Oh, Chrissy! How could you have forsaken us?

Wedding news!


I had a voice mail message today from John (or Frank or something else...I want it to be one of those, but I don't actually remember the name) at the Three Village Inn. The message said that Chrissy, our catering manager and one of the reasons we booked that particular venue, has "moved on." He rang to introduce himself and set up a meeting. It was a very nice, thoughtful phone call.

And yet....How could she? Was it something we said? I told Arthur not to make the midget joke. They are called little people, Mr. politically incorrect. Why do I feel betrayed by Chrissy? It is like dating someone for six months only to find out by their best friend during 6th period lunch that they are with someone else! Did our time together mean nothing to her? I feel used. Cheap and used. And a little dirty.







Think we might be able to swing a discount?





P.S.
Sorry the Bachelor re-cap is so slow in coming. Never fear. I have not succumbed to the taunts of Anonymous. Suck it, anonymous. I just haven't gotten to watch it all the way through yet!

You oughta be in pictures

So today begins our meetings with photographers. It is a duty to which I have not necessarily been looking forward. I know how much these things can cost and I also know how we have the negative of that cost. I think too that this is the first thing that we have to seriously consider that feels like it falls into the typical wedding category. I ranted against being typical when it came to our wedding and so far, though, I think we are both happy with our choices and we are by no means going over the top, we have succumbed to some aspects of it. (I am wearing a white-ish dress!) While part of me wants to just let people go to town taking pictures and hope that we can group together some coherent album of the event, the other part of me knows how disappointing those pictures can be when you actually look at them the next day. We are going to want to have a few quality photos later on and we are going to want to have someone do that for us.

That having been said, I have found some reasonable "packages" on-line and so now the quest begins. At the beginning of the week, I had planned it to be a whole intensive weekend of meetings both in Long Island and in NYC. Since I know myself pretty well at the age of 33, I recognize that I have this medium-level compulsive behavior when it comes to any sort of personal planning. Yet, I think I act this way for a reason. I understand how busy both Arthur and I tend to be and I want to make sure that we get as much in as possible. Plus, I don't want to have to schlep back and forth to Long Island fifty million times if it can be avoided. However, after realizing that we do have some time, that I had a very full day on Saturday, that Arthur had a weekend project to take care of and after two nights of work related drinking, we decided to just do the city meetings today and to postpone the island ones for a weekend when we aren't so crazy. That was quite the relief and, knowing we didn't have to catch the LIRR in the morning, led to heavier drinking than was anticipated on Saturday night.

In any event, today we meet with:

Shira and Hannah from Bella Pictures.

I expect that these will be two totally different meetings. Shira is an independent photographer working only for herself. I found her at Indiebridie.com. Hannah is a consultant from Bella pictures who will create a package for us and match us up with a photographer based on our needs and personalities. If that's the case, she or he will do it for free, will know instinctively who to target in the photographs and won't take any pictures like this:

Response to Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

This website is exclusively about whatever Arthur and I choose to write about. I'm sorry if you are offended by my musings on The Bachelor. It amuses me and so I will continue to do so in between my rants, raves, laughs, observations and epiphanies about the days leading up to our wedding. Don't read them if it bothers you so very much. Unsubscribe if you must. Or don't. Read a little, maybe you'll end up being The Bachelor's biggest fan!

Being Pretty and Being Smart Is Not Enough

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 3

"Did you just look at my boobs?" Erica, bachelorette

This was a much more watchable episode. It seemed to be that there was a lot more action and a lot less filler. Admittedly, that could just be my latent penchant for drama, but here we go.

The episode begins with the women hanging out on the couch in their P.J.'s. Chris Hansen, our beloved host, comes in to explain what the week will hold for them. There will be 2 one-on-one dates (the women chosen for this sort of date will have to have their bags packed) and one group date. Megan is quick to point out that she wants a one-on-one date because "I didn't come all this way and leave my son to hang out with a bunch of girls."

