I'm All Showered

While I tend to not care for (ok, deplore) many of the "traditions" surrounding the modern wedding, there are quite a few to which I have been looking forward. One of them being my bridal shower. I just think that there is something very cool about a women only event where all generations gather around to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one women. It seems so very Rent Tent. I never really minded going to them, had a lot of fun throwing them and was really looking forward to mine.

About a month ago, at a work happy hour, Co-worker A unintentionally let it slip that she had received "my shower invitation." Co-worker B promptly hit her. "I didn't know it was supposed to be a surprise!" declared Co-worker A. I assured her that I knew that I wasn't going to get one and still had no idea when. Then we went back to drinking.

This got my wheels spinning, of course. I had not even been thinking about my shower at the end of May since the wedding was still over four months. Then, being my overly analytical/obsessive self, I started to nitpick away at all the possible dates. I settled in on one in particular and given certain things that were said throughout the next few weeks, I felt pretty certain about it. But I didn't want to know! I started asking questions to get people to tell me that it wasn't that date because I wanted so badly to be truly surprised. To everyone's credit, they were good at trying to throw me off track. One friend even sent me a fake Shower invitation so that I would not go to hers and have that day open. The ruse was that we were going bridal dress shopping for another friend, Samia, and were going to surprise her with champagne to celebrate her engagement.

In any event, irregardless of any correct assumption on my part or presence or lack of surprise, my friends and mother threw me the best bridal shower ever.

It was held in the common room of friend, Eugenia's apartment building. When I walked in with my friend, Gabi, I guess no one was expecting me because they were all just standing around chatting. Slowly, people started to see me. I went back out and came back in so they could take "surprised" pictures. As I made my rounds, saying hi and giving hugs and kisses, I began to notice all the little, perfect details. There were green table cloths and red and green cups and plates, beautiful garnet, white and green center pieces made by my mother, Turkish food (falafel, tahini, tzasiki, pita, cheese cigars and taramasalata) along with tomato, mozzarella salad, green salad with cranberries, nuts and feta and a hero, as well as all sorts of drinks (most importantly wine).

My cousin Sarah gave me a corsage, which was very thoughtful and sweet.

Then the special guest star, who turned out not to be a stripper, but a baker arrived. Veronica taught the guests to decorate lingerie cookies (matching panties (I hate that word) and bra sets, bustiers and nightgowns). There were also some animals and flowers for the kids.



She then proceeded to give me a private lesson in making a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. It was so much fun and right up my alley. I felt like I was on a cooking show. All the ingredients were measured ahead of time and after I poured the batter into the baking sheet, Veronica swapped it out for the cooked version. The finished product was not sampled until Arthur and I got home that evening, but it was delicious - as you can see from the amount missing that very same night!



Later on, there was more cake and then the opening of presents. During this event, my future sister-in-law, Jen, asked the crowd questions about my relationship with Arthur. I think the most significant question was the "When did Arthur know Andrea was the one?" The answer? When I was able to identify from another room that particular light saber sounds were from The Empire Strikes Back (not A New Hope or Return of the Jedi). I'm pretty sure I appalled some people by that reveal and may have lost a few guests for October...

Anyway, everyone was sweet and generous and it was all a great deal of fun. All the guests got to take home the lingerie cookies they made as well as these "Turkish" tea jars made by Janette.


I am one lucky woman to have so many amazing women in my life.

P.S. I took most of the photos with my new digital camera given to me by my parents for the shower.

Hey DJ, Pump this Party

It has finally been done. We have finally booked a DJ. There will be music at the wedding. People will dance. They will not need to do their best rendition of Madonna's Like a Virgin or Outkast's Hey Ya. And I think I can safely say that we are all happy that my father won't be singing any Neil Sedaka or CCR. As it turns out, said booked DJ is Art's friend's sister's uncle's cousin's room mates' third cousin once removed (I forget what the actual relationship is) and so therefore we are giving money to someone with whom we sort of have a connection. We were just about to book with the Pros when we finally managed to get in touch with this guy, Rob. Now, I'm sure the Pros DJ would've rocked the house, I felt like we were settling as we had not met the dude and were only truly considering him because of the cost. We were also struggling over whether or not it was worth $200 more for the cocktail hour. Lo and behold are newest vendor costs less for 5 hours than the Pros DJ was going to charge for 4 hours (already a real bargain after having shopped around for a while). To further our good fortune, October 3 was the only available date in October that Rob had open. It is nice that something turned in our favor.

As my mother mentioned, he is another definite to go towards our 100 guest minimum.


Eh. As long as he's got the Grease remix, we'll feed him.

Maybe I Should Return My Midriff Baring Mini-Skirt Wedding Ensemble?

Check out the Newsweek article on how slutty modern brides have become here. : http://www.newsweek.com/id/200495?gt1=43002 and the Feministing response.

