proceeded to have conversation that Jason says is "easy." Jillian ends up getting the rose (yeah! She's one of my favorites). Jason describes this group date as being filled with passion and fun. I think he forgot to say "and breasts" because I know he was thinking it.

The next one-on-one date is Natalie's. When Jason arrives, she keeps him waiting for a while as continues to get ready. This is a no-no, according to Melissa. When she comes downstairs, he surprises her with over a million dollars worth of jewels. He tells her later on that his favorite moment of the date was watching her face when she saw the diamonds. I think that should tell you something. Anyway, in the confessional, we get Shannon waxing psychological about how Jason wants a woman who is more grounded and secure...this is pretty amusing to me considering that she is somewhat like stalker lady and because of what happens during the rest of the show. I digress.

Jason and Natalie drink champagne in the limo to the jet to Las Vegas to the helicopter tour of Sin City. I can't help but be off put by her uber tan. She also cannot stop playing with her hair. Girlfriend, come on. In any event, I feel like it is obvious that she is not someone he is going to end up with, especially when he asks her, "I know you like fashion, shopping and shoes, but what else do you like?" Her response? "I love bears."

As they slurp down oysters on the half shell (again? Jason...is there something we should garner from this?), he says over and over how he is attracted to her, but hopes there is more. They go to Jet nightclub and have a private concert by Kate Vogel. (Who?) Natalie wants him to kiss her, but he doesn't. That's when he knew that he just didn't feel more (because let's be honest, he kisses everyone). He picks up the rose, but then tells her he can't give it to her. Bad form, Jason. Cut to the mansion. When the man comes to pick up Natalie's bags, the women go running and screaming. Ugh. Why all the running and the screaming?

Natalie is angry, though. She calls him out about picking up the rose and tells him that there are a lot of women in the house that are bad people. The jewels are taken away and she tells him she is done and gets in the limo. There, she asks, "who does he think he is? God?" Then a very obvious "Fuck you, asshole" is bleeped out. Good for you, Natalie. Good for you.

The women are not upset that Natalie does not come back. The majority of them feel that if he could choose her then, he's not for them. During the rose ceremony night, Jason is slightly obsessed with Natalie's departing comment about the bad people in the house. He asks Naomi about it and to her credit, she does not mention anyone and changes the subject. Then they make out. Nikki, who is afraid she is coming off as too high strung and wearing another boob-a-licious dress, decides she is going to show him her fun side. She then proceeds to tell him that she labels everything and the toothbrush needs to be next to the mouthwash, but it's not crazy. Nope. Not crazy at all. Of course, I'm no doctor, but I kind of feel that people who are crazy don't ever say that they are crazy. She goes to kiss his cheek and he grabs her face and kisses her fo rizzle. Guess he likes the crazy or label makers turn him on. One or the other.

When talking to Erica, Jason stares directly at her breasts only meaning, he claims later, to look at the "color of her dress." She asks him, "did you just look at my boobs?" He doesn't deny it, but only says, "at least we can laugh about it." He talks to Lauren and tells her that Natalie was mad, probing her for information. Lauren tattles on Erica and Megan and calls them drama queens. The editors want to make it look like Megan overheard everything, but she never directly confronts Lauren so I don't think she did.

Before the rose ceremony, Chris Hansen, generously and without any intent in making more drama, tells the women that he wants them to "clear the air." The women have a bit of a squabble and then Shannon walks away saying "I hate it here," We hear what sounds like regurgitation, a toilet flushes and we go to commercial. She rejoins us and the rose ceremony begins. He gives Shannon a rose, but waits until almost the last. I feel that knowing that the girl just puked from the stress of it all, and knowing you were giving her a rose anyway, why wouldn't you give it to her first to relieve her anxiety? Kari, whom we hardly got to know and Erica, whom I feel like I've known in a previous life and didn't like, do not get a rose and lose "their chance of love with Jason forever." He gives Megan a rose, which surprised me, but didn't surprise me because, after all, it is ABC's The Bachelor.

First comes love...Then comes...

2009-01-14T16:06:00.000-08:00

What comes in between love and marriage?

