Friday is Relaxation Station (Well, almost)

The Friday before the wedding was meant to be nothing but relaxation, rehearsing and eating. It was all of those things to some extent, but before any of that could begin we had to drop off the items to Three Village Inn. Janette and I hurried up to Stony Brook from Holbrook to meet with Kim, the catering and sales manager. Kim looked slightly overwhelmed by all the stuff we were bringing in, which surprised me a little bit. Don’t other brides show up the day before the wedding with a big part of the wedding party in tow, boxes of centerpieces, favors, ribbon and wine bottles?
Anyway, after that fiasco, it was time for our reflexology appointment. I must, at this juncture, mention that we changed this appointment about three times during the course of the morning.

When we (Janette, Samia, Eugenia, Adrienne and I) arrived at the Relaxing Foot Station, I definitely needed an hour of a stranger voraciously kneeding my muscles. The room was dark, long and quiet. Massage chair upon massage chair lined the store. In assembly line fashion, each masseuse (refloxologist?) was assigned a patron. First, they sit you on a stool facing the big chair and put up your hair and work on your back for about twenty minutes. Then you sit in the chair and they cover you with towels. The rest of the time is spent working on your legs and feet. During our session, I suddenly heard a familiar voice say, “Hi. Is Andrea Podgarsky here”? This was quickly followed by a lot of “ssssshhhh’s.” It was my friend, Gabi. It made look up and chuckle, but then go right back to being pampered (or pummeled? Is there a difference?).

When our appointment was over and my friends yelled at me for not telling the reflexologist to go lighter, the bunch of us when out for pizza. It was really a nice, impromptu meal with friends. In fact, the whole day was exactly what every bride should have in the hours leading up to her wedding. I felt loved, appreciated and exactly where I wanted to be at that moment.



Next, it was time for our nail appointments. My cousin Sarah, the flower girl, and her mother, my aunt Judy met us there for a little pre-wedding pampering. It was Sarah’s first time getting her nails done and I think she really enjoyed it all!



She's well on her way to being one of the girls!


Aroma Nail Salon was lovely. It had a lovely amosphere. We had the run of the place.



Unfortunately, I smudged a toenail. Fortunately, I didn't care all that much.

Next up: Rehearsal Dinner.

A Very Belated Wedding Weekend Recap Part I - DYI Madness

I know. I know. I have been incredibly lax with the upkeep of this blog. My apologies to those who had been reading it. (Does anybody actually read it?)

Anyway, Arthur and I just celebrated our two month anniversary. Who'd have thought we would have made it this far? Yeah us!

I am going to start from the very beginning or at least where I left off.

The Thursday and Friday before the wedding is somewhat a blur because it was so hectic. There were labels to be made, programs to be printed, dresses to be picked up from the dry cleaners, underwear to buy, and finishing touches to be put on so many things. My mother and I were having a hard time getting along. Now, it all seems somewhat foolish, but we were both incredibly stressed out. I acknowledge that most, if not all, of the snarkiness was probably my fault. It reminds me of those moments during high school right before the dinner dances and the prom. I would be very nervous and want everything to be perfect and so the one person I always felt most inclined to be angry with was my mother. Daughters, I ask you, who more can you be snippy with than your mothers?
In any event, now that the festivities are all over, I no longer need to keep the details a secret.

At first, as I have probably mentioned before, I was very anti having favors. Favors now-a-days seem to fall into two categories: the uber tacky or the uber trendy. The first category consists of knick knacks with the couples names on them that the guests will never use, but will feel too guilty to away. The second category is usually a donation to a charity. Don't get me wrong, I think the concept of a mass donation in lieu of unnecessary material items is fantastic. However, we had already chosen to register at Target and use the IDO foundation because they give back to charity. I just wasn't comfortable with either choice.
When my aunt Terry mentioned making chocolate for our post-wedding brunch, it somehow ballooned into her making chocolate for favors. Now, homemade chocolate was definitely something with which I could live. Why? 1) It was homemade 2) People could EAT it. 3) It didn't cost a fortune 4) CHOCOLATE!

Of course, we couldn't just throw pieces of the yummy, creamy goodness on the table - no matter how pretty they were (mixes of milk chocolate, dark chocolate and white chocolate covered pretzels, nut cups, leaves and crispy leaves). This is the packaging we came up with:



We bought the little white boxes at the dollar store. We purchased the cellophane bags to hold the chocolate, the golden homemade sticker, kiwi colored ribbon and mini-red roses at the craft store. My friends came over a few weeks before the wedding. See "The Little Things Post." to help put it all together. Of course, we had run out of ribbon and so mom and I had to finish them on October 1st - the Thursday before the wedding.

