Being Pretty and Being Smart Is Not Enough

The Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 3

"Did you just look at my boobs?" Erica, bachelorette

This was a much more watchable episode. It seemed to be that there was a lot more action and a lot less filler. Admittedly, that could just be my latent penchant for drama, but here we go.

The episode begins with the women hanging out on the couch in their P.J.'s. Chris Hansen, our beloved host, comes in to explain what the week will hold for them. There will be 2 one-on-one dates (the women chosen for this sort of date will have to have their bags packed) and one group date. Megan is quick to point out that she wants a one-on-one date because "I didn't come all this way and leave my son to hang out with a bunch of girls."

Stephanie (the one with drawn-in eyebrows and a 4 year old daughter) is chosen for the first one-on-one date. They stroll along the beach and out of nowhere a child appears - lo and behold! It is Sophia, Stephanie's daughter. Stephanie was overcome because "Jason brought Sophia to [her]." Ummm....She does know that she's on the Bachelor, right? It probably wasn't even his idea. The rest of the date was a sugar coated love fest - first on the beach and then at Legoland (I'd imagine that ABC/Disney owns that place or at least is a major shareholder). During lunch, Stephanie, whom despite her lack of eyebrows has endeared herself to me thus far, says the following, "I want a man that I can take of and help make his life easier when he comes through the door." Arrgh. That hit me where it hurts. She redeemed herself somewhat when she said that's just how her parents were to each other. In a rather sweet moment, she kisses his arm as he lights the candles on Sophia's birthday cake. In the end, Jason gives Stephanie a Lego rose.



I can't help but feeling, however, that she will be one of the next to go. She seems way too into the idea of creating a new family to fill the hole left by her husband's untimely death. Their connection, at this point, seems mostly based upon their children and I have dated enough men to know that sweet does not equal keep. Am I right? If you like it, put a ring on it. Don't give it a lego rose.

So the next date is a group date. Jason lets us know that while yesterday was all about family, today is all about boobs...I mean sexy. The date includes Shannon, Naomi, Jillian, Kari, Nikki, Erica, Megan and Melissa. They go to an art studio of an organization called Keep Abreast. (They could not MADE up a more perfect charity for Jason!) They make busts of your torso and paint them and sell them to benefit breast cancer patients.

There are some suggestive shots of the women getting their busts made and Jason gets to lay one on Shannon who was over the moon about it.



As Jason struts around without his shirt on, the women design and paint their pieces.



My favorite moment of this date was when Megan contemplates what the loss of breasts mean. She asks if you can breast feed once you have a mastectomy and contemplates what that means for the human race. She wants to paint a fetus on the bust because the fetus feeds from the breast...uh...no they don't. She states that people, "don't understand half of her depth," (I beg to differ) and realizes that "we're screwed" if women can't breastfeed. Huh.

Later that night, the women and Jason...can you guess? Come on...three guesses...drink more alcohol! You got it in one! Good for you! He has several conversations that can be summed up as follows: Melissa had breast reduction surgery to which Jason responds "can you imagine what the bust would have looked like if you hadn't?" Megan to Jason that she lives her life to serve other people. "The past few weeks when I haven't had someone thank me, appreciate me or praise god that I'm in their life has been driving me crazy." She really understands the meaning of selfish good works. She really does. Then there was an awkward convo with Nikki when there was silence because she ran out of things to say. Jillian and Jason jumped up and down on a bed and then proceeded to have conversation that Jason says is "easy." Jillian ends up getting the rose (yeah! She's one of my favorites). Jason describes this group date as being filled with passion and fun. I think he forgot to say "and breasts" because I know he was thinking it.

The next one-on-one date is Natalie's. When Jason arrives, she keeps him waiting for a while as continues to get ready. This is a no-no, according to Melissa. When she comes downstairs, he surprises her with over a million dollars worth of jewels. He tells her later on that his favorite moment of the date was watching her face when she saw the diamonds. I think that should tell you something. Anyway, in the confessional, we get Shannon waxing psychological about how Jason wants a woman who is more grounded and secure...this is pretty amusing to me considering that she is somewhat like stalker lady and because of what happens during the rest of the show. I digress.

Jason and Natalie drink champagne in the limo to the jet to Las Vegas to the helicopter tour of Sin City. I can't help but be off put by her uber tan. She also cannot stop playing with her hair. Girlfriend, come on. In any event, I feel like it is obvious that she is not someone he is going to end up with, especially when he asks her, "I know you like fashion, shopping and shoes, but what else do you like?" Her response? "I love bears."



As they slurp down oysters on the half shell (again? Jason...is there something we should garner from this?), he says over and over how he is attracted to her, but hopes there is more. They go to Jet nightclub and have a private concert by Kate Vogel. (Who?) Natalie wants him to kiss her, but he doesn't. That's when he knew that he just didn't feel more (because let's be honest, he kisses everyone). He picks up the rose, but then tells her he can't give it to her. Bad form, Jason. Cut to the mansion. When the man comes to pick up Natalie's bags, the women go running and screaming. Ugh. Why all the running and the screaming?

Natalie is angry, though. She calls him out about picking up the rose and tells him that there are a lot of women in the house that are bad people. The jewels are taken away and she tells him she is done and gets in the limo. There, she asks, "who does he think he is? God?" Then a very obvious "Fuck you, asshole" is bleeped out. Good for you, Natalie. Good for you.

The women are not upset that Natalie does not come back. The majority of them feel that if he could choose her then, he's not for them. During the rose ceremony night, Jason is slightly obsessed with Natalie's departing comment about the bad people in the house. He asks Naomi about it and to her credit, she does not mention anyone and changes the subject. Then they make out. Nikki, who is afraid she is coming off as too high strung and wearing another boob-a-licious dress, decides she is going to show him her fun side. She then proceeds to tell him that she labels everything and the toothbrush needs to be next to the mouthwash, but it's not crazy. Nope. Not crazy at all. Of course, I'm no doctor, but I kind of feel that people who are crazy don't ever say that they are crazy. She goes to kiss his cheek and he grabs her face and kisses her fo rizzle. Guess he likes the crazy or label makers turn him on. One or the other.

When talking to Erica, Jason stares directly at her breasts only meaning, he claims later, to look at the "color of her dress." She asks him, "did you just look at my boobs?" He doesn't deny it, but only says, "at least we can laugh about it." He talks to Lauren and tells her that Natalie was mad, probing her for information. Lauren tattles on Erica and Megan and calls them drama queens. The editors want to make it look like Megan overheard everything, but she never directly confronts Lauren so I don't think she did.

Before the rose ceremony, Chris Hansen, generously and without any intent in making more drama, tells the women that he wants them to "clear the air." The women have a bit of a squabble and then Shannon walks away saying "I hate it here," We hear what sounds like regurgitation, a toilet flushes and we go to commercial. She rejoins us and the rose ceremony begins. He gives Shannon a rose, but waits until almost the last. I feel that knowing that the girl just puked from the stress of it all, and knowing you were giving her a rose anyway, why wouldn't you give it to her first to relieve her anxiety? Kari, whom we hardly got to know and Erica, whom I feel like I've known in a previous life and didn't like, do not get a rose and lose "their chance of love with Jason forever." He gives Megan a rose, which surprised me, but didn't surprise me because, after all, it is ABC's The Bachelor.