People keep asking me what is new in my wedding world. I don't have much to tell them. I haven't had anything to say since I bought my dress in early December. And even though it is lovely and perfect, I'm not one to go on and on about it. Did I mention that it is lovely and perfect?

It makes me feel a little guilty - like I should be doing something, like I should have something more to tell them. What should be new? I suppose that my musings on The Bachelor are not enough to warrant more than an uncomfortable smile from anyone I try to divert. The bridal checklists say things like "10 - 8 months before: browse this, shop around for that, keep a record of this..." "6 months before: make this, buy that, pay for this..."

These checklists are, in fact, helpful, but at the end of the day, I know that we need to a) find someone to take a few photos that look good and that don't cost us any first borns or the like b) buy some pretty paper letting everyone know where and when to be and c) find someway to get good, danceable music playing on October 3rd. Of course, there is still d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, x, y, z, aa, bb, cc...x^2, x^3-1, A=1/2bh, etc., but I have chosen to narrow our immediate wedding concerns down to a, b, and c so that I can be calm, cool and collected before we get to all the factorization and geometry.

I felt like I forced myself to watch this one....

2009-01-12T19:19:00.000-08:00

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 2

"I've dated enough sauerkrauts." - Jillian, Bachelorette (No. It's not an ethnic slur about German people circa 1940).

ABC really needs to get their creative juices flowing. There is no need for that show to be two hours long. Honestly, it is veryobvious that they don't have enough material when they begin the episode with a 10 minute re-cap of last week's episode.

In any event, there were some good moments, but more importantly there were quite a few moments about which to make fun.

The host, Chris, introduces the women to the house that they will be living (and have doubtless seen on tv numerous times). He then goes through the rules with them - group dates, one on one dates, etc., but he adds a new twist. Not every woman will go on a date every week! Gasp! I know! The producers must have been thinking, "How can we make the atmosphere even more tense? How can we make the women act more stereotypically catty and awful towards each other?" Genius, Bachelor producers. Genius.

Later on, when the women all happen to be in their tiniest weeniest bikinis, Jason "surprises" the ladies. And the drinking begins. And continued. Then they did a weirdo slow-mo thing of Jason taking off his shirt. And then the drinking continued.

Jason describes both Jillian (one of my favorites) and Shannon (slightly stalkerish with a penchant for throwing ice cubes) as "fun." When Stefanie realizes that she is not getting any alone time, she takes the advice of Nikki (one of my other favorites) and brings Jason a drink poolside whilst he is talking to Natalie. She stands there awkwardly for a few minutes, unwilling to interrupt. She goes back to seat with the women, defeated. But in a nice, sisterly, moment, the women cheer her on and applaud her efforts. Later on, when Natalie is crying over not being given the rose during the "pool party," Raquel comforts her and tells her not to allow others to dictate her emotions. Wow. Some girl power on the Bachelor? Nah. Don't be silly.

As the women were sitting around awaiting the 411 on the upcoming dates, I noticed that one of them was slurping on some Ramen noodles. Really? Really, ABC? Really?

So Jason goes on a romantic date with Jillian to Disney Hall (It's good to be the king) and they are serenaded by Robin Thicke, whom I can only imagine is Alan Thicke's son. If you saw him. You'd understand. They kiss. Jason and Jillian. Not Jason and Robin Thicke. Sorry if that was unclear.

When Jillian is asked if they kissed, she says yes. This upsets Melissa.

The next day (at least in Bachelor land), Jason and Melissa eat oysters on the beach and take a ride in a blimp and see LA from the sky. They kiss.

The next night, 8 women get taken on a shopping spree date. Jason says, "go crazy." And some of the women are in awe of a man taking them shopping like that. Ummm....Do you think they know that he is not really paying? They then go on a "romantic" date to a boutique hotel. Where, lo and behold, they hang out and drink. Poolside. In skimpy bikinis. They put on a cute talent show and then it is followed by Molly wanting to show Jason, her "real talent." Her real talent? Kissing. So, of course, they kiss. Then Naomi takes a little one on one time with him, claiming to be his friend. They kiss.

After the 8 one 1 date, Raquel "sneaks" into the limo to talk to Jason. It's awkward and about 15 seconds and ends with Jason saying, "well, thanks for talking to me." They hug, but don't kiss.

