Wedding Related TV Fun!

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 1

"My vision boards are real." - Renee, bachelorette

When I first heard that Jason Mesniak from last season's Bachelorette was the newest bachelor, I was a little surprised. They rarely bring back a bachelor (especially after America's love affair with bachelor Bob Guiney turned sour when he was the one holding the roses (or the power, as Chris so eloquently put it this evening). I do admit, however, that I was cheering for DeAnna to pick the single dad last go 'round. So I was definitely going to tune in.



When the sunset and soft music began rolling this evening, I knew that this would be the most romantic season ever! At least that is what the narrator said. It begins with a recap of what happened with DeAnna and how Jason's heart was broken. In the end, it was okay, though, because he was able to love again. And that's why he is going on this journey and taking his son to LA, "the perfect place to find the woman of [his] dreams." After we decide that we are on Jason's side and hate Dionna all over again, we have about 2 -3 minutes of the obligatory shirtless workout and getting dressed scenes. All the bachelorettes think he is the hottest father ever! Is there such a thing as a DILF???? In any event, Jason states ephatically that "I know I'll meet my future wife." Have you no knowledge of the turn out of all the other seasons of the Bachelor? Way to hold strong Trista and Ryan! Anyway, we finally get to "meet" the "girls." I immediately root for the 30 and older crowd, of which there are three (Jason is 32) and pick out some other favorites. Because I am obviously insecure in my "this is what a feminist looks like t-shirt" and lounge pants, I pick out their flaws - too young, no real eyebrows, crazy bug eyes, the creation of vision boards....





When they get Jason to the mansion, the scene of many of his not so distant once in a lifetime memories, Chris reminds him sweetly that he's not so lucky at love. "Thanks, Chris," Jason says in a somewhat awkward moment. Many commercials later (or at least it seemed like it), the women come screaming (literally) in their limos to the mansion. During the arrival of the 25 "beautiful women," ranging in age from 23 - 36 years, as well as in the degree of spray-on tans, we learn that all the women are "there for him," that Jason is not immune to very low cut dresses and that potatoes come from Idaho. Then bring on the party and the drinking! They even did shots! That was a first as far as I can remember. I mean, we know that the producers are constantly supplying them with alcohol to get better tv, but shots? Is this Rock of Love? I am always amazed at the gumption of the women to go and steal some "one on one time" with the bachelor. If that wasn't enough, ABC decided to spice things up a little bit this time by having the women choose one among them whom they would like to get rid of. Of course, there was the pretense of voting off the woman who was "not right for Jason" or "not there for the right reasons," but let's be honest, they were going to kick off the one they didn't like or saw as their greatest threat. But before I reveal the results of that lovely endeavour by ABC to feed into the catty, let's talk about the first impression rose. It was given to the woman whom Jason drooled over as she walked out of the limo - Nikki, the administrative assistant and former beauty queen. Way to set the feminist movement back forty years there, Jason. Shortly there after, Chris announces the three women who received the most votes from the other women - Jackie, Melissa and Meghan. Only....the jokes on them! Meghan, with the most votes, gets a rose tonight! She turns around and calls them all assholes. Where is Brett Michaels????



"Who will get a rose and who will lose their chance at love FOREVER?" The narrator asks us right before a commercial break. Jason knows that he is "looking for a kind heart" and big boobs. And that all "the qualities [I'm] atrracted to are all in that room," especially the boobs. Jason conducts his first rose ceremony with, of course, Chris reminding him when the final rose is about to be given out. I agreed with some of his choices and not with some others. All in all, though, it was a pretty boring episode that could have been condensed into one hour. Of course, the narrator did say it was going to be the most dramatic season ever. He's never been wrong before.