The Most Awkward Bachelor Yet

Bachelor, Season 13, Episode 4
"I am going to give my puppy french kisses." Shannon, Bachelorette

How do I even start with this one? Wow. Deep breath. Here goes.

The episode begins with Chris telling the women that there is a one-on-one date, a group date and a two-on-one date. Now, nobody wants the two on one date because it means that one of the two will be sent home.

As if the whole process was not humiliating enough, the women must perform a song for Jason in order to "earn" the one on one date. Nikki immediately starts to break down. She hates singing. She would rather have a tarantula crawl up her arm.


She sucks it up, though and they all perform. There is not a singer in the bunch until Lauren who writes a real song (and she knew it, making me want her to lose for all those women who struggle through karaoke parties with other women who can actually sing).

Anyway, Molly wins and all the women are, of course, seething with envy. The one-on-one date turns out to be a stay at home date. Ummm....hi....I'm on the bachelor...ABC is paying...can't we get in a helicopter or have a private concert or dress me in diamonds? Molly is content and even happy about it. Way to be a team player, Molly. During the date, she proceeds to become incredibly pink-faced from the wine. Jason states, "I need to make sure it is not just her eyes that I'm attracted to." I get it, Jason. Nice justification. They spend the night together in a tent and we are left with uncomfortable moaning sounds as they go to commercial. Stalkerish Shannon decides she will wait up until Molly gets back and as Jason drops Molly off the next morning, he says, "thanks for coming." Sorry. I couldn't help it. Molly is still wearing Jason's clothes, letting the other women know she did not get much sleep.

The group date is going to General Hospital and acting in various scenes. Right off the bat, they ask for volunteer to kiss Jason. Shannon rushes up and grabs him. The women dress up in various costumes. They play doctors, divas, maids, etc. All in all, it was really just a vehicle for Jason to make out with everyone. I am surprised he didn't make out with Tony Geary or Maurice Bernard.




After the day time "acting," there is a "wrap party" at night. It is awful and awkward. All the women are emotional and most of them cry when talking to him. Lauren tells him that he NEEDS to give her a rose or she'll be pissed. Melissa is in tears, but it seems to be a turn on for him. Shannon realizes for the first time that she has developed feelings for him...What about all the stalking? She tells him that he can't let her go and that she's "not letting [him] let [her] go." She tells him that her her "heart" is on her "shoulder" (it is sleeve, btw). She goes to kiss him and he allows her a peck and nothing more. Maybe his lips are sore? Ultimately, he gives the rose to 24 year old flight attendant, Naomi, and says, "thank you for being you." I'm not sure why she got it, but she did and it made the other women upset. Again.

Stephanie and Nikki go on the two-on-one date. Nikki is very not happy about the whole thing, while Stephanie says she is excited. Before their date, designer gowns arrive for them. When they come downstairs, one of the women says, "Jason is so lucky." I thought that was sweet. They take a silver Rolls Royce to a lighted outdoor restaurant with a fountain.

A dance instructor is on premises to teach them the "most romantic dance of all, "the waltz." And all this time, I thought it was the lambada.






































Again, Nikki feels out of her element. She is not a very good dancer, she says, but she goes for it because she will not allow Stephanie to overshadow her. (Wait a minute, is this the plot line for Lambada: The Forbidden Dance?


The next scene is an awkward series of each woman cutting in on the other one. Back and forth. At one point, Nikki, whom I really did like at first, says, "Stephanie has had her chance. She already had a man." He's dead, Nikki. He's dead. During dinner, he takes each one of the women aside to talk to them individually, leaving the other one at the table. All I kept thinking is....this would be the moment that I'd be pigging out! Anyway, he ultimately gives Stephanie the rose. The women meet eyes across the table in a poignant moment. Then Nikki leaves VERY graciously. In the limo, however, I can't help but feel that Nikki needs to learn to love herself more as she says things like, "I don't know what else I could be," it is the "good enough factor," and "that is why I try to be perfect, but I still get rejected." During the end of Stephanie and Jason's date, they finally kiss as they finish their dance.

During the evening of the rose ceremony we hear, once again, how difficult the night before was for Jason. He talks to some of the women privately. He kisses Jillian. He kisses Melissa. He dances with Megan. Lauren gives him a lot of crap about not giving her the rose the night before. Then they kiss for the first time. It was all very weird and I got the heeby jeebies from watching it.

Stephanie, Molly and Naomi are safe. There are only three roses to give out. The first one goes to Melissa. The second one goes to Jillian. Then he picks up the last one and gives a big sigh. He pauses and then puts down the rose. He says that he can't give out the final rose. He doesn't want to lead anyone on because he can't see forever with any of them.

I thought for sure that Shannon would be devastated, but she actually looked relieved and could not wait to go home and use her electric toothbrush and kiss her puppy (french kiss). Lauren was a bit upset, but nothing over the edge. Megan was the most upset about being rejected.

I can't believe it is on again tonight. That was exhausting.