We also had to finish up the hotel gifts. Instead of creating gift bags, we decided upon a bottle of local, seasonal wine for each hotel guest - Pindar's Autumn Gold.



I fell in love with them and the way they looked. However, I freaked out on Thursday, thinking that we did not have enough (there were some guest RSVP’s at the last minute). So my mom and I ran around on Thursday buying a few bottles (at a higher price) and then later sending out my aunt and my friend for others! It turns out we didn't end up using the extras, of course. I was still pleased with outcome and from all accounts the wine was pretty good. We never did try it ourselves.

The finishing touches for the wedding cake also needed to be dealt with. I know I should have figured it out earlier, but it was just one of those things that kept falling to the bottom of the pile. No sweat! We solved the dilemma using the same method with which we solved many other wedding DYI dilemmas. Another crazed trip to the crafts store! I picked out three sizes of ribbon and my mom threw together some beautiful silk flowers for the topper. She really has a great eye. Results? Artistic confectionary wonder! Judge for yourself:

Thankfully, my mother had completed the centerpieces ahead of time. They turned out great, giving the reception room at Three Village Inn a warm, cozy glow and setting the tone for the evening.




She had not, however, completed the bouquets. She stayed up late Thursday night finishing them up. This probably didn't help our crankiness with each other, I’d imagine! It was worth it in the end, though. The bouquets, corsages and boutonnières were absolute perfection. My mom is very talented.





Perhaps the biggest headache of the days leading up to the wedding were the programs. I mentioned this in a previous blog entry and things did not improve. One of my best women, Janette, kindly took over the reins of this seemingly impossible task, much to my relief. She did a fabulous job and in the end, they looked amazing.





So that was Thursday.

The Big Questions

I have found that whenever anyone whom I am not particularly close with sees or talks to me since I have been engaged, they ask one of three questions:

1) "Are you excited?" "Are you getting excited?" "Is Arthur excited?" "Is Arthur getting excited?" This question and its various incarnations has been posed to me for quite a while. I would say that since my shower at the end of June, it is the first thing asked. At first, I would reply with the assumptive, "yes." and leave it at that. Hey, they were the ones to ask the close-ended questions. When prompted to add details, I would. Yet, my response was inevitably followed by a glazed look in the eyes of the inquirer.

2) Similar to above, there is the "What is there left to do?" Or "Are you ready?" The isinterest quickly becomes apparant and I regret even answering. This angers me because since I do take a bit of an anti-bride stance, I do my best not to talk about the wedding at every turn. I never wanted to be that bride-to-be that has no other conversational topic in her arsenal in the months leading up to the nuptials. But THEY asked ME! Ok, lesson learned. So now, if asked, I just say a hearty, "yup" or "not too much!"

3) The above awkwardness has lately been replaced with, "are you nervous?" How is one meant to answer this question? What am I meant to be nervous about? The preparations? The ceremony? Marrying my enfianced? It gets a woman to thinking. Why don't I feel nervous? Shoud I be nervous? Now, I am just nervous about everyone asking me whether I am nervous.

It all leads me to understand that there are definite prescribed dialogues surrounding weddings. When one deters from it or tries to bend or change it, it becomes uncomfortable. At least, that's how I felt at times. Maybe I'm the one making it that way?

Two days to go!

The Little Things

Have I mentioned how lucky I am? I have never thought that I was a particuarly crafty or creative person. Sure, I can put a bouquet together to bring to a friend's party. I can pick out a nice pair of earrings to go with a particular outfit. I can cook pretty well. But I don't necessarily have the patience or the coordination to manufacture the items that people "oooh" and "aaah" over. Hence, my short-lived career in jewelry making.

That's why I am so very fortunate to have crafty, creative and patient family and friends.

On Sunday, several of my lovely wedding ladies, as well as my mother and aunt came over to help me put together favors and guest gifts. One my aunt's had already generously put in a great deal of time in the creation of the favors. My mother and I had been shopping around town for months for the little bits to tie it altogether. I didn't particularly care about the angle of this or the amount of that and that's why I am lucky. My friends took charge and I just gave the nod of approval and before you knew it (after much food - we never do small amounts of food in my family - and a little bit of wine), they were almost all assembled. They also look adorable and they are exactly what I envisioned.



After a week of feeling uber stressed about work, apartment issues and the lack of time to get everything done, an afternoon with some of my closest was exactly what I needed. A few hours of laughing and being surrounded by love and support was just what the wedding planner ordered.

And by wedding planner, I mean me.