Stephanie (the one with drawn-in eyebrows and a 4 year old daughter) is chosen for the first one-on-one date. They stroll along the beach and out of nowhere a child appears - lo and behold! It is Sophia, Stephanie's daughter. Stephanie was overcome because "Jason brought Sophia to [her]." Ummm....She does know that she's on the Bachelor, right? It probably wasn't even his idea. The rest of the date was a sugar coated love fest - first on the beach and then at Legoland (I'd imagine that ABC/Disney owns that place or at least is a major shareholder). During lunch, Stephanie, whom despite her lack of eyebrows has endeared herself to me thus far, says the following, "I want a man that I can take of and help make his life easier when he comes through the door." Arrgh. That hit me where it hurts. She redeemed herself somewhat when she said that's just how her parents were to each other. In a rather sweet moment, she kisses his arm as he lights the candles on Sophia's birthday cake. In the end, Jason gives Stephanie a Lego rose.



I can't help but feeling, however, that she will be one of the next to go. She seems way too into the idea of creating a new family to fill the hole left by her husband's untimely death. Their connection, at this point, seems mostly based upon their children and I have dated enough men to know that sweet does not equal keep. Am I right? If you like it, put a ring on it. Don't give it a lego rose.

So the next date is a group date. Jason lets us know that while yesterday was all about family, today is all about boobs...I mean sexy. The date includes Shannon, Naomi, Jillian, Kari, Nikki, Erica, Megan and Melissa. They go to an art studio of an organization called Keep Abreast. (They could not MADE up a more perfect charity for Jason!) They make busts of your torso and paint them and sell them to benefit breast cancer patients.

There are some suggestive shots of the women getting their busts made and Jason gets to lay one on Shannon who was over the moon about it.



As Jason struts around without his shirt on, the women design and paint their pieces.



My favorite moment of this date was when Megan contemplates what the loss of breasts mean. She asks if you can breast feed once you have a mastectomy and contemplates what that means for the human race. She wants to paint a fetus on the bust because the fetus feeds from the breast...uh...no they don't. She states that people, "don't understand half of her depth," (I beg to differ) and realizes that "we're screwed" if women can't breastfeed. Huh.

Later that night, the women and Jason...can you guess? Come on...three guesses...drink more alcohol! You got it in one! Good for you! He has several conversations that can be summed up as follows: Melissa had breast reduction surgery to which Jason responds "can you imagine what the bust would have looked like if you hadn't?" Megan to Jason that she lives her life to serve other people. "The past few weeks when I haven't had someone thank me, appreciate me or praise god that I'm in their life has been driving me crazy." She really understands the meaning of selfish good works. She really does. Then there was an awkward convo with Nikki when there was silence because she ran out of things to say. Jillian and Jason jumped up and down on a bed and then proceeded to have conversation that Jason says is "easy." Jillian ends up getting the rose (yeah! She's one of my favorites). Jason describes this group date as being filled with passion and fun. I think he forgot to say "and breasts" because I know he was thinking it.

The next one-on-one date is Natalie's. When Jason arrives, she keeps him waiting for a while as continues to get ready. This is a no-no, according to Melissa. When she comes downstairs, he surprises her with over a million dollars worth of jewels. He tells her later on that his favorite moment of the date was watching her face when she saw the diamonds. I think that should tell you something. Anyway, in the confessional, we get Shannon waxing psychological about how Jason wants a woman who is more grounded and secure...this is pretty amusing to me considering that she is somewhat like stalker lady and because of what happens during the rest of the show. I digress.

Jason and Natalie drink champagne in the limo to the jet to Las Vegas to the helicopter tour of Sin City. I can't help but be off put by her uber tan. She also cannot stop playing with her hair. Girlfriend, come on. In any event, I feel like it is obvious that she is not someone he is going to end up with, especially when he asks her, "I know you like fashion, shopping and shoes, but what else do you like?" Her response? "I love bears."