During the evening of the rose ceremony, Lisa tells Jason that she has to go home because her grandmother has terminal cancer. The response to this by the other women? Such caring one-liners as "one less person that I have to worry about" and "as long as I get a rose, I don't care." Viva La Sisterhood!

Though, I don't like Meghan that much, I do agree that Molly should not have taken Jason away when she already had a rose. This event makes emotions fly high and Erica, clearly three sheets to the wind, and Meghan go at it.

Meanwhile, Jason states several times that many of the women have "amazing qualities," as the camera pans up Nikki's body, focusing on her breasts.

In the end, Raquel and some woman who is a teacher whose name I can't remember were not given roses. They have lost their chance at love, but at least they won't have to eat 99 cent Ramen noodles anymore.

I really enjoyed the scene of the women putting on a fashion show as the credits rolled. It was the best part and is evidence that women are not just the catty bitches that the producers and editors of this program would have us believe. They are many things. Why can't they put that IN the program instead of tormenting us with re-caps and slow moving rose ceremonies?

Wedding Related TV Fun!

2009-01-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 1

"My vision boards are real." - Renee, bachelorette

When I first heard that Jason Mesniak from last season's Bachelorette was the newest bachelor, I was a little surprised. They rarely bring back a bachelor (especially after America's love affair with bachelor Bob Guiney turned sour when he was the one holding the roses (or the power, as Chris so eloquently put it this evening). I do admit, however, that I was cheering for DeAnna to pick the single dad last go 'round. So I was definitely going to tune in.

When the sunset and soft music began rolling this evening, I knew that this would be the most romantic season ever! At least that is what the narrator said. It begins with a recap of what happened with DeAnna and how Jason's heart was broken. In the end, it was okay, though, because he was able to love again. And that's why he is going on this journey and taking his son to LA, "the perfect place to find the woman of [his] dreams." After we decide that we are on Jason's side and hate Dionna all over again, we have about 2 -3 minutes of the obligatory shirtless workout and getting dressed scenes. All the bachelorettes think he is the hottest father ever! Is there such a thing as a DILF???? In any event, Jason states ephatically that "I know I'll meet my future wife." Have you no knowledge of the turn out of all the other seasons of the Bachelor? Way to hold strong Trista and Ryan! Anyway, we finally get to "meet" the "girls." I immediately root for the 30 and older crowd, of which there are three (Jason is 32) and pick out some other favorites. Because I am obviously insecure in my "this is what a feminist looks like t-shirt" and lounge pants, I pick out their flaws - too young, no real eyebrows, crazy bug eyes, the creation of vision boards....

When they get Jason to the mansion, the scene of many of his not so distant once in a lifetime memories, Chris reminds him sweetly that he's not so lucky at love. "Thanks, Chris," Jason says in a somewhat awkward moment. Many commercials later (or at least it seemed like it), the women come screaming (literally) in their limos to the mansion. During the arrival of the 25 "beautiful women," ranging in age from 23 - 36 years, as well as in the degree of spray-on tans, we learn that all the women are "there for him," that Jason is not immune to very low cut dresses and that potatoes come from Idaho. Then bring on the party and the drinking! They even did shots! That was a first as far as I can remember. I mean, we know that the producers are constantly supplying them with alcohol to get better tv, but shots? Is this Rock of Love? I am always amazed at the gumption of the women to go and steal some "one on one time" with the bachelor. If that wasn't enough, ABC decided to spice things up a little bit this time by having the women choose one among them whom they would like to get rid of. Of course, there was the pretense of voting off the woman who was "not right for Jason" or "not there for the right reasons," but let's be honest, they were going to kick off the one they didn't like or saw as their greatest threat. But before I reveal the results of that lovely endeavour by ABC to feed into the catty, let's talk about the first impression rose. It was given to the woman whom Jason drooled over as she walked out of the limo - Nikki, the administrative assistant and former beauty queen. Way to set the feminist movement back forty years there, Jason. Shortly there after, Chris announces the three women who received the most votes from the other women - Jackie, Melissa and Meghan. Only....the jokes on them! Meghan, with the most votes, gets a rose tonight! She turns around and calls them all assholes. Where is Brett Michaels????