Do We Really Need Them?

So despite having heard a myriad of horror stories from various friends and acquaintances regarding the printing and assembling of their wedding programs, we very wisely chose to print and assemble our programs ourselves. On Friday night, Arthur and I penned what I believe to be a very cute, very appropriate, very us wording for the programs. We even found graphics, etc. to go with the theme. I was not a little pleased with our efforts. And then? And then we started the printing process. We began the attempt at roughly 10 PM on Friday. It is now Sunday evening and still the demon cardstock remains as pristine as when first purchased. Damn Martha Stewart and her "living." Damn the craft store that had those blasted things on clearance. And damn my own attempts at being frugal.




And you know you are in trouble when in the FAQ section, we have the following: Q: How do I know if my programs will print correctly? A: You should test it out to see if it will print correctly. End of story.

Sigh.

I won't be broken by these things. Good will triumph over evil. The righteous will conquer the unworthy. I will prevail.


Or we won't have programs. Perhaps, a herald or two instead?

Pineapple Martini Night

AKA My Bachelorette Party.

Well, my friends truly out did themselves in the planning my bachelorette party. Without giving away all the details, I am going to summarize what was one of the best night's of my life.

4:30 PM. I arrive at Samia's apartment (two buildings from mine) for a glass of wine and some cheese and pate (yummy-o).

5:15 PM. Janette arrives. More wine.

5:30 PM. We jump in a cab headed downtown. Janette and Samia decide they want to tell me what the night we be and then make a lot of stuff up. I don't buy it.

5:50 PM. We arrive at Central Bar. There is a table area reserved for us. I drink two extra dirty martinis.

6:45 PM. It is revealed to me that the DVD montage that Arthur created for me is not going to be shown due to technical difficulties. Very graciously, the hostes at offers us free shots to soften the blow. Then some magical Irishman gets it working. We still have the shots. The DVD is awesome. I laughed a lot and Arthur, as always, did a wonderful job.

7:00 PM?. We big our walk over to Lafayette street. I still have no clue what is going on.

7:15 PM. We arrive at the New York School of Burlesque where we are greeted by Gal Friday. She hands out long gloves and boas and teaches us several moves. She is fabulous. We are all excellent at it and decide to create our own burlesque club. Ok, that's not true. We do put tassles on our ta-tas and learn how to shake them. I am a pro already.

8:30 PM. Another cab. We get out at DBGB. I spot Tiki Barber in the very crowded dining room. We are shown to a private seating area. The hostess tells us we are their first bachelorette party. I am pretty sure this was our cue to take off our clothes or go find a stripper. We did neither. I feel that we disappointed her. In any event, we had a prix-fixe meal and the menu read, "Andrea's Bachelorette Party." The food was delicious and we all drank a lot of wine. We were also able to dock our own ipod, which was fun. The women all went around telling their first/favorite memory of me. It was so sweet and I, once again, realize how lucky I am.

I also get a tour of the kitchen, which was super cool. I still dream about the ice cream sundae....

11:00???PM: We take another cab to the Fat Black Pussy Cat. I am immediately accosted by a very drunk young man with very tight fitting clothing. He dances me around the room several times.

Then I order a pineapple martini. A bachelor party arrives. I am asked if one of the party can give me a lap dance. I say why not. He's embarassed, but it is funny. Some one of their party offers to buy me a drink. I ask for a pineapple martini. We dance a lot more. The boa continuously comes into play. Two more bachelorette parties show up. I don't like it. Not one bit. I dance go-go style on the table with some extra large gentlemen. More boa.


At one point, Janette, Eugenia and I go up to the bar and do about three shots because someone buys them for us. Then I get another pineapple martini. We dance a lot more. Another gentleman asks me to borrow my sash. I say ok, but then want it back. He buys me another pineapple martini. More dancing. More boa.

3:00???AM, I arrive home. I decide that since I hear Arthur move that he is awake. I perform my burlseque for him. Then, I pass out.

Altogether fabulous.

RSVP = Respondez Vous S'il Vous Plait (LET US KNOW IF YOU ARE COMING OR NOT!)

I have hear a lot of stories from various friends and acquaintances with regards to their wedding guests showing up/not showing up/bringing extra people/bringing uninvited children, etc.