As they slurp down oysters on the half shell (again? Jason...is there something we should garner from this?), he says over and over how he is attracted to her, but hopes there is more. They go to Jet nightclub and have a private concert by Kate Vogel. (Who?) Natalie wants him to kiss her, but he doesn't. That's when he knew that he just didn't feel more (because let's be honest, he kisses everyone). He picks up the rose, but then tells her he can't give it to her. Bad form, Jason. Cut to the mansion. When the man comes to pick up Natalie's bags, the women go running and screaming. Ugh. Why all the running and the screaming?

Natalie is angry, though. She calls him out about picking up the rose and tells him that there are a lot of women in the house that are bad people. The jewels are taken away and she tells him she is done and gets in the limo. There, she asks, "who does he think he is? God?" Then a very obvious "Fuck you, asshole" is bleeped out. Good for you, Natalie. Good for you.

The women are not upset that Natalie does not come back. The majority of them feel that if he could choose her then, he's not for them. During the rose ceremony night, Jason is slightly obsessed with Natalie's departing comment about the bad people in the house. He asks Naomi about it and to her credit, she does not mention anyone and changes the subject. Then they make out. Nikki, who is afraid she is coming off as too high strung and wearing another boob-a-licious dress, decides she is going to show him her fun side. She then proceeds to tell him that she labels everything and the toothbrush needs to be next to the mouthwash, but it's not crazy. Nope. Not crazy at all. Of course, I'm no doctor, but I kind of feel that people who are crazy don't ever say that they are crazy. She goes to kiss his cheek and he grabs her face and kisses her fo rizzle. Guess he likes the crazy or label makers turn him on. One or the other.

When talking to Erica, Jason stares directly at her breasts only meaning, he claims later, to look at the "color of her dress." She asks him, "did you just look at my boobs?" He doesn't deny it, but only says, "at least we can laugh about it." He talks to Lauren and tells her that Natalie was mad, probing her for information. Lauren tattles on Erica and Megan and calls them drama queens. The editors want to make it look like Megan overheard everything, but she never directly confronts Lauren so I don't think she did.

Before the rose ceremony, Chris Hansen, generously and without any intent in making more drama, tells the women that he wants them to "clear the air." The women have a bit of a squabble and then Shannon walks away saying "I hate it here," We hear what sounds like regurgitation, a toilet flushes and we go to commercial. She rejoins us and the rose ceremony begins. He gives Shannon a rose, but waits until almost the last. I feel that knowing that the girl just puked from the stress of it all, and knowing you were giving her a rose anyway, why wouldn't you give it to her first to relieve her anxiety? Kari, whom we hardly got to know and Erica, whom I feel like I've known in a previous life and didn't like, do not get a rose and lose "their chance of love with Jason forever." He gives Megan a rose, which surprised me, but didn't surprise me because, after all, it is ABC's The Bachelor.

First comes love...Then comes...

What comes in between love and marriage?

People keep asking me what is new in my wedding world. I don't have much to tell them. I haven't had anything to say since I bought my dress in early December. And even though it is lovely and perfect, I'm not one to go on and on about it. Did I mention that it is lovely and perfect?

It makes me feel a little guilty - like I should be doing something, like I should have something more to tell them. What should be new? I suppose that my musings on The Bachelor are not enough to warrant more than an uncomfortable smile from anyone I try to divert. The bridal checklists say things like "10 - 8 months before: browse this, shop around for that, keep a record of this..." "6 months before: make this, buy that, pay for this..."



These checklists are, in fact, helpful, but at the end of the day, I know that we need to a) find someone to take a few photos that look good and that don't cost us any first borns or the like b) buy some pretty paper letting everyone know where and when to be and c) find someway to get good, danceable music playing on October 3rd. Of course, there is still d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, x, y, z, aa, bb, cc...x^2, x^3-1, A=1/2bh, etc., but I have chosen to narrow our immediate wedding concerns down to a, b, and c so that I can be calm, cool and collected before we get to all the factorization and geometry.