"Who will get a rose and who will lose their chance at love FOREVER?" The narrator asks us right before a commercial break. Jason knows that he is "looking for a kind heart" and big boobs. And that all "the qualities [I'm] atrracted to are all in that room," especially the boobs. Jason conducts his first rose ceremony with, of course, Chris reminding him when the final rose is about to be given out. I agreed with some of his choices and not with some others. All in all, though, it was a pretty boring episode that could have been condensed into one hour. Of course, the narrator did say it was going to be the most dramatic season ever. He's never been wrong before.

Dresses!

2008-12-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

Why is it acceptable, nay expected, for women to spend thousands of dollars on a dress they will wear just once? I know the trite answers, such as "it is a once in a lifetime event," "when else can you do it?" and "it's the most important day of your life." Yet, I have never been able to wrap my mind around the concept.

I definitely want a fabulous dress that makes me feel beautiful, but I refuse to go into debt (ok, go into further debt) for it. So when it came time for me to begin the dress shopping process, I scoured the internet for lower cost options, bound and determined to find a dress for about $500 dollars. Insert shocked and horrified gasp from wedding gown community here.

Loads of women roll the dice and order their dresses on-line either from a designer half-way across the country, at vintage boutique shops (FYI - 2000's size 6 is a 1950's size 10), etc. In fact, J. Crew Bridal doesn't even have a place for you to try on dresses, you just have to hope it fits. Buying the dress on-line sight unseen seemed foolish at best.

So I made some appointments at bridal boutique/factories to see what I could find, fully prepared to have to hold my ground on my "non-negotiables": color, price, simplicity, no bling and no poof!
http://uglydress.com

The following is a re-cap of my wedding dress adventures.

First stop: Kleinfeld's Sample Sale. Oh, before I forget, I did apply to TLC's "Say Yes to the Dress." I guess I was not what they were looking for. ;) Anyway, I had been to Kleinfeld's before. Heck, I'd been to a sample sale there with a bride who bought her dress there. I thought that it was a good way to start and it has got to be reasonably priced. Right? I arrived there at 10AM with my mother, and two of my best friends, Janette and Tami. The room was crowded with soon to be brides and their friends and family. I'll admit that I was excited and maybe even a bit nervous. Upon signing in, I was forced to give up the last remnants of my Au Bon Pain coffee (NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED!). We waited for a few minutes amidst the buzzy room until Jennifer came to greet us. She brought us into her room and asked me about what I wanted. I explained and showed her two pictures.

Then she asked about how much I wanted to spend. I said around $1,000 (which was already higher than I intended to go) and she very gently explained that their most inexpensive dresses ran about that much money. We went out into the forest of white garments and rummaged through the "cheapies" and found a few numbers. I undressed, embarrassed by lack of foresight in having to get almost naked in front of strangers and friends, and put on the gowns. In true Barbara Walters style, Janette continuously asked me if I was going to cry. I didn't. There was a lot of poof, there was a lot of strapless and there was a lot of weird rhinestones. To Jennifer's credit, she told me that she did not want me to settle and that I should be happy. The last dress I tried on, hit closest to what I wanted, but was a lofty $1,500. I left with a Kleinfeld's card.

Second "on the fly" stop: Selia Yang. This is why women spend thousands of dollars on dresses. Tami called a boutique in the East Village and they were nice enough to squeeze us in. These dresses were flattering, well made and felt....good. They also came with a hefty $4,000 - %5,000 price range. Sigh. Lovely, though.

Two weeks later...

Third Stop: RK Bridal. Samia and Eugenia came with me to this mad house. You don't make appointments here. You come in and you sign up and then it is like the running of the bulls. Find a dress! The three of us searched through the many and seemingly endless racks looking for the features I wanted at the price I wanted. We found quite a few and were then told that I could only try on five of them. So then we sifted and we waited, sitting on the floor, guarding our treasured 5 dresses and getting rudely treated by snarky RK bridal workers. Finally, my name was called. Olga was my attendant. I tried on the 5 dresses that we picked out and the best I can say, is, "eh." She then ran out of the dressing room and came back with 2 more dresses. Two WONDERFUL dresses. They both looked fabulous on me and were both roughly $600! Nevertheless, I did not want to purchase them then and there, knowing I had a lot more appointments in my future, but I did promise Olga I would come back so she could get my commission. Needless to say, I stare at the images of theses dressed on-line upon occasion.