I find this part amusing: "While most sociologists agree that women admitting to lust and wanting to be sexually empowered is a good thing, they see a problem with making exhibitionism the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony: it might crowd out other aspects of the marriage."

What else is the modern wedding if not an exhibition? Why else do people pay tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars for a one day event? Why else do women daydream their whole lives over the perfect, fairy tale wedding (whether or not she wears a "princess" dress or a slinky Vivienne Westwood gown)? Why else spend months painstakingly picking out linens, shoes, favors, invitations, flowers, etc.? I think Newsweek missed the mark here.

The Response to the Atlantic article

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The Sandrah Tsing Loh article doesn't necessarily paint modern marriage in a positive light nor does it go beyond traditional gender discourses, but the Feministing response is a good one. I also look forward to their marriage forum.

Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

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A Cake Made in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

I just thought this was cute: Back to the Future Wedding Cake. It was found on Serious Eats.

If we had unlimited funds to go to one of these ultra fancy bakeries and wedding cake designers, I would want a Star Wars cake.




The R2D2 groom's cake is cute, but they still have Jedi Knight cake toppers on the actual wedding cake. These two are probably die hard fans.



I think they just put the Hasbro figures on the top. It is still a good idea.




This is my favorite except that I find it slightly creepy that Leia and Luke are getting married. Ummm...did this couple see Return of the Jedi?

What would your fun, fantasy cakes look like?

Now, It's Istanbul

Or is it Constantinople?



My renewed passport has arrived (Arthur's hasn't...hmm....maybe he really cannot leave the country), our airline tickets are bought, our tour is booked. We even have travel insurance. I guess this means we are actually going on a honeymoon.

So now, what's left?

1) Finalize music issue (yes, dear readers, amazingly that issue has yet to be resolved)
2) Figure out what we are doing about the rehearsal dinner (see above parenthetical side note)
3) Buy stamps, print out and mail invitations
4) Get the bridal party gussied up (in other words, find their dresses and then corresponding outfits for men)
5) Create wedding centerpieces
6) Create guest bags
7) Purchase and design silk flower creations
8) Buy shoes for wedding dress
9) Buy accessories for wedding dress
10) Get fittings done
11) Buy a suit and shoes for Arthur (as well as a rehearsal dinner outfit)
12) Write ceremony
13) Write vows
14) Get a marriage license
15) Determine if we are doing favors or not
16) Determine if we are doing a first dance and what our song will be
17) Buy presents for bridal party

It is a long list. I'm sure it could/should be longer, but Top Chef Masters is about to start.

The Elusive Dress

Yesterday, my two best women and I traveled to Roosevelt Field Mall to explore its nooks and crannies and find dresses for them. Arthur and I want our colors for the wedding to be peridot and garnet (the colors of our birthstones). At first, as you may have read before, we were more or less going to let the best women and best men wear whatever they felt comfortable in. This is still very important to us, but we may try to have the women in one color and the men wear ties in the other color. First, though, we need to find the dresses.

After planning this day months ago, we were all anxious to get out there and start shopping. So we made the logical first stop. The food court, of course! Hey. There were free samples. And, well, one needs sustenance in order to walk around the mall for hours. Don't judge!

Anyway, after a quick lunch and discussion over day before wedding activities (J found a great reflexology place in LI and we no plan to make appointments), we were off.

We went to Bloomingdales, Macy's, Nordstrom's, JC Penny, Ann Taylor, J. Crew and Jessica McClintock. This list is neither in order nor complete.

When we walked into our first store, we noticed that pea soup green is quite in and we all mocked it, as women do when they shop. We moved on to to try to find clover greens, grass greens, seafoam greens or apple greens. Need more green references? Click here. Nothing was wowing us. There were sun dresses and "maxi" dresses and formal gowns, but there seemed to be a dearth of cute green cocktail dresses in most of the stores.

Then J found a dress that looked very good on her. Guess what color it was? Pea soup green! She bought it! The next challenge was to find a dress that complimented it for S. Do you know how hard it is to find a dress that does not clash with pea soup green? You don't know. It's pretty freakin' hard.


Meanwhile, we stepped into Jessica McClintock for kicks and trips down prom memory lane. It turned out that they had a dress with both green and garnet! It was really funky and when J handed it to me, I laughed at first and joked that I should be in Moulin Rouge. I tried it on, it fit and looked good. It was also 25% off. I bought it for the rehearsal dinner. Note: that is not at all settled and I was a bit worried about wearing such an ensemble to Rib City. I mean is it weird to wear a fancy cocktail dress to a place that has a carton character display of the animal you about to eat? My best women convinced me that my concerns were unwarranted, that it was just about the only time I could wear something like that and I got over it. It is now safely ensconced at J's place so that Arthur cannot see it. Did you know the tradition is that it is bad luck for the groom to see the rehearsal dinner dress before the rehearsal?