I felt like I forced myself to watch this one....

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 2

"I've dated enough sauerkrauts." - Jillian, Bachelorette (No. It's not an ethnic slur about German people circa 1940).

ABC really needs to get their creative juices flowing. There is no need for that show to be two hours long. Honestly, it is veryobvious that they don't have enough material when they begin the episode with a 10 minute re-cap of last week's episode.

In any event, there were some good moments, but more importantly there were quite a few moments about which to make fun.

The host, Chris, introduces the women to the house that they will be living (and have doubtless seen on tv numerous times). He then goes through the rules with them - group dates, one on one dates, etc., but he adds a new twist. Not every woman will go on a date every week! Gasp! I know! The producers must have been thinking, "How can we make the atmosphere even more tense? How can we make the women act more stereotypically catty and awful towards each other?" Genius, Bachelor producers. Genius.

Later on, when the women all happen to be in their tiniest weeniest bikinis, Jason "surprises" the ladies. And the drinking begins. And continued. Then they did a weirdo slow-mo thing of Jason taking off his shirt. And then the drinking continued.

Jason describes both Jillian (one of my favorites) and Shannon (slightly stalkerish with a penchant for throwing ice cubes) as "fun." When Stefanie realizes that she is not getting any alone time, she takes the advice of Nikki (one of my other favorites) and brings Jason a drink poolside whilst he is talking to Natalie. She stands there awkwardly for a few minutes, unwilling to interrupt. She goes back to seat with the women, defeated. But in a nice, sisterly, moment, the women cheer her on and applaud her efforts. Later on, when Natalie is crying over not being given the rose during the "pool party," Raquel comforts her and tells her not to allow others to dictate her emotions. Wow. Some girl power on the Bachelor? Nah. Don't be silly.

As the women were sitting around awaiting the 411 on the upcoming dates, I noticed that one of them was slurping on some Ramen noodles. Really? Really, ABC? Really?

So Jason goes on a romantic date with Jillian to Disney Hall (It's good to be the king) and they are serenaded by Robin Thicke, whom I can only imagine is Alan Thicke's son. If you saw him. You'd understand. They kiss. Jason and Jillian. Not Jason and Robin Thicke. Sorry if that was unclear.



When Jillian is asked if they kissed, she says yes. This upsets Melissa.

The next day (at least in Bachelor land), Jason and Melissa eat oysters on the beach and take a ride in a blimp and see LA from the sky. They kiss.

The next night, 8 women get taken on a shopping spree date. Jason says, "go crazy." And some of the women are in awe of a man taking them shopping like that. Ummm....Do you think they know that he is not really paying? They then go on a "romantic" date to a boutique hotel. Where, lo and behold, they hang out and drink. Poolside. In skimpy bikinis. They put on a cute talent show and then it is followed by Molly wanting to show Jason, her "real talent." Her real talent? Kissing. So, of course, they kiss. Then Naomi takes a little one on one time with him, claiming to be his friend. They kiss.

After the 8 one 1 date, Raquel "sneaks" into the limo to talk to Jason. It's awkward and about 15 seconds and ends with Jason saying, "well, thanks for talking to me." They hug, but don't kiss.

During the evening of the rose ceremony, Lisa tells Jason that she has to go home because her grandmother has terminal cancer. The response to this by the other women? Such caring one-liners as "one less person that I have to worry about" and "as long as I get a rose, I don't care." Viva La Sisterhood!

Though, I don't like Meghan that much, I do agree that Molly should not have taken Jason away when she already had a rose. This event makes emotions fly high and Erica, clearly three sheets to the wind, and Meghan go at it.

Meanwhile, Jason states several times that many of the women have "amazing qualities," as the camera pans up Nikki's body, focusing on her breasts.

In the end, Raquel and some woman who is a teacher whose name I can't remember were not given roses. They have lost their chance at love, but at least they won't have to eat 99 cent Ramen noodles anymore.