I am not sure about what will actually happen on the day of the wedding yet (I'm hoping someone won't just show up or that friend x won't bring her five children - we actually don't know anybody with five children, but I like to use exaageration to my comedic advantage), but I do know that I find some guests lack of clarity as to their attendance very strange indeed. My response to their responses or absence there of:

A) Save the Dates were sent out in March
B) Wedding invitations were sent out at the end of July
C) RSVP date was clearly September 1st.
D) There was a response card on which one only had to check off attendance or regrets and write their name.
E) There was a stamp on the outside envelope of the response card (all you have to do is put it in the mailbox. You don't even need to seal it really. It isn't a secret).
F) After I have asked you about it 4 or 5 times, maybe you could come up with an answer.
G) No, I will not make your hotel reservations for you.
H) Yes, there are taxis in Long Island (we've had 'em here since 'round-a-bouts 1995, I s'pose).
I) Please don't be surprised that there is no vacancy at the place I explained only has 25 guest rooms six months ago.
j) At this point, you would have had to make dinner reservations for October 3, let alone respond to a wedding.

Ok. Glad to have gotten that out of my system.

Bachelor Party

Arthur has had his bachelor party. By all accounts it was a fun, shot-filled, laughter filled, gambling filled, afternoon/evening/morning of debauchery.

When I mentioned to people that Arthur was having this oh so many of wedding traditions, there was often a look of "oh, no! Are you ok with that?"

What is there to be ok with? How could I not be ok with it? I was not worried in the least when I kissed him farewell and told him to have a good time before he went off. I love and trust my future husband. If I didn't, then I would have absolutely no business marrying him.

In any event, I thought it would be fun to type up the text messages that I received from the boys the night of Arthur's bachelor party. Imagine these intermingled with my soon to be brother-in-law's facebook photo updates (mostly of himself).

Arthur: Heading out now. Ready for boobs, booze, and um, some gambling word that begins with boo, maybe bookies?

One they were on the train to Atlantic City:

Arthur: We are on our way. Love you and early apology for the night.

Friend #1: I'm sorry too.

My brother: Me too.

Future brother-in-law: We are all sorry.

My response: I feel those were insincere apologies at best. Have fun. Tell all I say hi and have fun and that they are not as sorry now as they will be!!! P.S. Remember mine is next weekend.

Arthur: I do. Bryan by the way just spilt beer. Funny.

Arthur: Friend #2 is close to being thrown off. :)

Friend #1: Not sincere??? I resemble that!

Me: You sure do!

Friend #1: You know we'll take care of him... :-)

Friend #1 Anyone know where we can get a hooker in Atlantic City? (Found out later that this text was NOT meant for me)

Me: I might have a few numbers. What did you have in mind?

Friend #1: You baby...come on down! Can you handle a donkey? Cause we paid a lot of money to get him there.

Arthur: Please give Friend #1 those numbers. It's for the other guys.

Arthur: Drunk already. Not off train. One thing for certain: love you so much. More love messages later!

See. Nothing to worry about.

Four Weeks and Counting

Some things that we've accomplished since my last post.

1) Arthur has a lovely suit.
2) Thanks to one of my loverly best women, hair and make-Up trials have been successfully accomplished. In fact, as I type this, I have more make-up on than I own and glitter in my hair. Might be xnaying the itter-glay.
It's been a while since I last wrote about our wedding preparations. Things have been moving along at lightening speed at this point.
3) Flowers for the bouquets and corsages have been purchased.
4) Most people have RSVP'd (but not all...it has a stamp on it, people!)
5) I have had two out of three of my fittings. Let me tell you, when I purchased the dress I thought it was wonderful, but after the seamstress worked her magic....I absolutely am head over heels in LOVE with the dress.
6) MOTB dress and shoes purchased
7) Wedding Jewelry purchased.
8) Presents for the women in the ceremony party have been purchased.
9) Gifts for those who are travelling purchased.
10)Finalized rehearsal dinner venue and put down a deposit on it.

As you can see, we've been busy, busy, busy wedding bees.

I want to it to just be here already. Four weeks seems like so far away and yet I know it will speed on by. I also find myself getting more and more excited about the big day. I worry that I am getting overly wrapped up in a lot of the craziness - both in my psyche and through my expenditures. My mind is more singularly focused on this day than I had anticipated. Luckily, my job does not allow the complete bridal machine take over of my mind. Yet, I find myself continuously handing over the credit card to buy "just one more" thing to make it "perfect." I am not perfect. Arthur is not perfect. In fact, we are pretty perfectly imperfect. I need to stay grounded and hold true to myself and remember what this really all about. Arthur finally getting health insurance. I kid.