Thanksgiving weekend...

Fourth Stop: David's Bridal. My mother and Adrienne were my companions during this venture. Nicole, my attendant, was fantastic and I tried on a lot of dresses. Most of which, were NOT me. For the most part, I felt that the dresses were cheesy and looked and felt cheap. I mentioned to Nicole that I did not like the feel of one of the dresses. She said, it is called "soft satin." I said, "that's what it is called, but what is it really?" She responded, "polyester."

See. Even she isn't happy about it.

In any event, it was somewhat fun putting on the crinoline and trying on the big ole dresses, but in the long run, it's not me (at least not anymore....sixteen year old me would have just died).

Fifth Stop: The Bridal Center. It was just mom and I this time. This crazy place is a one stop shop. You can get your dress, your ring, your DJ, your photographer, your invitations, your limousine, your wedding doves and your first child's best friend here. Anyway, back to dresses. There were two that were nice, but ultimately more money than RK Bridal.

Sixth Stop: Paradise Bridal. Again, just the Podgarsky ladies. Since we had no idea where we were going and it was rainy and cold, we were 15 minutes late. They were understanding and nice and took us right away. My attendant, Cherise, was just lovely. I told her what I wanted and she did her darnedest to find me something. She even put a comb ($195!) in my hair when I said that I was not wearing a veil. There were fabulous dresses here and I fell in love with the last one. It reminded me of a 1940's Hollywood dress, soft, ivory, cowl neck, with just a bit of beading strategically placed around the hips and stomach. Tragically, it was more than I can justify spending a one time only frock.

In the end, I discovered what looks good on me and what doesn't. What we start out believing we want, may not be the best fit. I also discovered that I have will power. There were very expensive dresses that I looked freakin' awesome in, but I did not succumb to the temptation. Finally, I realized playing dress up is still a lot of fun.

The Five Things Arthur is Responsible For the Wedding (or, Five Ways Arthur is Going to Screw Up the Wedding)

2008-11-11T10:31:00.000-08:00

This is my latest top five list and yes, it is once again wedding related. As the "man," I am responsible for a certain amount of the wedding. Usually the stuff that isn't flower related. I've decided to generate these things into a top five list and also add on where my final decision for each is headed. So, please enjoy, and don't tell Andrea:

5. I'm responsible for the Groomsmen gift: Which I've decided upon to be a handful of those paper balls that snap when you throw them to the ground (in some parts of the world, they are called Snaps). And I figure that I should give them out before my wedding ceremony...oh, and my groomsmen will all be thirteen years old.

4. I'm responsible for my ring: Andrea already has plans for her wedding band, so I'm going to have to come up with my own idea. I could use the engagement ring that we already or I could go with the better choice: Ring Pops. I'm going cherry, don't like grape.

3. I'm responsible for the rehearsal dinner: Which, as of now, consists of a bag of weed and a table filled with an assortment of Cheetos.

2. I'm responsible for the entertainment: I've decided against the DJ or the live band. Instead, we are just going to show a continuous video loop of my favorite Police Academy scenes.

1. I'm responsible for writing my wedding vows: As of now, all I've got is the Ezekiel 25:17 speech that Samuel L. Jackson gives in Pulp Fiction.

So, there you go. If this sounds like a potentially good time for you, then drop us a line and we'll put you in the "Win an Invite to Arthur and Andrea's Wedding" sweepstakes. (Offer void in Hawaii and parts of Utah). Please only send one entry per person.

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

2008-11-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

Much emptier on Halloween Night!