I really enjoyed the scene of the women putting on a fashion show as the credits rolled. It was the best part and is evidence that women are not just the catty bitches that the producers and editors of this program would have us believe. They are many things. Why can't they put that IN the program instead of tormenting us with re-caps and slow moving rose ceremonies?

Wedding Related TV Fun!

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 1

"My vision boards are real." - Renee, bachelorette

When I first heard that Jason Mesniak from last season's Bachelorette was the newest bachelor, I was a little surprised. They rarely bring back a bachelor (especially after America's love affair with bachelor Bob Guiney turned sour when he was the one holding the roses (or the power, as Chris so eloquently put it this evening). I do admit, however, that I was cheering for DeAnna to pick the single dad last go 'round. So I was definitely going to tune in.



When the sunset and soft music began rolling this evening, I knew that this would be the most romantic season ever! At least that is what the narrator said. It begins with a recap of what happened with DeAnna and how Jason's heart was broken. In the end, it was okay, though, because he was able to love again. And that's why he is going on this journey and taking his son to LA, "the perfect place to find the woman of [his] dreams." After we decide that we are on Jason's side and hate Dionna all over again, we have about 2 -3 minutes of the obligatory shirtless workout and getting dressed scenes. All the bachelorettes think he is the hottest father ever! Is there such a thing as a DILF???? In any event, Jason states ephatically that "I know I'll meet my future wife." Have you no knowledge of the turn out of all the other seasons of the Bachelor? Way to hold strong Trista and Ryan! Anyway, we finally get to "meet" the "girls." I immediately root for the 30 and older crowd, of which there are three (Jason is 32) and pick out some other favorites. Because I am obviously insecure in my "this is what a feminist looks like t-shirt" and lounge pants, I pick out their flaws - too young, no real eyebrows, crazy bug eyes, the creation of vision boards....





When they get Jason to the mansion, the scene of many of his not so distant once in a lifetime memories, Chris reminds him sweetly that he's not so lucky at love. "Thanks, Chris," Jason says in a somewhat awkward moment. Many commercials later (or at least it seemed like it), the women come screaming (literally) in their limos to the mansion. During the arrival of the 25 "beautiful women," ranging in age from 23 - 36 years, as well as in the degree of spray-on tans, we learn that all the women are "there for him," that Jason is not immune to very low cut dresses and that potatoes come from Idaho. Then bring on the party and the drinking! They even did shots! That was a first as far as I can remember. I mean, we know that the producers are constantly supplying them with alcohol to get better tv, but shots? Is this Rock of Love? I am always amazed at the gumption of the women to go and steal some "one on one time" with the bachelor. If that wasn't enough, ABC decided to spice things up a little bit this time by having the women choose one among them whom they would like to get rid of. Of course, there was the pretense of voting off the woman who was "not right for Jason" or "not there for the right reasons," but let's be honest, they were going to kick off the one they didn't like or saw as their greatest threat. But before I reveal the results of that lovely endeavour by ABC to feed into the catty, let's talk about the first impression rose. It was given to the woman whom Jason drooled over as she walked out of the limo - Nikki, the administrative assistant and former beauty queen. Way to set the feminist movement back forty years there, Jason. Shortly there after, Chris announces the three women who received the most votes from the other women - Jackie, Melissa and Meghan. Only....the jokes on them! Meghan, with the most votes, gets a rose tonight! She turns around and calls them all assholes. Where is Brett Michaels????



"Who will get a rose and who will lose their chance at love FOREVER?" The narrator asks us right before a commercial break. Jason knows that he is "looking for a kind heart" and big boobs. And that all "the qualities [I'm] atrracted to are all in that room," especially the boobs. Jason conducts his first rose ceremony with, of course, Chris reminding him when the final rose is about to be given out. I agreed with some of his choices and not with some others. All in all, though, it was a pretty boring episode that could have been condensed into one hour. Of course, the narrator did say it was going to be the most dramatic season ever. He's never been wrong before.