Things I Swore I'd Never Do

Despite having trained for a half-marathon in March and continuing to train for another one in August, I found myself feeling like the pounds were creeping on. I am afraid I fell into the old, "I've just run 5 miles, I can eat whatever I want and however much I want of it" trap. I, therefore, decided that I needed some discipline. I re-joined Weight Watchers. As I submitted payment by typing in my American Express account number, I started thinking about how this is something I promised myself that I'd never do before my wedding. I swore up and down that I would not be one of those brides who insists that she lose 10 pounds before she walks down the aisle. "I am what I am," I proclaimed in my most feminist of tones. "This is just one day, an important day, but just one day. I refuse to succumb to those discourses which make women feel that they should look "better" on their wedding days." Anyway, sometimes I just need a little disciplining in my eating habits. This is probably the sixth time in my life that I have joined the big WW. One would say that shows how much it doesn't work, but it helps me get my balance to add my points and make sure I stick to them.


In any event, I've yo-yo'd since I've re-joined. We've given up the internet in our apartment, which hinders my obsessive tallying of points. Therefore, I haven't really done it in two weeks. Maybe it is a good thing and maybe it isn't. I'll guess we'll find out when I put on the dress. Either way, we're just going to have a good time celebrating that day and hopefully, nobody will be counting their points.

A Surprising Turn of Events

...caught your attention with that one. Didn't I?

My two best women - Janette and Samia have picked out their best women outfits. As you may or may not recall from previous blog entries, I have always been against assigning dresses to my "bridal party." I have purchased way too many "oh, you'll wear it again" dresses for hundreds of dollars. Besides, we were trying to be a little less formal, a little less "wedding-y." I wanted those participating intimately in this special event to feel their most comfortable, their most confident without breaking the bank. After one far in advance planned shopping trip during which we came up empty, we decided to do internet searches and reconvene. It turns out that David's Bridal - that's right, David's Bridal, of all places - had the most reasonable prices for flattering green dresses. Before venturing into the hotbed of all things wedding machine, we chose the color "clover" and the ladies tried on a bunch of short cocktail style dresses. They both chose the same dress. So suddenly the bride to be who was trying desperately not to dictate dress style or even color is scratching her head over the fact that her best women will be clad in David Bridal Couture. This is not their dress.

Speaking of which, after the best ladies chose their garments, I went back to David's Bridal (a different one in LI) a week later with my mother, two of my aunts and my cousin (the flower girl...is there a better genderlicious term for this? Flower girl sounds kind of nice). This would make the third time that I had an appointment with them. Yet, I could not get over the difference in the amount of attention I received from appointment A - looking for a bridal gown to appointment B - looking to purchase two "bridesmaids" dresses to appointment C - just shopping for a flower girl dress. The first time, I had a devoted attendant. She spent over an hour on me, getting me anything I wanted and helping me at every turn. The second time, the woman helped us out and proceeded to sketch pictures of naked women by the computer monitor (I kid not) until we needed her, but at least she was around. This last time really irked me. Our attendant walked us over the white dress flower girl area showed us where the size 10's were and watched us as we picked out a few dresses. She then took us to the fitting room and disappeared for the rest of the afternoon. We had to flag down another person to show us some of the other more colorful options. When we went up front to put some things on the "wish list," and asked about sizing, we were asked snottily, "well, did she try on the 10?" When I explained that nobody had been around to help us, the attitude continued.

You know, I'm not particularly sophisticated, but when the clerks at David's Bridal in Smithtown give you sass, it may be time to reassess some things.

We bought the flower girl dress at Burlington Coat factory for less than half of what the evil people at DB were going to charge. Take that! This is NOT Sarah's dress. I just thought this image was slightly creepy. Thought we could open up the floor to the implications of projecting images of young girls as brides...any takers?

Anyway, as the fates would have it, we might have to go back to DB. We liked one of the dresses for my mother. She looked beautiful in a Sapphire blue number with a lacy top. Maybe Burlington Coat Factory will have a better deal on that one too. At the very least, since we do not need to make an appointment or have someone pretend to help us, we won't be disappointed with the service.

I'm All Showered

While I tend to not care for (ok, deplore) many of the "traditions" surrounding the modern wedding, there are quite a few to which I have been looking forward. One of them being my bridal shower. I just think that there is something very cool about a women only event where all generations gather around to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one women. It seems so very Rent Tent. I never really minded going to them, had a lot of fun throwing them and was really looking forward to mine.

About a month ago, at a work happy hour, Co-worker A unintentionally let it slip that she had received "my shower invitation." Co-worker B promptly hit her. "I didn't know it was supposed to be a surprise!" declared Co-worker A. I assured her that I knew that I wasn't going to get one and still had no idea when. Then we went back to drinking.