It's official! As I walked off of the plane at LaGuardia from Chicago Midway Friday night, I thought to myself, maybe Arthur will be here. I quickly smacked myself in the head. "Andrea!" I yelled internally because to do so outloud might garner at minimum annoyed stares from weary travelers, "you have got to stop doing this to yourself. Arthur wants it to be a surprise and if you keep thinking he is going to pop out of every corner, piece of cake and coffee cart, you are going to go nuts!" It was at that moment that I decided to stop the madness. Newly determined, I happily walked through the airport, thinking about how empty it was, when I rounded into baggage claim. And standing behind a column was Arthur! I immediately hugged him, proclaiming my surprise. He then got down on his knee and said, "I did not want you to step on New York soil without your ring." He put it on me. I hugged him again and we exchanged "I love you's." I then put the matching ring on his finger. There were only a few people around, a grumpy security guard giving us the stink eye and a youngish woman, whom I believe was made to feel incredibly uncomfortable sitting only a few feet down from us. After our intimate moment, she suddenly stood up, asking "what terminal is this?" and ran off. Then...the best part! I saw that my suitcase was already sitting there, someone having taken it off the carousel for me! I jest, of course. That wasn't the best part, but it was a pretty good sign, I think.

Not us after the officialness. It was a nineties party a few weeks ago.

*Reasonable facsimile of Andrea's red suitcase.
**No suitcases were harmed during the writing of this blog.

Now There's Really No Turning Back

2008-10-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

We've booked our location! Yeah! It is going to be at the Three Village Inn in Stony Brook, Long Island on October 3, 2009. While we struggled with the final two for a little bit, we ultimately felt that this place was more us - historical (we are going to be in our mid-thirties by the time we get hitched), unique (have you met Andrea???) , picturesque (if you haven't experienced it, just you wait 'til Arthur bats those baby blues at you).

It feels good having made the decision. A load has been lifted and we can concentrate on other things. For example, Andrea can start the fun process of dress shopping with her mother and friends while Arthur can start interviewing gladiators for the entertainment portion of the program. As Andrea looks for invitation ideas, Arthur can put an ad on Craigslist for the ninjas who will double as groomsmen. "EM desperately seeking 4 spry, stealthy individuals who really know how to work a crowd. Must have own smoke bombs. Electric slide experience preferred." So yeah, we both have our wedding planning responsibilities.

Oh. And in case anyone is wondering, there are no rings on our fingers yet!

Control Freak?!?

2008-09-30T18:54:00.000-07:00

I KNOW that the rings have arrived. How do I know? Because Todd Alan Studios was nice enough to shoot me an e-mail on Monday telling me that our ordered had been shipped via express UPS service (Yes, not so smart considering the plan was for me NOT to have a clue as to their actual arrival...we failed to realize that we put my e-mail address down when we ordered them (no worries, though. This is going to be a GREAT wedding, as we are assuredly off to a well-thought out start). I KNOW the rings have arrived, but there are no rings on our right hand ring fingers yet. Everyday that passes by fills my mind with ideas, concerns and thoughts of "WHEN THE HELL IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN"?

So it has dawned on me that I am an absolute control freak. Ok. I know. If any of you are reading this who have known me for any extended amount of time, you might be thinking...this is as great an epiphany as realizing that you should not go swimming until half an hour after you eat (arthur blog call back). Irregardless, I have just now come to this realization myself. It is killing me that someone else, even if it is my intended - a person, I love and respect - has all the control in this situation. At every given moment, I think, maybe it'll be tonight. Maybe Arthur is not actually at an open mic, but is waiting in the apartment and has strategically placed the rings around the cat's neck so that when she jumps on me, she will, in fact, be the one to propose. She could do it, you know, but then she's run back and forth a couple of time and knock stuff off of stuff. Maybe my dinner plan with so and so is all a ruse and Arthur will be waiting there instead, dressed up in a Han Solo outfit. Or Darth Vader. But not Jabba the Hut and definitely not Jar Jar Binks. I'd have to say no if he did that.

I digress.

I am trying so hard to be good - to restrain from bombarding him with suggestions or questions or hints. That isn't to say that I don't get a good old passive aggressive remark in there now and again (come on ladies, you know what I'm talking about), it is just that I promised that I would lay off. And I do want to - for him, for us. At the end of the day, all that matters is that we are getting married in a year's time, right? Perhaps I should view this as a growth experience - something that will make me a stronger, better person capable of will power, self-control and discipline. Yet, much a couple of weight watchers points, I fear that this thought will only sustain me for about an hour.

I could maybe deal with Obi Wan (either Ewan McGregor or Alec Guinness). That might be hot.