Anyway, we left the mall feeling slightly unsatisfied in regards to our original quest. We had to make this past shopping date about two months ago because of everyone's schedule, so I fear it will take just as long to do it again. In the mean time, there will be lots of on-line shopping.

Four Months and Counting...

According to my mother's monthly text message, we're just four months away from tying the knot. That's right, folks. Four months from today, we'll be bustin' a move on the dance floor of the Three Village Inn. What song will it be? The electric slide? The chicken dance? YMCA? The Grease montage? Oh, please let it be the Grease montage. Please. Please. Please.

In actual fact, we don't have the music situation squared away yet so it might just be rounds of row row row your boat. Maybe I can dig up some old mixed tapes.

So where are we at within the wedding count down list?

Side note, there are approximately thirty bridal related magazines at the bodega at the 34th Street Path station. There were even several on getting engaged. I don't really understand what is in that magazine. I don't think I want to know. Anyway, according to various wedding expert sources, we should:

1) Book the rehearsal dinner and day after brunch venues. We're working on that one. We know where the post-wedding brunch will be. My childhood abode. Thanks mom and dad. The rehearsal dinner is another story. We have one place in mind because of its proximity to the wedding venue and affordability. However, at the end of the day, since we are paying for most of this ourselves, it is still just another expense. Then there is the question of the guest list. Do we invite all out of town guests? How can we possibly afford that? Do we just invite those actually in the wedding and close family and let all of those who traveled far to be with us fend for themselves?

2) Check on the wedding invitations. "Umm....hi, costco....umm...are they ready?"

3) Select and order the cake. Attend several tastings. Cake. Yummy. Well, it is included at the Inn. Too bad. We like to taste.

4) Purchase shoes and start dress fittings. Well, my first fitting is not until August. I'm thinking gold. I like the Manolos below, but I'm not Carrie Bradshaw so if anyone sees some knock offs, let me know!

5) Schedule hair and makeup artists. Luckily, one of my best women volunteered.

6) Choose songs. Grease montage!

7) Plan welcome baskets for guests, if desired. What says Long Island? How does one get a thick accent into a welcome basket? Seriously, they are desired. We have some ideas.

In any event, it is nice to see that without having looked at the "lists" in a while, that we are looking pretty good.

Grease is the word!

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

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Feminist Thoughts On Marriage Norms

They are not my thoughts, but thought I would share. Check out this blog entry posted on Feministing.com called Marriage Norms for the Twenty-First Century.

I would add busting up the wedding industry that is allowed to bleed brides and grooms dry all to create that "perfect" day that can, I imagine, never quite live up to expectations. Furthermore, we need to counter the discourses that proclaim the "wedding day" as the most important day in a hetero girl/woman's life, while the hetero boy/man simply shows up because he has more important things to do/worry about.

A Slice of Turkey

So our current honeymoon focus is now Turkey. Insert my father's more than likely corny poultry joke here. Tooling around on the internet, in my quest to find a cheaper way to have an amazing honeymoon, I came upon European Destinations, which is actually a very cool website. It allows for multiple city bookings. On it, I found an interesting itinerary including Dubai, Istanbul and Athens. A full-fledged mostly inclusive close to nine night honeymoon seems to be able to be had at about $5,000. This is a heck of a lot less than what we were finding for Morocco (I think this is mainly based upon airfare).

So this got us thinking. I mentioned it to a few friends. Dubai got a few interesting reactions, but over all the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Yesterday, Arthur and I set ourselves down in the corner of the Bible section of Barnes and Noble (by the way, if you are looking for the King James version B&N is not the place to go) and poured through the travel guides on the UAE, Turkey and Greece. We read up on Dubai and while interesting, I wasn't sure it was where I wanted us to spend our honeymoon. Beyond that, it is cheaper to stay in one country. While Arthur really wanted to go to Greece, it seemed the most frugal to stick with Turkey.

I have often heard that Turkey is the poor person's Greece. Besides, the more I find out about ancient ruins, bazaars, Turkish baths (eyebrow wiggle), small seaside towns and look at the photos of the Bosphorus, "fairy chimneys," calcium cliffs and natural rock castles, the more I want to spend our honeymoon there.

We have gotten a few quotes from some tour agencies and right now we are leaning towards one that is based out of Turkey called Online Turkey Tours





(note: they have that ever present logo that seems to be on every New York City bus). I like that they are Turkish (does the logo make it more legit or am I just a sucker for marketing?) and they seem very accommodating.

It is not a "tour" tour, they just arrange everything for you, which is another great thing. Anyway, it is my current obsession. Arthur is probably sick of all the e-mail updates and findings, but he's taking it all in stride.

After all, in about four months, he is marrying me.