This got my wheels spinning, of course. I had not even been thinking about my shower at the end of May since the wedding was still over four months. Then, being my overly analytical/obsessive self, I started to nitpick away at all the possible dates. I settled in on one in particular and given certain things that were said throughout the next few weeks, I felt pretty certain about it. But I didn't want to know! I started asking questions to get people to tell me that it wasn't that date because I wanted so badly to be truly surprised. To everyone's credit, they were good at trying to throw me off track. One friend even sent me a fake Shower invitation so that I would not go to hers and have that day open. The ruse was that we were going bridal dress shopping for another friend, Samia, and were going to surprise her with champagne to celebrate her engagement.

In any event, irregardless of any correct assumption on my part or presence or lack of surprise, my friends and mother threw me the best bridal shower ever.

It was held in the common room of friend, Eugenia's apartment building. When I walked in with my friend, Gabi, I guess no one was expecting me because they were all just standing around chatting. Slowly, people started to see me. I went back out and came back in so they could take "surprised" pictures. As I made my rounds, saying hi and giving hugs and kisses, I began to notice all the little, perfect details. There were green table cloths and red and green cups and plates, beautiful garnet, white and green center pieces made by my mother, Turkish food (falafel, tahini, tzasiki, pita, cheese cigars and taramasalata) along with tomato, mozzarella salad, green salad with cranberries, nuts and feta and a hero, as well as all sorts of drinks (most importantly wine).

My cousin Sarah gave me a corsage, which was very thoughtful and sweet.

Then the special guest star, who turned out not to be a stripper, but a baker arrived. Veronica taught the guests to decorate lingerie cookies (matching panties (I hate that word) and bra sets, bustiers and nightgowns). There were also some animals and flowers for the kids.



She then proceeded to give me a private lesson in making a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. It was so much fun and right up my alley. I felt like I was on a cooking show. All the ingredients were measured ahead of time and after I poured the batter into the baking sheet, Veronica swapped it out for the cooked version. The finished product was not sampled until Arthur and I got home that evening, but it was delicious - as you can see from the amount missing that very same night!



Later on, there was more cake and then the opening of presents. During this event, my future sister-in-law, Jen, asked the crowd questions about my relationship with Arthur. I think the most significant question was the "When did Arthur know Andrea was the one?" The answer? When I was able to identify from another room that particular light saber sounds were from The Empire Strikes Back (not A New Hope or Return of the Jedi). I'm pretty sure I appalled some people by that reveal and may have lost a few guests for October...

Anyway, everyone was sweet and generous and it was all a great deal of fun. All the guests got to take home the lingerie cookies they made as well as these "Turkish" tea jars made by Janette.


I am one lucky woman to have so many amazing women in my life.

P.S. I took most of the photos with my new digital camera given to me by my parents for the shower.

Hey DJ, Pump this Party

It has finally been done. We have finally booked a DJ. There will be music at the wedding. People will dance. They will not need to do their best rendition of Madonna's Like a Virgin or Outkast's Hey Ya. And I think I can safely say that we are all happy that my father won't be singing any Neil Sedaka or CCR. As it turns out, said booked DJ is Art's friend's sister's uncle's cousin's room mates' third cousin once removed (I forget what the actual relationship is) and so therefore we are giving money to someone with whom we sort of have a connection. We were just about to book with the Pros when we finally managed to get in touch with this guy, Rob. Now, I'm sure the Pros DJ would've rocked the house, I felt like we were settling as we had not met the dude and were only truly considering him because of the cost. We were also struggling over whether or not it was worth $200 more for the cocktail hour. Lo and behold are newest vendor costs less for 5 hours than the Pros DJ was going to charge for 4 hours (already a real bargain after having shopped around for a while). To further our good fortune, October 3 was the only available date in October that Rob had open. It is nice that something turned in our favor.

As my mother mentioned, he is another definite to go towards our 100 guest minimum.


Eh. As long as he's got the Grease remix, we'll feed him.

Maybe I Should Return My Midriff Baring Mini-Skirt Wedding Ensemble?

Check out the Newsweek article on how slutty modern brides have become here. : http://www.newsweek.com/id/200495?gt1=43002 and the Feministing response.

I find this part amusing: "While most sociologists agree that women admitting to lust and wanting to be sexually empowered is a good thing, they see a problem with making exhibitionism the centerpiece of the wedding ceremony: it might crowd out other aspects of the marriage."

What else is the modern wedding if not an exhibition? Why else do people pay tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars for a one day event? Why else do women daydream their whole lives over the perfect, fairy tale wedding (whether or not she wears a "princess" dress or a slinky Vivienne Westwood gown)? Why else spend months painstakingly picking out linens, shoes, favors, invitations, flowers, etc.? I think Newsweek missed the mark here.