Five Worst Places to Hold Our Wedding

2008-09-24T10:58:00.003-07:00

Hey there. Arthur here. I've grown to enjoy writing top five lists. And I thought, "Hey, why not introduce one I wrote into our wedding blog. After all, it is one I've written about weddings. Oh, crap, did I feed the cat. I think so. What's on HBO tonight?" So, I've giving you this list of the worst places for us to have our wedding. If you like these, check out more at arthurstopfive.blogspot.com. And now, for the list:

5. Afghanistan - A lot of political upheaval going on in this place. Also, no good DJ's.

4. The Sun - I have a pale complexion and burn easily. The sun wouldn't be good for my skin. Also, lack of solid catering halls.

3. My High School Bedroom - The home of just about all my greatest disappointments. Don't want to jinx the wedding by putting it there.

2. A Ballroom Filled with the Living Dead - The living dead make awful wedding guests. They eat all the food (and friends and family) and don't even bother bringing a gift.

1. Sue Funke's Apartment - May be a scam. She wants a 125 guest commitment, but the place only fits six.

Well, we should be deciding on a place soon. We've got a lot of things to think about. Thank God I narrowed it down a bit by deciding where I don't want to hold the wedding. They say this is the most difficult decision to make for your wedding. They also say not to swim until a half hour after you eat. And we now know that's not true.

A Modern Coming Out

2008-09-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Have you tried this facebook thing? I know I'm like a million years behind the times (I even by-passed the whole MySpace era), but it is my most recent obsession. It's pretty cool and I've been able to get in touch with people I haven't seen in over 15 years. I even got Arthur to join.

Speaking of Arthur, it has been a few weeks since we became unofficially engaged. And whilst we've told are nearest and dearest and even a few on the periphery, we are ultimately waiting to let everyone know after we have some sort of symbolic moment (other than clicking the computer mouse at the same time in order to place the on-line order of our engagement rings. Seriously, we did that).

At least that was the plan....

Facebook has this nifty little option where you can comment on your relationship with any particular person with whom you are friends. In his eagerness to set up a complete profile, Arthur changed our status from "in a relationship with" to "engaged to", essentially informing the facebook community that we are, in fact, engaged. Almost instanteously, I received many heartfelt and SURPRISED wishes of congratulations. I have yet to respond to those people because A) facebook is not functioning properly for me and B) I'm not quite sure what to say! (THANKS, everyone! Thanks, facebook!)

Besides the fact that this isn't quite how I pictured telling my friends or even my "friends" that we are getting married, posting our betrothal on the biggest social networking site around isn't exactly keeping things "unofficial." Alongside this silliness of it, I feel guilty about not telling the people in my life that are not on facebook. You know, the ones that actually might get invited to the nuptials?

Though, I suppose if one were to think about it, it does fall under the category of "non-traditional." It is also quite a modern (or is it post-modern? I forget) way of getting engaged.

Where are those freaking rings?

Officially Unofficial

2008-09-16T17:38:00.001-07:00

Arthur and I have been talking for a while now about wanting a "non-traditional" wedding. Not quite sure what that means exactly? Well, neither do we. Getting married on top of the Kingda Ka? Don't even think about it, Arthur. Dressing up in period costume? My friends would just die. Running away and eloping? Well, that would be sweet, but it isn't going to happen.

So really we aren't too sure about what we want specifically. What we do know is what we don't want. Since I'm writing this, I'll let Arthur speak if his "not wants" himself, and concentrate on mine at this juncture.

I don't want to feel a part of the bridal machine or to feel suckered into things that are not us. Instead, I want to make the choices that make us both happy and that will lead us to a hell of a party that celebrates the beginning of our married life and the start of Arthur having health insurance for the first time since I've known him.

I don't want to wear a traditional white dress (though, I've since decided that I am willing to try on white dresses with color in them) or wear a veil or have my parents "give me away." My feminist leanings simply won't allow me to subscribe to the symbols behind these "traditions" (many of which didn't start until around WWII).

I don't want to throw a bouquet so that my single friends can gleefully squeal in some absurd notion of feminine competition (every woman must WANT to get married, mustn't she?). I don't want to do the chicken, the electric slide, the "hands-up" dance, the macarena or that terrible Grease compilation remix. There. I have said it. And the wedding gods have neglected to send the bad bride lightening bolt in order to strike me down. Minor offense, perhaps.