The Response to the Atlantic article

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The Sandrah Tsing Loh article doesn't necessarily paint modern marriage in a positive light nor does it go beyond traditional gender discourses, but the Feministing response is a good one. I also look forward to their marriage forum.

Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off - The Atlantic (July/August 2009)

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A Cake Made in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...

I just thought this was cute: Back to the Future Wedding Cake. It was found on Serious Eats.

If we had unlimited funds to go to one of these ultra fancy bakeries and wedding cake designers, I would want a Star Wars cake.




The R2D2 groom's cake is cute, but they still have Jedi Knight cake toppers on the actual wedding cake. These two are probably die hard fans.



I think they just put the Hasbro figures on the top. It is still a good idea.




This is my favorite except that I find it slightly creepy that Leia and Luke are getting married. Ummm...did this couple see Return of the Jedi?

What would your fun, fantasy cakes look like?

Now, It's Istanbul

Or is it Constantinople?



My renewed passport has arrived (Arthur's hasn't...hmm....maybe he really cannot leave the country), our airline tickets are bought, our tour is booked. We even have travel insurance. I guess this means we are actually going on a honeymoon.

So now, what's left?

1) Finalize music issue (yes, dear readers, amazingly that issue has yet to be resolved)
2) Figure out what we are doing about the rehearsal dinner (see above parenthetical side note)
3) Buy stamps, print out and mail invitations
4) Get the bridal party gussied up (in other words, find their dresses and then corresponding outfits for men)
5) Create wedding centerpieces
6) Create guest bags
7) Purchase and design silk flower creations
8) Buy shoes for wedding dress
9) Buy accessories for wedding dress
10) Get fittings done
11) Buy a suit and shoes for Arthur (as well as a rehearsal dinner outfit)
12) Write ceremony
13) Write vows
14) Get a marriage license
15) Determine if we are doing favors or not
16) Determine if we are doing a first dance and what our song will be
17) Buy presents for bridal party

It is a long list. I'm sure it could/should be longer, but Top Chef Masters is about to start.

The Elusive Dress

Yesterday, my two best women and I traveled to Roosevelt Field Mall to explore its nooks and crannies and find dresses for them. Arthur and I want our colors for the wedding to be peridot and garnet (the colors of our birthstones). At first, as you may have read before, we were more or less going to let the best women and best men wear whatever they felt comfortable in. This is still very important to us, but we may try to have the women in one color and the men wear ties in the other color. First, though, we need to find the dresses.

After planning this day months ago, we were all anxious to get out there and start shopping. So we made the logical first stop. The food court, of course! Hey. There were free samples. And, well, one needs sustenance in order to walk around the mall for hours. Don't judge!

Anyway, after a quick lunch and discussion over day before wedding activities (J found a great reflexology place in LI and we no plan to make appointments), we were off.

We went to Bloomingdales, Macy's, Nordstrom's, JC Penny, Ann Taylor, J. Crew and Jessica McClintock. This list is neither in order nor complete.

When we walked into our first store, we noticed that pea soup green is quite in and we all mocked it, as women do when they shop. We moved on to to try to find clover greens, grass greens, seafoam greens or apple greens. Need more green references? Click here. Nothing was wowing us. There were sun dresses and "maxi" dresses and formal gowns, but there seemed to be a dearth of cute green cocktail dresses in most of the stores.

Then J found a dress that looked very good on her. Guess what color it was? Pea soup green! She bought it! The next challenge was to find a dress that complimented it for S. Do you know how hard it is to find a dress that does not clash with pea soup green? You don't know. It's pretty freakin' hard.


Meanwhile, we stepped into Jessica McClintock for kicks and trips down prom memory lane. It turned out that they had a dress with both green and garnet! It was really funky and when J handed it to me, I laughed at first and joked that I should be in Moulin Rouge. I tried it on, it fit and looked good. It was also 25% off. I bought it for the rehearsal dinner. Note: that is not at all settled and I was a bit worried about wearing such an ensemble to Rib City. I mean is it weird to wear a fancy cocktail dress to a place that has a carton character display of the animal you about to eat? My best women convinced me that my concerns were unwarranted, that it was just about the only time I could wear something like that and I got over it. It is now safely ensconced at J's place so that Arthur cannot see it. Did you know the tradition is that it is bad luck for the groom to see the rehearsal dinner dress before the rehearsal?

Anyway, we left the mall feeling slightly unsatisfied in regards to our original quest. We had to make this past shopping date about two months ago because of everyone's schedule, so I fear it will take just as long to do it again. In the mean time, there will be lots of on-line shopping.

Four Months and Counting...

According to my mother's monthly text message, we're just four months away from tying the knot. That's right, folks. Four months from today, we'll be bustin' a move on the dance floor of the Three Village Inn. What song will it be? The electric slide? The chicken dance? YMCA? The Grease montage? Oh, please let it be the Grease montage. Please. Please. Please.

In actual fact, we don't have the music situation squared away yet so it might just be rounds of row row row your boat. Maybe I can dig up some old mixed tapes.

So where are we at within the wedding count down list?

Side note, there are approximately thirty bridal related magazines at the bodega at the 34th Street Path station. There were even several on getting engaged. I don't really understand what is in that magazine. I don't think I want to know. Anyway, according to various wedding expert sources, we should:

1) Book the rehearsal dinner and day after brunch venues. We're working on that one. We know where the post-wedding brunch will be. My childhood abode. Thanks mom and dad. The rehearsal dinner is another story. We have one place in mind because of its proximity to the wedding venue and affordability. However, at the end of the day, since we are paying for most of this ourselves, it is still just another expense. Then there is the question of the guest list. Do we invite all out of town guests? How can we possibly afford that? Do we just invite those actually in the wedding and close family and let all of those who traveled far to be with us fend for themselves?

2) Check on the wedding invitations. "Umm....hi, costco....umm...are they ready?"

3) Select and order the cake. Attend several tastings. Cake. Yummy. Well, it is included at the Inn. Too bad. We like to taste.

4) Purchase shoes and start dress fittings. Well, my first fitting is not until August. I'm thinking gold. I like the Manolos below, but I'm not Carrie Bradshaw so if anyone sees some knock offs, let me know!

5) Schedule hair and makeup artists. Luckily, one of my best women volunteered.

6) Choose songs. Grease montage!

7) Plan welcome baskets for guests, if desired. What says Long Island? How does one get a thick accent into a welcome basket? Seriously, they are desired. We have some ideas.

In any event, it is nice to see that without having looked at the "lists" in a while, that we are looking pretty good.

Grease is the word!

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

Marriage equality in New Hampshire!

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Feminist Thoughts On Marriage Norms

They are not my thoughts, but thought I would share. Check out this blog entry posted on Feministing.com called Marriage Norms for the Twenty-First Century.

I would add busting up the wedding industry that is allowed to bleed brides and grooms dry all to create that "perfect" day that can, I imagine, never quite live up to expectations. Furthermore, we need to counter the discourses that proclaim the "wedding day" as the most important day in a hetero girl/woman's life, while the hetero boy/man simply shows up because he has more important things to do/worry about.

A Slice of Turkey

So our current honeymoon focus is now Turkey. Insert my father's more than likely corny poultry joke here. Tooling around on the internet, in my quest to find a cheaper way to have an amazing honeymoon, I came upon European Destinations, which is actually a very cool website. It allows for multiple city bookings. On it, I found an interesting itinerary including Dubai, Istanbul and Athens. A full-fledged mostly inclusive close to nine night honeymoon seems to be able to be had at about $5,000. This is a heck of a lot less than what we were finding for Morocco (I think this is mainly based upon airfare).

So this got us thinking. I mentioned it to a few friends. Dubai got a few interesting reactions, but over all the more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Yesterday, Arthur and I set ourselves down in the corner of the Bible section of Barnes and Noble (by the way, if you are looking for the King James version B&N is not the place to go) and poured through the travel guides on the UAE, Turkey and Greece. We read up on Dubai and while interesting, I wasn't sure it was where I wanted us to spend our honeymoon. Beyond that, it is cheaper to stay in one country. While Arthur really wanted to go to Greece, it seemed the most frugal to stick with Turkey.

I have often heard that Turkey is the poor person's Greece. Besides, the more I find out about ancient ruins, bazaars, Turkish baths (eyebrow wiggle), small seaside towns and look at the photos of the Bosphorus, "fairy chimneys," calcium cliffs and natural rock castles, the more I want to spend our honeymoon there.

We have gotten a few quotes from some tour agencies and right now we are leaning towards one that is based out of Turkey called Online Turkey Tours





(note: they have that ever present logo that seems to be on every New York City bus). I like that they are Turkish (does the logo make it more legit or am I just a sucker for marketing?) and they seem very accommodating.

It is not a "tour" tour, they just arrange everything for you, which is another great thing. Anyway, it is my current obsession. Arthur is probably sick of all the e-mail updates and findings, but he's taking it all in stride.

After all, in about four months, he is marrying me.