The biggest wedding sin committed so far, I think, is not wanting a big rock. Never been one for the concept of spending three months salary on a piece of jewelry that tells the world I am now taken, but says nothing about my betrothed's status, I also feared patronizing a sketchy industry. So while I think they're pretty and sparkly, it's not me. After much conversation and a bit of deliberation, Arthur and I have purchased engagement rings (note the plural - it's not a type-o). We chose hand-woven rings that will be custom made out of the same braid. They haven't arrived yet, but should be here any day! I'm dying! Where are those @#$%ers?!? Sorry. OK. Anyway, like I was saying, they have not come yet. So Arthur and I decided that until such time as they do show up, we are "unofficially engaged."

We, of course, told our parents. And our siblings. And our closest friends. And a couple of co-workers. But that's it....

Welcome to Our Wedding

2008-09-11T10:42:00.001-07:00

Well, not yet. It's a whole year away, but believe us when we say that there is a lot that has to happen before the day of the wedding. But I'm sure you already knew that. Bridezillas has taught us all the agony and the ecstasy of planning the most important day of your life. First off, Andrea is not a Bridezilla. Let's get that out of the way right now. Second, Arthur may or may not be a Bridezilla.

We will be throwing our own two cents in about the experience. There is plenty of joy mixed with apprehension mixed with excitement mixed with utter confusion.

Right now, we are in the process of trying to find the right catering hall. Somewhere in Long Island. Andrea's family is from there, and since her family is bigger than Arthur's, well it's just easier getting Carlsons up here.

So, keep coming back and find out how we deal with putting together this most blessed of events. We're sure there will be a lot to talk about.

Andrea and Arthur's Non-Refundable Deposit

Too Long, but learning about Brooklyn

Marriage Tax?

These Are the People in Your Neighborhood

Of Course, You Are!

Marital Bliss… For Him Anyway

Out with the Old and in with the Eggs

We're Moving to Brooklyn

Romance Visited

Rehearsing? Sort of. Eating? Hopefully!

Determination

Friday is Relaxation Station (Well, almost)

A Very Belated Wedding Weekend Recap Part I - DYI Madness

The Big Questions

The Little Things

Do We Really Need Them?

Pineapple Martini Night

RSVP = Respondez Vous S'il Vous Plait (LET US KNOW IF YOU ARE COMING OR NOT!)

Bachelor Party

Four Weeks and Counting

Things I Swore I'd Never Do

A Surprising Turn of Events

I'm All Showered

Hey DJ, Pump this Party

Maybe I Should Return My Midriff Baring Mini-Skirt Wedding Ensemble?

The Response to the Atlantic article

Letâs Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

A Cake Made in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

Now, It's Istanbul

The Elusive Dress

Four Months and Counting...

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

Feminist Thoughts On Marriage Norms

A Slice of Turkey

Hear ye! Hear ye!

That's a Good Answer, In't?

Honeymoon Blues

Interesting Wedding Traditions

A 19th Century Feminist Marriage

Please Don't Stop the Music

Should We Have Just Eloped?

Coming Soon to a Wedding Near You...

Wedding Center Piece Violence

This One is For You, Kid

6 Months and Counting...

Catering Coordinator or Defense Agaist the Dark Arts Professor?

Andrea's Eleven Questions for the Producers of The Bachelor

Non-Green Save the Dates

Devastated About Jillian

The Five Worst DJs or Please Don't Play That Funky Music.

A Bachelor Quickie

A Sigh of Relief and a Renewed Sense of Weddingness

Sleepless in Seattle

The Most Awkward Bachelor Yet

Oh, Chrissy! How could you have forsaken us?

You oughta be in pictures

Response to Anonymous

Being Pretty and Being Smart Is Not Enough

First comes love...Then comes...

I felt like I forced myself to watch this one....

Wedding Related TV Fun!

Dresses!

The Five Things Arthur is Responsible For the Wedding (or, Five Ways Arthur is Going to Screw Up the Wedding)

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

Now There's Really No Turning Back

Control Freak?!?

Five Worst Places to Hold Our Wedding

A Modern Coming Out

Officially Unofficial

Welcome to Our Wedding

Letâs Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)